#15 Penn State vs Indiana
We’re going back home to the sycamore trees of Nativeamericaniana for a game this Saturday at 3:30. Love those sycamore trees. Hell, just so long as we don’t see any buckeyes for a while, any other kind of tree is just fine.
I procrastinated on writing this week’s article. Couldn’t think of much to say after the Ohio State loss. I’m neither a Sanguinarian nor one of those unrealistic, rabid fanboys who think that the season is over. I’m just weary. But I’ll give it a go, just for the hell of it.
Two Quarterback Controversies
On the Indiana side, Nativeamericaniana head coach Tom Allen knows he needs a change, but he won’t say which of the three potential starters he’ll slot in for Saturday. Could be Connor Bazelak, who has sucked thus far. Could be Jack Tuttle, who will be transferring after this season. Or there’s a freshman named Brendon Sorsby who Allen might even tap. He just knows that he needs a change somehow somewhere, as the Hoosiers (3-5, 1-4 Big Ten) have lost five straight. And OMG OMG WTF — the most recent loss was to RUTGERS!!!!
Meanwhile, back at the Lasch, Penn State Culture of Football Grand Poobah James Franklin is a stubborn sumbitch. The more fanboys call for Drew Allar, the more stubborn Franklin gets about keeping Sean Clifford at the helm. “Whoever gives us a chance to be 1-0 this week and a chance to win a bunch of games this year for all the guys in the locker room, that’s who we’re going to go with.” Perhaps a little reverse psychology would work. If the media and the fans would conduct a concerted effort to exhort Franklin to keep Clifford in there, maybe he’d play Allar.
I don’t agree that Allar is the Second Coming, the Great White Hope, or whatever. Only time will tell whether he’s got the talent, the brains, the stamina, and the toughness to be all that. So, I agree that Clifford should be the starter. However, I want to see more of Allar from here on, as he is our best hope for the future. Maybe our only hope. He needs game experience. Now, we have a perfect opportunity. If he doesn’t play the entire second half of this game, when Penn State is up 28-7, I’ll be disappointed.
I ain’t talking about the tOSU loss here, so the heading should be “Last Outing“. Indiana, who handed the now #16 Fighting Illiniweks their one loss in the season opener, has sucked ever since, most recently losing five straight games to Cincinnati (who even UCF can beat), Nebraska (who ANYONE can beat), Michigan, (who no one has yet beaten), Maryland, and Lowlyrutgers (all one compound word). When you lose to Rutgers, you know that something must change.
How the hell can you lose to Rutgers? Rhetorical question, asked because up to the time of last week’s game, the Scarlet Knights had lost twenty-one straight conference games at home! Think about that! Pretty hard to do! Who is scarlet?
In that 24-17 loss to the Scarlet Pussies (4-3, 1-3 Big Ten), the Whoosiers were two for twelve in third down conversions — which out-PennStates Penn State! They managed to gain only 272 yards overall, 210 of them through the air and only 62 rushing. Bazelak threw one interception, and there were seven penalties for sixty-five yards. They weren’t bad at punting, though. Punter James Evans had eight punts for 333 yards, which is just a-ight, but he nailed four inside the 20. Good show in a losing effort.
Look for Evans in a transfer portal coming your way soon!
The mighty Hoosieristic defense had only three TFLs, with no hurries and no sacks. Even the suspect Penn State offensive line should have a field day with these clowns.
Nice, Indian Summer day in Bloomington, they tell us. Well, maybe not. (I was looking at today). Tomorrow is a different story as a cold front works its way through. The forecast is, “Strong winds subsiding; mostly cloudy and not as warm with a couple of showers and a thunderstorm, mainly early in the day.” Well, our game kicks off at 3:42 or some such dumbass TV regulated time, so “mainly early in the day” might save our asses. However, for shits and grins, the forecast wind is 21 mph from the southwest, with gusts to 45, 92% cloud cover, 95% probability of precipitation, and 38% probability of thunderstorms. Hoohah!
Da Bottom Line
You know, what we must guard against is the big letdown after Ohio State. Wait? How the hell do we guard against THAT? Isn’t that Franklin’s job?
Ponder that whilst I tell you that it is now time for the fearless, brainless, feckless Official Turkey Poop Prognostication, the awful offal extruded weekly from this foul old fowl’s cloaca, which is as good as the electronic paper upon which it is written. Amen.
So the geniuses (that ain’t me!) give Indiana a 15.9% chance of winning. That seems high, but that’s why they’re geniuses and I ain’t. Meanwhile, the gamblers like Penn State by 13.5, with an over/under of 50.5. That works out to about 33-18 Penn State. Thirty-three points is right on the Nittany Lions average scored per game this year. Indiana has allowed 30.6 points per game. If there is no post-apocalyptic letdown, I’m looking for the Lions to score 35 or more. Meanwhile, the Hoosiers have no running game and not much of a passing game. Their offensive line can’t block and the defense makes up for it by not tackling (paraphrased John McKay quote of the week). Penn State 45, Indiana 10. Take-um heap big over.
I will return after the game with some more made up stuff. I think they’ll win this one. Don’t you agree? In fact, who can they lose to this year? The most likely would be Maryland. That would suck.