The Nittany Turkey

Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

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Archives for 2024

Covered the Spread

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Penn State 56, Kent State 0

So, the Kotelnicki offense showed off its juggernautical capabilities on Saturday’s 56-0 rout of the hapless Golden Flashers, setting a school record in the process. After a quintessentially characteristic Penn State slow start, the Nittany Lions rolled up 718 yards of total offense and knocked two Kent quarterbacks out of the game.

Drew Allar had a terrific day 17-21 for 409 yards with three touchdowns and no interceptions. Beau Pribula added a touchdown and was 6-9. However the best QB of the day was tight end Tyler Warren, who contributed a touchdown on a 17-yard passing play on a direct snap to him in a wildcat formation. That gave him a perfect quarterback rating.

I had been bitching about third-down efficiency, but Penn State was 8-10 today, nothing to bitch about. (I mean, why bother bitching? No one listens, anyway). But I’ll remind you that all this wonderfulness on offense was against the worst team in the FBS. The Nittany Lions led 28-0 at the half. Last Saturday, Tennessee led Kent 65-0 at the intermission. Penn State, notorious for its slow starts, waited until 2:38 in the first period to score its first of eight touchdowns. Compare this with Tennessee’s performance against the same opponents, in which they scored 38 in the first quarter. Jumping out to an early lead is the way to win. The Nittany Lions must stop farting around like this now that the Big Ten schedule is nigh.

Stifling Defense

Defensively, the Lions took care of business, allowing 67 total yards, of which 49 were on the ground. They allowed only six first downs, while their offensive compadres rang up 40, giving them long rests. For those who think this is hot shit, I’ll remind you that we’re talking about Kent State (0-4), who are headed once again for the MAC scrap heap.

Time to Stop Farting Around

It gets serious from here. The erstwhile pig farmer is bringing his revamped Illini to town with a 4-0 record, fresh off an overtime victory over formerly highly regarded Nebraska in Lincoln. Bielema and his boys would like nothing better than a big upset in Beaver Stadium to prove they are “for real.” I suspect that we’ll be looking at #10 vs. #20 or some similar meaningless rankings. I don’t know whether our friends, the Sanguinarians, are shaking in their boots, but they need to appeal to their diety to exhort PSU not to approach this one too casually.

PSU covered the spread and hit the over by the slimmest of margins. I was thinking that Franklin would miss again, but Beau Pribula sealed the deal for him with 1:25 left in the game.

I’ll be back mid-week with a better look at the Illinois game, which should be a telling mid-term exam.

Flashes in the Pan

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Kent State (0-3) at #10 Penn State (2-0)

Kent State Golden Flashes

The game is set for 3:30 kickoff at Beaver Stadium on Saturday, the same time as #18 Michigan vs. #11 USC, among several other more interesting games.

It is hard to believe that Pittsburgh Steelers Hall of Fame linebacker Jack Lambert ever played for Kent State. The Pro Football Hall of Fame recognized him in 1990 as “the greatest linebacker of his era”. Lambert played at Kent State from 1971 to 1973. There, his teammates were Nick Saban and Gary Pinkel. So, what does that have to do with anything?

Well, sheeit, it was one way to motivate myself to write something this week. With the prospect of a meaningless game with a less than meaningless team, what the hell can I say other than, “Don’t blow it like you did with Bowling Green!” There is no upside to this game, only potential pitfalls.

Consider Kent State’s achievements this year, which include losing to St. Francis (currently in last place in the Northeast Conference), a Division I-AA (FCS) school who had never before beaten an FBS opponent. The Red Flash beat the Golden Flash 23-17, a victory sandwiched between losses to Dayton and conference opponent, Central Connecticut. Another momentous effort took place last week as Kent trailed #6 Tennessee 65-0 at halftime. They went on to lose 71-0, with the tacit application of the nonexistent Mercy Rule, probably the insertion of the third-string cheerleading squad after the intermission.

Cause for Boredom

ESPN Senior Writer Ryan McGee writes a column called “The Bottom Ten.” Guess which team is listed as the worst overall this week? You got it!

McGee commented, “We heard from so many angry loyal subjects of the State of Kent last week that we thought we were at a Renaissance Faire. Were they throwing tomatoes and casting witches’ spells our way because their beloved brethren were in the Bottom 10? Nay! They were hotter than a, well, Golden Flash, because last week they were — in the words of a Twitter/X user who I believe was named @YesJackLambertActuallyPlayedHere — “What do we have to do to prove to you morons that we are the worst team in football?” Turns out, trailing Tennessee 65-0 at the half was enough to do the trick.”

So, given all that very strong support for the Golden Flashes, is it any wonder that I am at a loss for words? Dumbfounded, with a B. Bewitched, bothered, and bewildered am I.

Let’s look at anything other than specifics for these teams, because I can no longer focus. Covid and the fog of the Bowling Green game have left me devoid of the ability for now. Plus, I have a natural tendency to look beyond this week to the loss against Illinois next week, assuming they beat Nebraska as I expect them to do tomorrow night. So what, pray tell, will we look at?

Distinguished Alumnus

Although he dropped out, Don King attended Kent State. The flamboyant boxing promoter is now 93, but still promoting fighters. Notoriously among his famous clients were Muhammad Ali, Larry Holmes, Tim Witherspoon, Mike Tyson, and Terry Norris, all of whom sued King. I find the subject of Don King about as distasteful as his erstwhile university, so I’ll move on to another distracting subject. I’m bored again.

Da Wedda

And so, the next subject that avoids discussing the two teams that will compete on Saturday, is the weather. Saturday’s AccuWeather forecast reads like this: “Sun giving way to clouds; fog in the morning, then a shower; there can be a rumble of thunder; a lightning delay cannot be ruled out at the game.” Oh yeah? Not a repeat of the WVU game! Please! Let us get this one over with quickly. By all rights, it should be over by halftime, so if lightning threatens after that, just call it.

The high is shown as 76F, with a 45% chance of rain. Beaver Stadium will likely have lots of empty seats to watch the empty suits on the field. Weather will not be a factor unless it causes a delay as mentioned by AccuWeather. In that case, hundreds of people may perish from boredom and from the riot that develops when all 200 fans attempt to exit Beaver Stadium at once.

Da Bottom Line

Having said nothing thus far, it is time for that weekly feature, the veritable climax of this column, entitled The Official Turkey Poop Prognostication, that unscientific, baseless prediction confidently posited by this foul fowl. Yea, verily, we pull ’em straight out of our ass here (aka our cloaca).

The spread on this game is a ridiculous seven touchdowns. Yeah, it’s Penn State minus 49, with an over/under of 55.5, which doesn’t give the Golden Flashes much of even a flash in the pan, equating to a predicted score of 53-3. Is our vaunted defense really going to give up that field goal?

I know that you who worship at the Temple of St. Joe would never admit that it is appropriate for the Nittany Lions to run up the score, but there are two good reasons for doing so here: 1) because they can, and 2) because they dropped two rungs on the poll ladder in the aftermath of the Bowling Green non-spread-covering fiasco, even though they didn’t play. On the other hand, arguing against myself while adopting the position that PSU will NOT run up the score, we have the convenient ability to hang our hat on the old maxim, “You can never go broke betting on Penn State not covering the spread.”

So, for my money (or lack of same), we’re looking at Penn State 47, Kent 6, and take the under (unless the Lions’ defense really sucks, in which case Kent could score 13). Penn State leads 7-6 at halftime.

I’ll be back after the game to provide my disinterested post-game observations and assorted retching and burping.

Mounjaro Update: Covid-19, CGMs, and Weekly Progress

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Mounjaro

Greetings, fellow Type Twos! I am back once again to describe my weekly progress on Mounjaro, and to provide some collateral information and observations for anyone interested in monitoring and improving their metabolic health. I should note that I do not offer medical advice, and I am not a doctor (thank God). Neither am I a paragon of metabolic health, offering leadership by example. Taking advice of any kind from me is a fool’s errand. Nevertheless, I might throw out an idea or two that might inspire you to do some research on your own. Opinions, I’ve got, already!

As you might have read in last week’s Post-Vacation Update, I returned from my “JOURNEY” (a real one, not the metaphorical kind the YouTube weenies take on their GLP-1 medication of choice) replete with cold symptoms, a fever, and a positive test for Covid-19. For a couple of days after testing positive on Wednesday, my symptoms worsened, but now I have settled into a flu-like state, in which I feel like I am in the Twilight Zone and lack energy. However, writing doesn’t require much energy. Also, it provides relaxation for me, so welcome to my weekly rant.

In this week’s column (if I might use that archaic newspaper-oriented terminology), I will describe the effect of Covid-19 on my weight. I will tell you about a new continuous glucose monitor (CGM) I am testing, one that has been approved for non-prescription use. Finally, I will wrap up with the week’s progress, albeit distorted by my unintended viral visitors.

Covid Weight Loss

I gave my doctor some advice. I told him that his cosmetic weight loss patients would love him if he treated them with Covid-19. The disease gives them the effortless avoirdupois reduction solution folks of that ilk crave. While this was obviously a facetious suggestion, I based it on my current experience since contracting the virus. In last week’s update, I had reported a two-pound weight loss while on vacation. I now believe that drop was due to Covid.

My weight had been holding steady until the last couple of days on the road. Now back at home, between September 11 and today, September 16, I have lost 9.2 pounds. If I count the other two pounds during the vacation, that is over eleven pounds lost over a week’s time. Again, I attribute the dramatic drop to Covid, not Mounjaro.

This is certainly not a sustainable formula for weight loss, and I strongly recommend against attending Covid parties with that aim in mind. Shedding pounds in this manner is stressful to the body. I try to stay hydrated, but I pee a lot, too. I must conscientiously avoid dehydration. Because my kidney function is impaired due to age and metabolic syndrome, dehydration is a dreadful thing, especially in conjunction with the Mounjaro and other medicines I am taking.

If I experience an uncomplicated recovery from Covid, my hope is that I regain some of my ill-gotten losses. How’s that for a twist?

Throw in Sciatica, too!

When it rains, it pours. During our vacation, I tweaked my lower back, which has long been a ticking time bomb. A CT scan a couple of years ago characterized “moderate to severe multilevel degenerative disc disease within the lumbar spine predominantly involving the mid and lower lumbar spine”. In conjunction with taking Mounjaro, I had ramped up my exercise program, which seemed to result in less back pain. However, on vacation, awkwardly tossing around a fifty-pound suitcase, I messed something up.

So, now I need to deal with the back, too. The lower back pain radiates to the right-side butt and down the right leg. I cannot stand in one place for long. I eschewed an ER visit on the trip so I could get home quicker. Of course, that meant dealing with pain while driving for three days. Undoubtedly, the seated position while driving did not help the situation.

My self-treatment options are limited to Extra-Strength Tylenol, which doesn’t work. I need to get the damn thing evaluated and seek some treatment for it, because it is destroying my sleep. My hope is that I can avoid opiates and surgery, as I would prefer corticosteroids, muscle relaxers, and physical therapy. A visit to a local ER might be needed to get the ball rolling. I was tempted to go there last night while tossing and turning and not achieving any relief from the pain. We’ll see…

Stelo Glucose Biosensor

I discovered that the FDA had approved a new product from Dexcom, a wearable device like a continuous glucose monitor that does not require a prescription, is self-paid, and is available to anyone. Previously, I had eschewed CGMs, such as the Dexcom G7, because our Medicare regulators would not cover their cost for a Type 2 diabetic unless 1) on insulin, or 2) had documented hypoglycemic episodes. Even if my doctor were to prescribe a CGM, the out-of-pocket cost would have been over $300/month. Everybody has his price, and for that kind of money, I’ll endure finger pricks a few times per day. However, this new product offered by Dexcom for less than $100 per month piqued my interest.

Dexcom, makers of the flagship G7 CGM, saw the need for people in my category who want to track their glucose variations, so they developed this dumbed-down product, called Stelo. It is available directly from the company for under $100 for a month’s supply, or $90 for a monthly subscription. Each monitor is good for fifteen days, during which it communicates with the Stelo app on my phone with a graphical update every fifteen minutes. The Stelo cannot be integrated with an insulin pump, so the granularity of its measurements is coarser than that of the G7. It is just intended as an informational device. Dexcom labels Stelo as a “glucose biosensor”, not as a continuous glucose monitor.

Get It Quickly!

Interestingly, although I ordered Stelo directly from Dexcom through their website, the product was delivered the next day by Amazon. Amazon now makes deals with third-party companies wishing to avail themselves of Amazon’s rapid and diffuse distribution network. I suppose this form of distribution applies in selected areas where Amazon has a strong presence. That’s everywhere, right?

The Stelo cannot export information (yet) to share with a doctor or with readers of my column. In fact, I wanted to send an SMS to my wife with a screenshot of the glucose graph, but I could not do a screenshot. The message was that screenshots were prohibited due to security restrictions. WTF? I hereby request that Dexcom at least give us the capability to download information so we can analyze it in Excel if nothing else. Furthermore, show-and-tell with the doctor would be a good thing. I am assuming that the FDA approval might have been contingent on restricting the use of data to personal amusement, but I sure hope there’s a way around this restriction.

[UPDATE: There IS a way around it, in the form of the “Clarity” app from Dexcom. I’ll tell you more in next week’s update.]

(This is an entertainment device, not to be confused with a serious medical device, and you may not base your medical decisions on its readings under penalty of being acknowledged as being as stupid as the FDA and Dexcom’s lawyers want you to be). Oy vey!

Playing with My Biosensor

I have been wearing the Stelo “biosensor” for two days and have experimented with glucose-spiking ingestion, like eating several types of meals, as well as taking one Mounjaro injection. It is interesting to observe the glucose rapidly increasing, then falling off slowly after a carb-laden meal, a graphical depiction of insulin resistance. The readings are biased about 10-12 points higher than my Contour Next glucometer, which has tracked very closely with lab blood testing in the past. But the real benefit I will derive is in viewing the ups and downs. Absolute numbers are not as important, so long as they stay in range. And I will continue to use my glucometer at least once per day.

I cannot yet say whether I will be sticking with the Stelo once the novelty wears off. I signed up for the $90/month subscription, which is cancelable anytime. We’ll see whether Dexcom keeps that promise when the time comes. In the meantime, I will provide further observations and conclusions as time goes on and I find undiscovered features or deficits.

Asking whether I am wearing a glucose monitor or a glucose biosensor is like asking whether that thing in the sky is a hawk or a bird.

Weekly Mounjaro Results Recap

Undaunted by Covid, I will now present the skewed results for the week in the usual manner. As I mentioned, shockingly, my weight loss since last Wednesday is 9.2 pounds. Glucose average for the period was 104. However, my blood pressure has been running high, about 140/80. I attribute that to the illness and the back pain I have been experiencing for the past ten days.

I’ll be back next week, hoping to be in a better frame of physical and mental health.