The Nittany Turkey

Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

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‘Twas the Night before PSU Christmas

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For those of you who haven’t seen this, it is topical and cute. Thanks to Toejam for submitting it.
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‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all over the net
Penn State fans were wondering, what coach will we get?Countless days have passed since our main man got canned,
And a loyal assistant took the reins in hand.

Haters have come out and spewed their venom and vile,

Eager to jump on the negative pile.
But fans have been faithful, loyal and true.
Supporting their team in the white and the blue.

Coaches have coached, and players have played,
Hoping that news of scandals would fade 

They’ve played at home and again on the road.

And through it all pride and courage they’ve showed. 

The team has fought on with a win and some losses,

While we wondered the thoughts of university bosses.When, what to our wondering eyes should we see,
But a head coach committee, led by Joyner, AD

Six men and women would search near and far
To find us the next Penn State coach superstar. 

Weeks went by and no more info came,
But media and fans have shouted many a name;

“Now, Bradley! Now Clements! Richt, Munchak and Kelly!
Mullen! And Norwood! JayPa, LJ and Murphy!

To the jets, to planes, to New York, or is it Philly?
No facts, just these rumors all making me silly!”

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,

Other teams through the coaching ranks how they flew,
Snagging up Golden and Urban Meyer too.

Fans have all wondered, when will we know?

And how many recruits will get up and go? 

The players still practiced, to a bowl game they’re bound,

Though admittedly it’s not the biggest around.
They finished their finals, each paper and test
And practiced so hard before earning a rest.

Spider brought Santa to their last practice day
The secret to winning did he give away?

Now there’s time for relaxing with family and friends
Until this whole season in Dallas comes to an end.

The starting quarterback, well, it’s anyone’s guess
And we’re praying the offense won’t be a mess.The defense is strong, led by D. Still

Just the thought of him makes C. Keenum ill. 

This team will play hard, they’ve got to stay tough

They’ve got to show everyone they’ve got the stuff 

Bradley and staff, they’ll lead on this team
Even with jobs in doubt, they’re going full-steam. 

They’ll head down to Texas and show fans their heart

They’ll fight for the win, right from the start. 

The media will focus on other things, so what?
This team will be ready to kick Cougar butt! 

The fans will be cheering for the blue and the white,

Some there in person, others by TV light. 

Penn State has great academics and football and heart,

Try as they may, haters can’t rip us apart. 

Let others grumble and yell and say what they say
We know that pride will in Penn State will stay.

And through it all, we’ll rise above the hate.
Now all say it with me, WE ARE…. PENN STATE!!

Wrapping Up a Leaderless Week

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“Quick hits” ah nytha quick nor hits. Twalk amongst yaselves. Discuss!

NOTE: My link to the Paterno “Due Process” petition below were originally broken. I have now corrected them. Please accept my apology for the extra work I caused people clicking on the original links — they got you to the right neighborhood, but then you had to search and go through multiple pages of results. Mea culpa, mea maxima culpa! Merry Christmas to all!

Hey, there’s a petition circulating via the Internet about the whole issue of the Joseph V. Paterno firing and its inherent rush to judgment. None of us wanted to see the old man depart with such a stain on him, certainly, but most of us know that he was at least to some extent culpable for covering up the Sandusky mess. Whether he knew then what we know now is a big issue. It is easy to ass-ume that he knew everything, but did he really? Does anybody have a reasonable doubt that he did? The petitioner, Anthony P. Lubrano ’82, thinks that due process was circumvented in Joe’s firing.

You might recognize Lubrano’s name. It is on the baseball stadium at Penn State.

Was due process circumvented as Lubrano asserts? Of course it was! When did a businessperson ever need a full jury trial to fire someone? The Board of Trustees does not owe anybody anything. Their decision is theirs and theirs alone.

Having said that, though, I must advise you that I in fact signed the petition. I think that Joe should should tell what he knew, but I also think that he has earned a place in the annals of football history without the proverbial asterisk. How about giving Joe a belated 85th birthday present by signing it? It costs you nothing but the few minutes required to navigate to the web site and read the petition.

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About two dozen well wishers gathered outside Joe Paterno’s home yesterday to sing Christmas carols and wish the ailing former head coach a happy birthday. Paterno could not come out because he was weak from the chemotherapy being used to treat his lung cancer, but wife Sue appeared briefly to corral some grandchildren playing in the yard, thanking the well wishers.

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The NCAA handed down its rulings to Ohio State in the wake of Tattoogate, and the sanctions were not pretty. The University’s original position was to vacate all of its 2010 victories and give back their bowl money, but the NCAA wanted to leave a more lasting impression. Head Coach Jim Tressell, who knew about the shenanigans but failed to tell administrators until it was too late, was handed down what amounts to a Typhoid Mary label in college football, a “show cause.” Tressell is presently working as a video coordinator, whatever that is, for the NFL Indianapolis Colts. Ohio State also lost scholarships and it may not play in a bowl game after the 2012 season.

But here’s the big question. The NCAA is investigating the Sandusky mess at Penn State under the same rule as Ohio State. This Turkey is quite certain that the NCAA has the desire to set a tough precedent with Ohio State, applying the same type of harsh punishment to the rash of schools that committed egregious sins that were discovered after Tattoogate. Methinks Penn State is in for some “Law West of the Pecos.”

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State College police have asserted that Matt McGloin and Curtis Drake will not be criminally charged for the fight that put McGloin in the hospital.

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This doesn’t affect Penn State very much, but USC quarterback Matt Barkley has promised that he would be back for his senior year. He’s saving the NFL money for later, and here’s hoping that he can finish 2012 injury free.

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Neither does this: I ran into Elayne Wershel and her daughter Billie, whom I haven’t seen for at least five years, at the Publix today. They were buying a turkey for a Hanukkah dinner. I couldn’t tell them to cook  a ham instead. Tragedy.

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Acting AD Dave Joyner has issued the following statement about his head coach search, after yet another week of rumors, innuendos, and no head coach:

“As we head into the holidays, I wanted to share an update on the search for the next head football coach at Penn State. We are continuing to talk with individuals that we’re interested in and work through the interview process. As I’m sure all can appreciate, this is a very important hire for Penn State and, as a result, the search committee is taking a very deliberate and measured approach to the process in order to identify the coach that best fits the requirements of the position.

“We look forward to introducing our new football coach at the appropriate time. In the interim, I’d like to wish everyone happy holidays as well as remind all Penn Staters to support our team and its 23 seniors as they compete against the 12-1Houston Cougars in the TicketCity Bowl in Dallas on January 2nd.”

So, there you have it: “… a very deliberate and measured approach … at the appropriate time … ” We’re being told we’re not going to have anyone anytime soon. This Turkey’s question is, was, and always has been, who’s going to be left by the time Joyner’s committee gets to doing what it should be doing. If they get too picky, they’ll dawdle themselves into a corner, where they’ll wind up having to hire Tom Bradley because no one else is available. (Bradley was thought to be a contender for the head coaching job at Pitt both last year and this year, but Pitt went and hired Wisconsin’s offensive coordinator, Paul Chryst, this week. So, Bradley is in limbo land once again. He wants to coach at a high profile program in Pennsylvania, but how many of those are there? Thank you.)

Would it be so bad to hire Bradley? Well, yes and no. Recruiting is already screwed up by all the decommits and by Paterno’s abrupt departure. Tom cannot screw things up much more. However, the unknown lurks around the corner for Tom, because it would be doubtful that he would get more than a one or two year contract. He and all the recruits would know that he was the consolation prize because Joyner’s committee farted around while all the good coaches were hired, and as such that he would have a limited future.

But it is starting to look like that’s the way it will go. Who is available? Who has been interviewed? My sources tell me that Bradley gets his interview sometime today. There are questions to be answered, such as how could a search committee charged with straightening out the football program hire a coach who possibly had complicity in the Sanduskygate cover-up? In fact, Bradley was Sandusky’s replacement in 2000, promoted from within a very close football organization. Did he know anything at all about the circumstances of Sandusky’s retirement (which Sandusky and his lawyers deny had anything to do with the “incidents” of the time)? The committee must use this interview to determine whether Bradley would be the guy to cut the programs losses or allow things to fester.

Aside from Chryst and, of course, Urban Meyer, a veritable plethora of head coaches have been hired during this break between the regular season and bowl games. I would really, really, really want to know who the hell is left. Bradley might yet be the best choice. Of course, if an NFL guy like former Penn Stater Mike Munchak of Tennessee is secretly on the hook and waiting until the NFL season ends, then I’ll recant what I’ve said here and change my tune to say that if they’ve already selected someone like Munchak, then they’re double-dealing the people they’ve been interviewing thus far, unless they’re specifically told that there is or are one or more potential NFL candidates, which will slow the search. But the Catch-22 there is that anyone’s who’s interviewing now is not going to wait weeks and weeks for a decision, because he’s got mouths to feed and unless he already has a coaching job, he needs one!

Do you now know more than when you started reading this “quick hit”? I didn’t think so.

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This Turkey was at the supermarket today observing people preparing to eat my relatives. Notwithstanding the sadness and angst this generates in my avian family, I still want to wish all of you a very Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and whatever else brings you joy at this time of year. I’ll be back soon with some facts, opinions, and prognostications for the great big TicketCity.com Bowl. WooHoo!

 

 

Quick Hits for Another Leaderless Monday

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What the hell is a “quick hit”? Does that mean something like, “Ima hit yo’ ass wit dis, ya shit!”? I don’t know. It’s one of those vogue sportswriter things. I just thought I would use it here so I could bitch about it. What I mean is that I have a few quick stories for you.

First, our deposed legend, Joseph V. Paterno, is out of the hospital, released to Sue’s care. As you probably know, hip/pelvis fractures are quite dangerous for people of Joe’s age; however, he’s a tough old bird about to be 85 and he’ll surmount this just like he has surmounted much adversity in his life. Joe comes from an era in which we admired people who could handle tough breaks, unlike now, when everyone has a sense of entitlement and people for whom life isn’t going well are to be avoided, if not scorned. (Notice how I get the editorial in, even though the subject is Paterno’s hip?) He will be continuing rehabilitation at home, and will continue with his cancer treatments, which reportedly “take a lot out of him.” He has not lost his fighting spirit, though. Give ’em hell, Joe!

The next “quick hit” involves a hit that was too quick for Matt McGloin, as it knocked him ass over tin cups onto the concrete locker room floor, where he smashed his head and put his lights out. McGloin is now questionable for the Lions’ post-season consolation bowl. Like a true leader, McGloin took full responsibility for the fight, which involved several punches between him and Curtis Drake, and which he said lasted about 10 seconds before he hit the deck. He admits to having started it, but says he should have walked away, because as a quarterback, he’s held to a higher standard. Both McGloin and Drake are looking at some kind of discipline by acting interim temporary sort of head coach Tom Bradley. PSU Judicial Affairs is looking into the altercation and will involve Homeland Security if any terrorism is suspected. Come on, folks! It’s a simple fight between two testosteronically challenged dudes who went at it in the locker room — big deal! Back in the good old days, they’d go have a beer afterward and celebrate Drake’s winning haymaker — just a simple fight between a dude from West Philly and a dude from West Scranton. Oops, wait. We don’t want Drake having any beers yet, as he won’t be 21 until February 1. Stand down, Stephfon.

Now, this third “quick hit” is a real doozie. Our old friend and current ESPN analyst Craig James is seeking the Republican nomination for U.S. Senator from Texas. (It used to be that Senators were appointed by the governor of their respective state before the progressives got their way. It was better the old way, but hell, Rick Perry would have probably appointed James, anyhow. There I go editorializing in the context of a freaking “quick hit” again. Quick! Hit me! … thanks, i needed that…. But I digress.) Yeah, the good thing is that we won’t have to see or listen to James on ESPN anymore. He won’t be working there while he’s running for office, and he’s already missed the hefty assignment of the Beef O’Brady Bowl. This all, of course, is outweighed by the peril of Mr. James having an influence on public policy. OMG WTF. Read enough to make you sick on ESPN.com.

And our final “quick hit” is a bit of a hit about the snit Rob Bolden got into with so-called “minor legal issues.” The twit! Dimwit! He needs a quick hit upside da haid! Get this shit: he stole a damn bottle of Gatorade from a campus convenience store! Bradley had a fit, and Bolden to his doghouse he did admit, although Bradley said that it was a prank and Bolden had returned the bottle to the store lickety-split. As for playing time, Bolden will not sit, Bradley said. As McGloin might not be medically cleared or disciplinarically available to play the Second Annual TicketCity.com bowl, it now looks like Bolden is it. (OK, I quit!)