The Nittany Turkey

Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

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Logjam in Beaverville

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So, I have a bellyache and my creative title generator isn’t working too well. Thus, “Logjam in Beaverville” was the best I could muster. It sucks, I know, but I’m amusing myself, which is the stated purpose of this blog. In any event, the title refers to the total domination of the Oregon State Beavers by the #19 Penn State Nittany Lions on Saturday last. The final score was 45-14, and to use my oft-abused hack sports writer cliche, it wuddn’t that close.

Evan Royster had a career day, running for 141 yards on 17 carries and three TDs. Daryll Clark looked sharp, too, going 14-23 for 215 yards and two TDs and no INTs. Clark also ran the ball five times for 61 yards, looking much like Michael Robinson in 2005. In all, the Nittany Lions rung up 454 all-purpose yards. On the strength of this performance, the Lions rose to #17 in the AP Poll.

Jordan Norwood reeled in eight passes, which moved him past O. J. McDuffie on Penn State’s all-time list.

Josh Hull and Mark Rubin both had interceptions and both were career firsts.

The game started with a flubbed kickoff by Kevin Kelly, which put the Beavers on the 40 yard-line. Fortunately, it was his last awful kick of the day. After Oregon State couldn’t move the ball, they kicked and in so doing returned the favor with a shanked, 18-yard punt.

Oregon State’s running game stayed grounded against the depleted Penn State front four, which would become more depleted as the day progressed. Still, star rusher Jacquizz Rogers mustered 91 yards and two touchdowns.

The Nittany Lions ran at will against what was last year’s #1 rush defense. However, the Beavers had to replace the entire front seven, so the defense did not resemble what they had on the field last year.

Penn State lost the ball only once, a heartbreaker for Evan Royster as he fumbled close to the goal line. Otherwise, the Lions were perfect.

Close to perfect, that is. Alas, they were not perfect on the injury front, losing Jerome Hayes for the season with a torn ACL in his right knee on a punt return in the fourth quarter. Hayes just returned from rehabbing his left knee, which was injured last season.

We TV viewing fans did not get to witness the Hayes injury, as ABC decided to cut away in the fourth quarter to the Oklahoma game, which also wound up not close. I expressed my discontent over this travesty of TV coverage in a prior post.

So, was this the Spread HD? I think we saw some of what it has to offer. Joe and Jay seemed to open it up a bit after the Coastal Carolina game. There was a big difference in one area—using Daryll Clark in the running game.

What was Jay Paterno doing down in the coaches’ huddle on the sideline close to the end of the first half? In the second half, the camera found him in his usual position upstairs in the booth.

We promised you a guest reporter, and you will have a guest reporter. You’ll recall that Sacajawea, a Shoshone, was one of the first and foremost Oregonians. She was an indispensable helper for Lewis & Clark in their search for the Northwest Passage. Sacajawea spoke English, French, and Shoshone and she wore cool looking buckskin dresses. Clark affectionately named her “Janey.”

Sacajawea was said to have died in 1812, but then a woman died in 1884 in Wyoming who many people believed was the real Sacajawea. Well, we probed a bit and found the elderly Janey actually still living amongst the Seminoles at the Micosukee Reservation behind the casino in Hollywood, Florida. In such situations, contact an attorney who will help you in understanding estate planning legal documents and are compassionate to help you out. She is getting a little old, slightly over 220, but she still sparkles with the determination and humor that got her through those many thousands of miles with the Lewis & Clark expedition and made her an icon for the Women’s Suffrage Movement in the early 20th century. She gave us some Sacajawea dollars as souvenirs of our visit.

Janey’s sense of humor is evident in her report. This Turkey asked her what she thought of her fellow Oregonians’ first 18-yard punt, and she replied with the following, which I’ve printed in red. We thought the modern day National Organization for Women (NOW) might particularly like it.

Punts? You want to hear about punts? Oy, I’ll give you already a story about punts!

It was the cold winter of 1804 and I was in the service of Meri and Bill on the Oregon Trail. Being fluent in English, French, and Shoshone, I was tasked with carrying a note containing the supply order to M. Carbonneau’s trading post, many miles away. All those languages—so confusing at times for a Shoshone girl. The order said, “Please have three punts and a canoe ready for us on Tuesday.”

Unfortunately, along the way, a beaver ate the note and I had to hastily scrawl out a copy of the order when I got to my destination. As nightfall was nigh, I quickly dropped off the rewritten order and beat a hasty path back to the boys’ camp. I had a close encounter with a bear, but I was able to rejoin the party, which left the next day for the trading post.

Upon our reaching the trading post the proprietor greeted Lewis & Clark. “Welcome, Lewis and Clark! I was pleased to receive your order, but there is one problem, mes amis. I got you the girls, but what the hell is a ‘panoe’?”

Um, thank you, Janey.

This Turkey will be back with a hopefully relevant write up about the Syracuse game later in the week, possibly, maybe.

Perhaps.

Hunt Cracks Eagles Starting Lineup

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No, you’re not reading that wrong. A few weeks ago, former Penn State star running back Tony Hunt was improbable to make the Philadelphia Eagles roster at all, let alone as a starter. The Eagles had acquired Lorenzo Booker from Miami, which resulted in Hunt being moved to #4 on the depth chart—a certain trip to the gallows on cut-down day.

However, Hunt’s performance on special teams and as fullback saved him. ???? ???? ??? ??? ???? He will be the Eagles’ starting fullback, responsible for protecting Donovan McNabb and blocking for Brian Westbrook, two tall orders. ???????? ???????? What he won’t be doing is carrying the ball very much, as the fullback doesn’t figure into many plays in the Eagles’ version of the West Coast Offense.

Will Hunt remain the starting fullback as the season progresses? Two things govern that: his performance and which experienced blocking backs show up on the waiver wire. ?????? ??? ???? ????? This Turkey does not believe that Hunt’s position on the depth chart is set in concrete.

Read the story in the Centre Daily Times.

Goin’ Postal on Coastal

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Well, the Nittany Lions broke the cherry on another fine season by meeting another fine cream puff, beating the Division I-AA (FCS) Coastal Carolina Chanticleers, 66-10. It truly wasn’t that close.

Speaking of cream puffs and cherries, we promised you a topical guest reporter for each game, and for this game the guest reporter is Ms. Caitlin Upton, Miss Teen South Carolina 2007. Caitlin just remembered to file her report, so this Turkey apologizes for the lateness. Take it away, Caitlin!

Caitlin Upton
Caitlin Upton

Like I’m writing this in purple because it’s totally my favorite color. Hi, I’m Caitlin, and I was way late in filing this report because of the hurricane in the Iraq. (For those U.S. Americans who don’t have maps, the Iraq is like right next to the South Africa, and everywhere like, such as.)

Whatever, Caitlin.

Anyhow, I was totally impressed with the size of Beaver Stadium. There were like over a hundred thousand U.S. Americans there and probably a few from the Iraq and the Asian countries. Like, I was also impressed with the boys from Coastal Carolina, such as! They were way over their heads, such as, but they like played the whole game. And they’re all so cute, I mean especially the big ones. I personally believe that they got some education, you know, the education over here in the U.S., which is what kind of help they need. I cried when they lost but we in the South Carolina are like really proud!

OK, that’s enough, Caitlin! Thank you.

(What the hell did that girl say?)

This Turkey was drunk by halftime, so I have no detailed, albeit sophomoric, analysis to present here. In fact, Caitlin’s report might be the best reporting you find here, such as. Thus, a cursory, opinion laced collection of observation follows.

The offense was impressive, primarily due to the offensive line, which is now the best component of the attack unit, if not the entire team. Through my own wine-colored glasses, I can say that both Clark and Devlin looked good against no defense at all. (I hate the word crisp as applied to passers, so I won’t use it here. Just one of those stupid fucking sportswriter vogue words you see everywhere. Well, you won’t see it here, except in this excoriation. I’ll give you a crisp pass, right up your ass! It’s too late for Crispy Critters, already! I better not see anything crisp out there, unless it comes out of a box of crackers. But I digress.) Our diabolical running game, abetted by our proudly coalescent and suddenly competent offensive line (praise Jesus!), looked good as well. Every time I regained consciousness, Royster seemed to be finding his way into the end zone. The receivers were pretty good as well, but Derrick Williams still goes down too easily. It’s like Caitlin could blow him over from the third row in the South stands, but I bet she blows well.

I wasn’t quite as impressed by the defense. Coastal’s cagey coach’s calculated counter to the aggressive Penn State pass rush consisted of running screens and quick crossing patterns, which were poorly defended by the PSU back seven. In fact, one of those plays went for a touchdown that made the score 14-7 at an early juncture. I didn’t mind the late field goal, but that touchdown gave me some ominous feelings about whether the linebackers and secondary would be up to the task this year.

How often do I criticize the PSU defense? Except for some specific crappy performances (viz., Justin King, last year), I’m usually pretty kind to the defense. I hope I can be kind to them this year, too, but they’ve got to show me more than they showed me in this game. (I know, I know, they only allowed 10 points. Yeah, but to whom?) For the moment, the defensive line is exonerated. Those lads were quick, brutal, and competent. (Crisp? Shaddup!!) Evans and Maybin…awesome. However, we need to pray that everyone stays healthy. Moreover, the linebackers and secondary better come together quickly.

I hope Bowman caught hell for that stupid playground crap he pulled on the opening kickoff. If he had fallen on the ball, it would have been a sure touchdown (albeit scored by the offense, not by him), but by trying to pick it up, he gave it back to the Chanticleers, who dodged a major bullet. Thank you Navorro. You get the first Bonehead Play of the Week award, which I just invented.

It is this Turkey’s opinion that we did not get much, if any, exposure to the vaunted Spread HD. I personally believe that we’ll get some clues this week against the Beavers.

Finally, just a word about special teams. Other than Derrick Williams’ run-backs, I didn’t see anything very special. Even Derrick, as mentioned before, seems to hit the dirt at the slightest provocation. However, the coverage on kickoffs yet again appears grossly deficient. This was Coastal Carolina, ferchrissakes, folks, not Ohio State. They better learn how to cover kickoffs.

The good news is that the boys on offense took care of the ball. I hope fumble-itis is now an extinct disease. I guess Morelli’s departure was a step in the right direction, turnoverwise. The even better news is that there were no significant injuries.

All in all, this Turkey did not see anything that would make me change my opinion about the season. I still think we’re looking at 8-4.

Sorry about the flimsy, anecdotal report. It was the first cream puff of the year and I didn’t feel like staying sober. I’ll be bad later in the week with the poop on Oregon State. In honor of the Beavers, the drink of the week will be the Shaved Beaver. Try it, you’ll like it!