The Nittany Turkey

Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

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Shipley Goes Off on Off-Field Shenanigans

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According to Fight On State, in response to the most recent off-field incident (that would be Andrew Quarless’ DUI and underage drinking episode), senior center A. Q. Shipley was heard to offer the following plaintive lamentations, according to one of FOS’ ubiquitous “observers”:

“[Center A.Q.] Shipley was [pissed],” an observer said. “He was going off in the locker room earlier this week. They thought he was going to hit someone. The locker room cleared out. He was yelling, ‘[Fucking] idiots. How many [fucking] times does it take to learn? [Fucking] grow a brain.’ ”

(All instances of censored verbiage were replaced by words like “ticked” and “bleeping” in the original FOS report. I replaced them with a more reasonable representation of the actual verbiage. Nobody in a locker room is “ticked” and no self-respecting offensive lineman would ever use the inoffensive word “bleeping” in a tirade. I left the original brackets in there because I don’t know—although I can conjecture—that’s what he actually said.)

In posing the rhetorical question, “How many times…?”, Shipley was referring to the previous, similar incident that caused Quarless to sit down for the beginning of the season last year. This is a valid question and one that might spell the end of Quarless’ career. Anyone can make one judgment error and get caught. Repeating the crime is the mark of a true idiot and scofflaw.

The first time around, this Turkey asked you all to give Quarless a break. After all, who among us didn’t engage in underage drinking at PSU?

This time, I’m talking out of the other side of my mouth. Quarless knew that he would hurt the team and himself if he got caught, and he significantly increased his chances of getting caught by driving drunk down a main thoroughfare. He could have at least had the sense to do his partying behind closed doors. He deserves to get his ass kicked off the team.

The once promising tight end might never fulfill his promise, either at PSU or beyond, in the NFL. Quarless has all but killed the goose that lays the golden eggs.

On the other hand, Shipley appears poised to become the senior leader we all hoped he would be.

Some Semi-Relevant Quickies

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Before I get cranked up to proffer my irreverent opinions about who will win this year’s American Idol, I have some tidbits and follow-ups that are thematically relevant, to wit:

  • Tight end Andrew Quarless was suspended from the wintering football team after being arrested for DUI following some Saturday night revelry. He blew a .084. Oh, by the way, Quarless is 19 and he was driving a white BMW that ostensibly belonged to “a friend.”
  • LaschOut.com is reporting that Bill Cowher’s house in Raleigh is up for sale.
  • Defensive tackle Phil Taylor was formally charged in last year’s HUB fraternity party incident.
  • Chris Baker was exonerated by PSU Judicial Affairs for his alleged involvement in the same indicent. However, he still faces criminal charges relating to both the Melee at the Meridian and the HUB Hullabaloo.
  • Austin Scott (remember him?) will participate in Pro Day at PSU on March 13 to show off his skills, or lack of same for NFL scouts. They’re going to just love his reluctance to smash through holes (on the field, that is).

And now, back to whatever I was doing before I got this inspiration.

Cowher Visits Curley

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LaschOut.com is reporting that their sources revealed that ex-Steelers head coach Bill Cowher, presently working in broadcasting, paid an overnight visit to Penn State Athletic Director Tim Curley on February 24 and 25. It was a sleepover, and they’re both known to be straight, so speculation (and wishful thinking) abounds on the purpose of the visit to PSU.

Some of the speculation is being defused by the notion that perhaps Cowher was there in connection with his daughter Lindsey’s basketball aspirations. Penn State is one of the schools she is seriously considering. However, some are pooh-poohing that by noting that such a visit might be a violation of recruiting rules. Of course, all these speculations and counter-speculations are being proffered by fans who pull things out of their ass.

Well, what if—what if Cowher was there to talk about the Nittany Lion head coaching job? What if?