The Nittany Turkey

Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

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Nut Case Alert!

Posted on May 5, 2008 Written by The Nittany Turkey

PETA has spoken. In the wake of the tragic Kentucky Derby place finish of the ill-fated filly Eight Belles, they have written a nastygram to the person in charge: Senator Hillary Clinton. Furthermore, just to make sure Hillary gets the message, they’re writing another nastygram to daughter Chelsea. PETA knows how to play dirty, too, thank you very much.

If you don’t know by this time, Eight Belles broke both front ankles as she charged down the stretch in a game effort to catch Big Brown, the big colt that won the race. While Big Brown was enjoying his moment of glory in the winner’s circle, Eight Belles was being euthanized on the track where she had broken down. She paid $10.60 and $6.40, posthumously.

I do not dispute the notion that the Kentucky Horse Racing Association should investigate the circumstances surrounding the filly’s tragic injury. Without being prompted to do so, the KHRA did, in fact, initiate such an investigation, which is routine anytime an animal dies on the track.

However, our nutball friends at PETA are taking this opportunity to make their silly-ass noises to expand their notariety, not only writing to Hillary and Chelsea, but also calling for the dismissal and banning of the jockey, who was out there trying to do his job. Their position is that the life of the horse is far more important than a man’s ability to earn a living and feed his family. In the meanwhile, they exploit this tragic incident to further their own questionable agenda.

PETA has had horse racing (the sport of kings) in its cross-hairs for a long time, claiming that it constitutes cruelty to their precious animals, which people “bet on just like a poker hand.” They equate it to dog fighting. If these yo-yos had their way, you wouldn’t even be able to kick your neighbor’s dog’s ass for taking a crap on your lawn.

Well, I don’t know about you, brother, but if I had had the choice, I sure as hell would have opted for a life consisting of two or three years of hard work followed by a career of chasing fillies and brood mares on some cushy stud farm. Just ask any stallion if he would have it any other way! If he could talk, he’d hoist his middle finger in PETA’s direction, and whinny out a great big belly laugh.

I know that only a small percentage of the overall racing population winds up enjoying those romantically bucolic rendezvoux, but what the hell. It would be worth the gamble. If I couldn’t compete I’d deserve to be horse meat on some foreigner’s plate or to spend my afterlife holding together the binding of a book.

Besides, now that the Swiss government has engaged a panel to report on man’s offenses against the dignity of plants and considers “beheading” wildflowers as cruelty to plants, one has to believe that the mere existence of horses constitutes cruelty to oats.

You can read the full text of the letter to Hillary in this Political Punch blog post from ABC News.

Does anyone out there—especially in the wonderful world of politics—have the balls to shut these wankers the hell up?

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Filed Under: General Tagged With: animal rights, Hillary Clinton, horse racing, PETA, plant rights, politics, Sports

PSU Going to the Rose Bowl?

Posted on October 23, 2007 Written by The Nittany Turkey

Do whut, Buford? How?

Hint: We gotta beat tOSU.

A friend, who shall be known here only as zbeard, has graciously but unknowingly provided an analysis of the tediuous Big Ten championship tie-breaker rules, which admit a slim possibility of a PSU coup, given a lot of help from others, a few favorable breaks, a blue moon, and something about donkeys being able to fly. This is taken from an e-mail, reprinted without permission (but who says I need any):

OSU (4-0) & Michigan(4-0) are currently in the driver’s seat. If they win out, their final game will settle the Big 10 championship. Ill(3-2) & PSU(3-2) have very outside chances. Purdue(2-2) & Wisconsin(2-2) also have outside chances. For PSU to win, we have to win out which puts one loss on OSU. OSU has to win at Michigan but lose one other game (home vs Wisconsin & Illinois). Michigan has to lose to OSU and one other game (home vs Minnesota, away vs MSU & Wisconsin). That scenario results in a 3 way tie and nulls the 1st tiebreaker which is one team beating the other two and the 2nd tiebreaker (2 teams defeated the 3rd). The 3rd tiebreaker hurts both Michigan and OSU since they played a FCS (formerly Div 1-AA) and PSU gets the nod. Big Ten tiebreaker has full details.

Oy, my head hurts! Nevertheless, thanks for the fine techno-pigskin analysis, zbeard, unwittingly provided to this blog though it might be. I would have never had the patience to wade through all that stuff myself. However, you’ve gotta stop putting two spaces after each period. That stuff went out with Mrs. Abrams’ sixth grade typing class. (I took the liberty of fixing it for this electronic medium, and Mrs. Abrams retired in 1972.)

Hey, speaking of pigskin, we don’t hear that term much anymore, do we? What’s the deal there? Have the political correctness police expunged yet another innocuous term from our everyday vocabulary? Are we catering to Muslim sensitivities again? Or is PETA behind it? YEAH, that’s it—PETA! That single-mindedly perverted bunch of bellicose, pomeranian-hugging weenies screw everything up for everybody! Especially Michael Vick. Former All-Star NBA power forward and future governor of Alabama Charles Barkley once said, “Animals are good for two things: eatin’ and wearin’.” And if God didn’t want us to eat animals, then why did He make them out of meat? Never mind. It’s a rhetorical question. But I digress. You will not find censorship of the word pigskin here! My Jewish grandmother made me promise that I would wash my hands after playing with that thing and that I would never, ever bring it into her house. Yeah, I meant the damn football! Pigskin, pigskin, pigskin! Take that, PETA, and I better not catch you wearing leather shoes!

Oh, yeah. Back to our Rose Bowl chances. To simplify zbeard’s analysis, I can break it down to two possible scenarios: slim and none. That’s succinct. Terse, even. Now, don’t get me started on at-large BCS bids. That ain’t gonna happen, either. Too many good SEC and PAC-10 teams running around. Forget the BCS this year, folks. Or call your lawyers and try to find some loopholes in the legalese. The Nittany Lions ain’t going to be able to play their way into the BCS. Not this year.

They’ve turned over the pigskin too many times.

(zbeard is is real name, you know—and, yes, he writes it in Italics.)

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Filed Under: Penn State Football Tagged With: Big Ten, Charles Barkley, lightning rod, Nittany Lions, Penn State, PETA, pigskin, Rose Bowl

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The Nittany Turkey is a retired techno-geek who thinks he knows something about Penn State football and everything else in the world. If there's a topic, we have an opinion on it, and you know what "they" say about opinions! Most of what is posted here involves a heavy dose of hip-shooting conjecture, but unlike some other blogs, we don't represent it as fact. Read More…

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