The Nittany Turkey

Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

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CEO, PSU Football, Inc.

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Vince Lombardi
Vince Lombardi

If Dave Joyner’s search committee is seeking to replace Joe Paterno’s job in its entirety by one man, it might just as well be sending up smoke signals in the hope of convincing Vince Lombardi to drop in for an interview. This head coaching  job is far too big for most pure football guys — guys who are great coaches and personnel developers, who love the game and want to spend their time being coaches. It is no wonder that the search committee is taking what seems like forever.

The Penn State job is not just a head coaching job. Paterno was de facto CEO of a $50 million a year business, one which supported most of the other athletic programs at the University. At one time he was athletic director, but he stepped down from that post when he got Tim Curley (presently awaiting trial on perjury charges) hired. It is well known that Paterno continued to run the program as a CEO with little or no oversight from so-called higher ups. Hail Caesar! Aside from running the organization, a significant amount of his time was spent rubbing elbows with deep pocketed supporters — not only football boosters but also individuals and corporations who were potential donors to the University’s endowment and to other pots wanting to be filled. He was as successful at fund raising as he was on the football field. Finding a replacement who can immediately step into Joe’s shoes is about as likely as this Turkey kicking a 65-yard field goal into a 45 mph head wind.

In contrast with major college football coaches, NFL coaches don’t have to worry about raising funds. The front office handles all that. NFL coaches don’t have to worry about running the organization. The front office handles that. An NFL coach spends most of his time coaching the team, which is why he wanted to coach in the NFL in the first place.

Thus, it followed that when former Nittany Lion and current NFL Tennessee Titans head coach Mike Munchak declared that he did not want the head coaching job at Penn State after spending all of his post-PSU life with Oilers/Titans organization and finally being promoted to head coach this year, it was completely understandable to me. Not only was he part of his current organization for thirty years, but also did he know anything at all about running a major college football operation? How could he? It would have been a drastic change from coaching in the NFL. No, the Penn State job is not a fit for Munchak. He played at PSU, but that was for four years a generation ago. His head coaching experience was nil up to this year; this year he is coaching in the NFL, which as I’ve said is an animal of a different stripe. Forget Munchak. Good guy, bad fit.

The other name mentioned by various wonks of late is Tom Clements, a native of da Burgh, and the current Green Bay Packers quarterback coach. Woo hoo, he coached Aaron Rogers, a guy who came to the Packers with considerable talent to begin with. He also coached Kordell Stewart and Elvis Grbac, and neither turned out to be an Aaron Rogers. Choosing him as Penn State’s head coach for that reason alone would be absolute folly. A McKees Rocks native? Yeah, so he’d be closer to his old family homestead. How does that help Penn State? On the other hand, Clements is a lawyer who practiced and taught law. This could come in handy, given Penn State’s recent difficulties, but seriously, at the very least it means he can communicate well and has no problems in dealing with corporate types and rich folks. Unfortunately, he has no head coaching experience. His life has been spent either being a quarterback, a quarterback coach, or a lawyer. Is he a viable candidate for the Penn State CEO job?

Those were the only two names I’ve heard mentioned at this stage. One is not interested and the other has spartan qualifications (no Moo U. pun intended). What’s Joyner and his committee of six got up its collective sleeve?

Penn State is the only remaining high profile NCAA FBS Division coaching job as yet unfilled and there don’t seem to be any candidates left. Are we back to “Hire Bradley and Buy a Couple Years”?

It might make sense to do just that. The job is too hot to handle right now, owing to the Great Sandusky Scandal. Who the hell wants to ride into State College on his white horse to save our ass when he has to gallop through such huge puddles of excrement everywhere he goes, turning the proud white stallion into an old chestnut gelding in a flash? He can look forward to shit flying from the NCAA, from the Pennsylvania Attorney General, from the alleged victims and their families, from the U.S. Department of Justice, and, of course, from the so-called haters who pollute Internet message boards with their quasi-literate anti-Penn State epithets. Who needs that?

One thing I think we all know is that Tom Bradley would take the job if it were offered to him.

PSU is looking for a needle in a haystack, and that needle probably doesn’t exist. They want someone who:

  • Has a pure, squeaky clean background without a single black mark, either legal or moral
  • Can run a $50 million dollar annual college football operation
  • Has experience as a head coach in the NCAA FBS Division
  • Is a cool enough customer to handle the constant harangue about the Sandusky affair

Does such a person exist, or will they have to make some compromises? I submit that they damn well will, as there seem to be no NCAA FBS Division current or former head coaches available, unless you count the ageless Lou Holtz (actual age: 75), who seems to be safely ensconced in the broadcast studios of ESPN.  (Furthermore, Lou had been fingered as being on the advisory council for The Second Mile, but he says he was duped. But I digress.) They’ll be looking for someone without the requisite experience, thus requiring on-the-job training, a someone who would step into a mess with administration officials under indictment for perjury and a football program that prime recruits are leaving like rats off a sinking ship. Who be dat? Where he be? Who’s da man who would risk his neck for brotha man?

Shaft! (Can ya dig it?)

Is it any wonder why Penn State President Rod Erickson recently uttered a controversial statement about wanting to de-emphasize football at the University? Of course, that foot-in-mouth statement was met by the expected uproar, but Erickson might have been saying that we’ll never find anyone qualified to run this damn thing the way it had been run up until the firing of Paterno, so we have no choice but to reduce our expectations for the program and its yet to be named leader.

Munchak and Clements being the two big names bandied about lately means either of two things to this Turkey: Joyner’s committee is desperately flailing about trying to get someone, anyone willing, with some kind of credentials or at least a minimal tie-in to the program or the area, or there is a secret deal waiting for “the appropriate time” to be announced. In due course (or eventually, whichever comes later), this suspense will end. We might wind up with someone none of us had ever heard of, and then the questions will start. It will be a field day for writers. I’m oiling my arthritic turkey joints in advance of the big occasion.

I think that the name that emerges will be a complete surprise to the vast majority of us.

What do you think?

Stay away from our bowl, PSU!

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Mike Bianchi
Mike Bianchi

One of the sports columnists on the staff of the Orlando Sentinel, Mike Bianchi, spewed bile and added fuel to the anti-Penn State fire this morning when he wrote a hit piece entitled “Go away, Penn State, we don’t want you in our bowl game.”

Bianchi apparently has nothing better to do, as the NBA lockout has denied him one of the usual outlets for his vitriol, the Orlando Magic.

His premise is decidedly untrue, so I hope his effort to undermine a Capital One Bowl invitation falls flat on its ugly face.

Apparently, Bianchi is incensed that Steve Hogan, Executive Director of the Capital One Bowl stated that if Penn State qualified for the Capital One Bowl in Orlando on January 2, he and his committee wouldn’t hesitate to invite them.  “Until somebody in the Big Ten or NCAA tells us those student-athletes don’t deserve to be considered for what they have done on the field, then we’re going to consider them.”

Bianchi opines that Hogan is just doing his job, in view of the contract between the Big Ten and the Capital One Bowl. If Penn State qualifies, his committee has to invite them. “This is why the Big Ten and Penn State must do the right thing and immediately let it be known the Nittany Lions are pulling themselves from bowl consideration while they deal with the most disgusting, despicable, deplorable scandal in the history of college football.”

“Every time the Nittany Lions step on the field, we don’t see a football team; we see a dark, evil place where countless little boys were allegedly allowed to be sexually molested by a football coach.” —Mike Bianchi, Orlando Sentinel

That’s Bianchi’s opinion, not mine. The scandal has nothing at all to do with the players who will take the field against a pretty doggone good opponent. They would miss out on a great opportunity, not because of their actions, but because of something completely beyond their control. But he has a pat answer for that, too.

I understand the players at Penn State have done nothing wrong, but too bad. It happens all the time in the NCAA: Innocent players are punished years later for the actions of a bunch of cheating coaches, boosters or administrators.

Oh, and suppose the Lions win tomorrow at Camp Randall, and receive a Rose Bowl invitation. You would think that Bianchi would be happy that PSU would be as far away from Orlando as possible without going to the Hula Bowl. But, no, he’s thought about that possibility and still hysterically flails away at Penn State.

Can you imagine if Penn State ends up in Pasadena with the massive baggage and nuclear fallout from the child sex abuse scandal that has already cost iconic coach Joe Paterno his job? All of those sweet-smelling flowers in the Tournament of Roses parade will suddenly stink from the stench of the horrific allegations against Sandusky. And when the commentators talk about “The Granddaddy of Them All”, they will be referring to the scandal and not the bowl game.

Give me a break! But Bianchi doesn’t relent as he goes on kicking our guys when they’re down.

Bowls [sic] games were meant to be gridiron galas — joyous, jubilant occasions where fans from both schools come together for a fun-filled football festival. They were meant to be a celebration of the great sport of college football.

If Penn State comes to town, the celebration turns to castigation. The mere presence of the Nittany Lions will cast a pall over every activity. Even the cheery holiday bowl parade in Orlando will seem more like a funeral march.

Really? When Penn State comes to town, it’s always a great party. We alumni party hearty. In terms of impact to the local economy, Penn State is a godsend for any venue lucky enough to get us and our big bucks. We “travel well.” Bianchi doesn’t particularly care.

There will be no pall. It will be bowl business as usual. This is all about football, fun, friends, and spirit, not about politics, scandals, and child molestation. Sure, we’re all ashamed of what happened between Sandusky and the kids — it was horrendous to find out about it and our revulsion doesn’t compare with what the boys went through. Major steps such as firing Spanier and Paterno having been taken — and I do mean Major — we as alumni still hurt for the kids, and we’ve given a pile of guilt money to NAILL for something we personally didn’t do. Penn State has taught us to be responsible adults.

But I digress. Bianchi still thinks the fans and players need to be punished.

College is supposed to prepare you for the real world. Well, the Penn State football players need to know that in the real world decent, hardworking people sometimes lose their jobs in this economy because of situations beyond their control. This scandal is bigger than a football team. Even though the players are pawns, they still represent a university where the coaches and administrators appear to have covered up the atrocious allegations against Sandusky just so they could protect the football team’s brand. Penn State’s name is now toxic in the minds of most Americans. Every time the Nittany Lions step on the field, we don’t see a football team; we see a dark, evil place where countless little boys were allegedly allowed to be sexually molested by a football coach.

Bianchi’s concluding paragraph rubs it in some more. Americans are far less close-minded than he thinks. Most Americans do not consider Penn State’s name toxic; I give them more credit for their intelligence than that, unlike media hacks like Bianchi, who would like to sway them toward his simplistic black-and-white characterization. Most Americans know that the scandal was the work of a few bad seeds, some in very high places, but they do not punish the graduates of the institution for their association with the school. I have to wonder whether Bianchi would vilify the Gators or the Seminoles in a similar situation.

I live in the Orlando area. Bianchi doesn’t speak for the local citizenry. Typically, he just pisses them off. His bio includes the statement,  “If I write something that’s wrong, just remember this quote: ‘Doctors bury their mistakes, sports columnists print ours.'” Yeah, Bianchi, you’ve done it again — you’ve printed yet another mistake. I hope your email in-box melts down.

In any case, Bianchi is pissing in the wind. The bowl committees don’t really give a damn about what he has to say. They’ll observe their contracts and follow the money, as they always do.

You can email Bianchi at mbianchi@orlandosentinel.com.

NCAA to Investigate PSU

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The latest entity to ride the “strike while the iron is hot” investigation bandwagon careening toward Penn State is the NCAA. In a letter to President Rodney Erickson dated November 17, NCAA President Mark Emmert advised Penn State that the NCAA would be investigating its “institutional control” over its intercollegiate athletics program in light of the Sandusky situation.

“I look forward to the complete cooperation of Penn State in our review and any future action that we may take.”  —Mark Emmert

Emmert promised that the investigation would not interfere with existing inquiries from the State and Federal governments. In addition, there is a pending internal inquiry directed by the Board of Trustees.

The letter requires the university to provide fully substantiated responses to the following questions:

  1. How has Penn State and/or its employees complied with the Articles of the Constitution and bylaws that are cited in this letter?
  2. How has Penn State exercised institutional control over the issues identified in and related to the Grand Jury Report? Were there procedures in place that were or were not followed? What are the institutions expectations and policies to address the conduct that has been alleged in this matter upon discovery by any party?
  3. Have each of the alleged persons to have been involved or have notice of the issues identified in and related to the Grand Jury Report behaved consistent with principles and requirements governing ethical conduct and honesty? If so, how? If not, how?
  4. What policies and procedures does Penn State have in place to monitor, prevent and detect the issues identified in and related to the Grand Jury Report or to take disciplinary or corrective action if such behaviors are found?

Obviously, this is not a purely athletic issue, as virtually the entire university was implicated in looking the other way while Sandusky continued his alleged assaults on youngsters. The NCAA should restrict its investigation to the athletic program, however, because to go beyond that would demonstrate yet another time that athletics are getting too big for their britches.

Just what penalties or sanctions the NCAA might impose upon Penn State in the aftermath of this “review” is anybody’s guess.