The Nittany Turkey

Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

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I Didn’t Get Your Kwanzaa Card Yet!

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It’s the Turkey’s favorite time of the year, a time during which the rum-laced eggnog flows free, healthy, young trees are chopped down for symbolic decoration, materialism abounds, and thanks to the idiotic political correctness movement, people are maximally confused about how they should greet each other to convey the best of the season. We also have the invented me-too, in yo’ face pseudo-holidays such as Kwanzaa. Yes, dear readers: It is the time for Christmas psychosis.

Somehow, in the 231 years since the founding fathers of our great country declared and fought for independence from the Limey mother ship, one of the primary guarantees they sought has been misinterpreted or just plain perverted by the PC gang. ???? ???? ?????? Our founding fathers, devout Christians themselves, sought freedom of religion through constitutional guarantees in the new nation. In the past 30 years or so — the heyday of the PC sanitization movement — revisionists including those who set curricula for our public schools and even universities have misstated the founding fathers’ goals as freedom from religion instead of freedom of religion. Yes, that’s right, folks. Our founding fathers did not wish to suppress the public practice of religion or quash religion completely. Quite the contrary. They wanted — demanded — the freedom to practice their religion. ????? ?????? ??? ????

I really don’t give a damn about the ACLU and its self-serving agenda. That’s yet another passe organization whose useful life was exhausted in the 1970s. But I digress.

It is ridiculous to deny that Christmas is the reason for trees, office parties, gift giving, school vacations, and greeting cards at this time every year. A couple of years ago, I wrote about the lame-brained politically correct movement gravitating us toward saying “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas”. The PC hangers-on went way too far with that one, creating resentment and outrage instead of furthering their homogenization aims. Fortunately, this Turkey has observed somewhat of a rebound effect this year. More people are saying Merry Christmas; fewer are walking on eggs uttering a feeble Happy Holidays. Let us hope for the sake of the future that this trend continues.

When did we become a nation of inconsequential splinter groups trying to become consequential? Why do we have to pander to every religion, pseudo-religion, race, creed, former nationality, future nationality, and physical deformity? Why do we have to treat people as if they were the way we want them to be instead of the way they are? Why do we go along with this nonsense instead of chopping the legs out from under these whining, subversive, inimical individuals and organizations that have become far too powerful and pervasive in their quest for whitewashing (excuse the expression) our society? When did it become so offensive to greet people pleasantly with a sincere Merry Christmas? The political correctness movement responsible for this is empowered by our ennui; they have only become relevant because we’ve let them.

This Turkey is Jewish. Hanukkah is a relatively minor holiday whose status was elevated primarily in this country in an attempt to give it equal footing with Christmas. This is stupid, although I admire the capitalistic spirit of the greeting card companies. I light candles and say Happy Hanukkah to fellow Jews, but I have no trouble differentiating our little holiday from Christmas. I do not regard it as the “consolation winter holiday” for Jews who do not celebrate Christmas. Furthermore, I am not offended in the slightest if someone wishes me a Merry Christmas. I do not correct them; there is no need for that. I sincerely wish them a Merry Christmas in return. This does not make me any less a Jew. I do not wish to be offended by proxy, either. For some non-Jew to be offended “for me” when someone “inconsiderately” wishes me a Merry Christmas is ludicrous. You want to become a Jew? Convert. We don’t push for it and we don’t make it easy, but there are ways. If you’d rather just speak for me, then shut your mouth. I don’t need or want you representation, especially if your initials are A.C.L.U.

Last, but certainly least on the list of Christmas sub-psychoses, there’s Kwanzaa. This contrived non-holiday was concocted in 1967 so that the oppressed so-called African-American minority, most of them gladly far removed from and blithely unconcerned about the Dark Continent, would have something to celebrate as an alternative to Christmas, the annual winter celebration of the prevailing culture. (Oops. At that time the accepted euphemism was “Afro-American,” but I digress once again.) Kwanzaa, taken from the Swahili word “kwanza” but with an extra “a” added just for the hell of it, was a blatant “protest holiday” back in the era of the civil rights movement; however, it is now passe, except perhaps in the greeting card industry. Why do we need it? Instead of finding ways to differentiate components of our multi-cultural society, we should be seeking ways to bring them together. The divisive protests of the civil rights era were aimed at achieving equality among the races. ????? ??? ?????? ??? We’ve come a long way since then, but the alphabet soup organizations such as the aforementioned ACLU and the NAACP would prefer to heed the call of the past and drive the wedge deeper. Besides, Kwanzaa never really caught on.

Perhaps we should invent yet another pseudo-holiday and call it Bonzaa, in honor of the self-serving morons who brought us to where we are with this thing. (That’s taken from the Turkese word “bonzo,” with the “o” replaced by “aa” just for the hell of it.) Everybody could dance around a giant statue of Hillary Clinton or something.

Does Christmas offend Buddhists? I doubt it. Does it offend Muslims? Yeah, probably, but the mere existence of Christians, Jews, and other assorted “infidels” inflames many Muslims. So, what they think is unimportant to me. Religion of peace, my ass.

I’ll eat great quantities of Christmas cookies, I’ll give people Christmas presents as I see fit, and I’ll conclude this excoriation by wishing you all a very Merry Christmas.

The Turkey Trots to a New Home

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Well, a new URL, anyway. I decided to give The Nittany Turkey its own new home, so please change your bookmarks and other links to point to http://www.nittanyturkey.com. I have installed a permanent redirect at the old location, so all the old bookmarks and links will continue to work indefinitely just in case you forget to change them.

I’ve been wanting to make this move for some time now, but until tonight I had been too lazy to do it. ???? ???? ????? While I’ve tried to think of everything that could possibly break, there’s always something that slips by me, so please apprise me of any glitches you encounter. ???? ?????? ????

This is the first step in my planned make-over for The Nittany Turkey. The page design is getting a little long in the tooth, so one of these days you’ll see a big change. Just when that will be I can’t tell you yet. ????? ?????

Thanks for your readership and Merry Christmas from the Turkey.

AARP Sucks

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I am taking a breather from football long enough to go off about something that has royally pissed me off. Hey, what good is having a blog if I can’t go off in it every now and then?

It is no secret that the Turkey is an old fart, a so-called Baby Boomer, one of those aging drains on society who for the rest of your working lives you’ll be toiling to support via your contributions to dwindling mythical Social Security and Medicare pools. As such, I have a great big beef with our favorite Grey Power lobbyists and dysfunctional support organization, which used to be called the American Association of Retired Persons but is now officially known as simply AARP. (That’s pronounced A-A-R-P, spelled out, rather than sounding like a burp. The ostensibly non-profit organization made the name change so it could sell insurance to people who are not retired.) Notwithstanding their shift to the “progressive” far left, which is anything but representative of the successful members of the mainstream elder segment of our society, I submit that this supposedly non-profit, elder protective organization scams senior citizens in much the same manner as do those nefarious businesses they condemn for doing the same thing.

A Case in Point

Back in 1996, when this Turkey turned 50, I received a membership solicitation from AARP. At the time, there was an option to sign up for lifetime membership for approximately $40, which seemed to be an excellent deal. I went for it because not only was AARP offering a package that provided significant discounts for rental cars, hotels, cruises, and so forth, but also their political orientation was much closer to middle-of-the-road with a serious eye toward advancing the needs of the aging population. I considered their views generally representative of mine and, by and large, those of my contemporaries. Thus, a lifetime membership for $40 seemed like a win-win proposition.

The first indication that something was awry came in the form of a membership card with an expiration date in 2007. Say what? I bought a lifetime membership. A lifetime membership expires when I do. Did AARP know something I didn’t? They seemed to know when I was going to turn 50, the minimum age necessary to qualify for membership, having sent me the membership solicitation one month before my 50th birthday. Did they also know when I was going to expire? Back at the time, I got some mileage out of telling that story, but then I quickly forgot about it. Ten years rolled by without giving it more than a passing thought.

When 2007 rolled around, I received an expiration notice from AARP. What the hell? I had paid for a lifetime membership! According to them, my lifetime was up in April 2007! Obviously, I threw the notice in the wastebasket. The notices kept coming. Each month my mailbox would have yet another expiration notice; each month it was immediately transferred to the trash. Finally, today, I received a “reinstatement” offer that would “entitle” me to re-establish my membership for 1, 3, or 5 years at the current going rate ($12.50, $29.50, or $39.95, respectively). I had had enough of this crap, so I scrawled some puerile epithets on the mail-in card and sent it back to AARP in their postage-paid reply envelope. I’m certain that it will quickly make its way into the garbage, but I felt better having done it.

I’m Not the Only Scammee

It gets better. Interestingly enough, without me prompting him and without him knowing anything about my AARP situation, a friend recently mentioned to me that he, too, had paid for a lifetime membership in AARP back in 1996 or 1997 and was also apprised this year that his lifetime had expired. Furthermore, when I mentioned to another friend that I was writing this piece, he told me that he, too, had been hoodwinked similarly. So, my situation is not a fluke. Apparently, this unscrupulous practice is widespread among AARP’s unknowing lifetime members.

Did I miss some fine print somewhere? That print had to be pretty damn fine! As any reader of The Nittany Turkey knows, I’m a cynic and I generally don’t take anything at face value. The word AARP used in the membership solicitation was lifetime. How the hell many different interpretations are there for the word lifetime? Can it mean something less than a lifetime? An approximate lifetime? A sorta lifetime? What? I cannot believe that I would have missed wording such as “until death of the member or 2007, whichever comes first.” The irony here is that AARP regularly decries similar “lifetime” offers made by others as scams against the elderly. I suppose the rules don’t apply to them.

An honorable business—and don’t think for a minute that AARP is not big business—lives by its commitments. If its policies change, grandfathering in (no pun intended) those who have been given deals under old policies is the only equitable and acceptable treatment. Arrogant businesses that fail to uphold commitments certainly do not deserve to have my business. AARP won’t have mine.

Clearly, the AARP’s political philosophies have diverged from mine, so I’m not going to miss them. They’re just not representative of my interests or of those of many from my generation, and I feel that their agenda is in many ways deleterious to the very people they are supposedly supporting. That is my opinion. Furthermore, does AARP exist to support elders or to sell them insurance? Many of their lobbying efforts seem directed at greasing the skids for their insurance rake-off. Therefore, one has to wonder not only about the definition of lifetime, but also about the definition of non-profit in the AARP distorted dictionary. Accordingly, from my perspective, they don’t deserve any more money from me. However, more importantly, they should not be able to abrogate a lifetime membership contract with impunity. I’d still like the discounts, which are what induced me to sign up in the first place.

I have to wonder about exactly how many of their constituents (or former constituents) they’ve screwed over in this manner.

Want More Info?

This Isn’t the Old AARP, by Dale van Atta, Los Angeles Times
On Issues From Medicare to Medication, AARP’s Money Will Be There, Jeffrey H. Birnbaum, Washington Post
AARP Says It Will Become Major Medicare Insurer While Remaining a Consumer Lobby, Robert Pear, New York Times