#4 Penn State 49, Purdue 10
Well? What did you expect, already? Such a mismatch you wouldn’t believe! The Penn State Nittany Lions, albeit over-ranked, defeated the West Lafayette High School Junior Boilermakers’ cheerleading squad 49-10, before a rapidly emptying Ross-Ade Stadium ‘crowd’. (Official attendance was 58,346. All except the 346 had left by mid-third quarter). We knew what the outcome of this one would be for several weeks, although most of us didn’t think about it at all, having filed it in the ‘win’ bin at season’s outset.
Like Roberto Durán before the ninth round in the 1980 Sugar Ray Leonard fight, the Junior Boilermakers should have taken a cue from the dwindling crowds and muttered, “¡No más!”, as they were about to emerge from the Joe Tiller tunnel at the outset of the second half. But to their credit, outmanned and doomed, they came out and played their little hearts out to no avail, other than to add some points by virtue of a touchdown in garbage time.
What to say? Nothing.
What can I write about? The usual suspects did well, and we got to see some promising Penn State freshmen, who entered the game in the third quarter when the outcome was so far from being in doubt that even if they handed the ball to the Junior Boilermakers on every touch, the game would still be won. Beau Pribula took over for Drew Allar, but we did not see fellow Ohioan Ethan Grunkenmeyer, a highly touted Penn State freshman quarterback. In all, sixty-eight players got real game playing time.
How about the stats and a digression?!
Stats are meaningless in a mismatch like this, so I won’t be crowing about how “dominant” Penn State was. A kindergarten teacher is dominant over her class, but you don’t see anyone bragging about it. After all, it’s expected, normal, natural, and unremarkable. I cannot even dredge up some bullshit here, except to say that if you thought Purdue had half a chance to win this game, then you’re the type who would bet on Mike Tyson against Jake Paul, who didn’t even work up a sweat against the tired, 58-year-old Rusted Iron Mike. Your bank account undoubtedly reflects your sports betting acuity, too.
Why the hell were Tyson and Paul fighting with 16-oz sparring gloves instead of 10-oz and why were two-minute rounds fought instead of three? That alone should have told you it was a staged exhibition with the object of it not being too embarrassing for the geriatric former heavyweight champ while bilking the attendees at AT&T Stadium and the viewing subscribers on Netflix. Tickets to the live event ranged from $78 in the upper deck, where binoculars were required to see the boxing ants, to a $2 million MVP “Owner’s Experience”. Ringside seats on the stadium floor were $1,900 each. Fortunately, the undercard was entertaining. In fact, the Netflix Internet dropouts were more exciting than the main event.
Every digression needs a digression.
But I digress, a trite phrase stolen by other PSU blogs who wish to mock my pseudo-erudition, digression notwithstanding, as it were. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. In fact, I am flattered even more than when I compliment my good looks when I look in the mirror.
What else can I say here? I always wondered how Ross-Ade Stadium got its name. Is Ross-Ade something like Gator-Ade? Those guys playing there need all the sports drinks they can get, I guess. Give them all extra Ross-Ade. Don’t stop me, I’m on a roll.
Wrapping it up, already, thank God.
What the hell else can I say? I predicted 41-3 and friend Mike predicted 40-3. The spread wound up 30.5. Penn State easily covered for a change, but what did you expect? If the starters had stayed in for Penn State, the outcome would have been about 56-3. And it wasn’t even that close. I was sitting in my family room watching with Jenny falling asleep while I texted Mike and old lifelong PSU friend Joe about the game. The remarkable difference in our texts this week is that we did not feel the need to bitch about Franklin’s dumbass decisions or poor officiating. But I’m sure TS (name elided to protect the guilty) and the Almighty Sanguinarians will propose a summary indictment of the officiating, if only on general principles and force of habit.
Last time I was in Lafayette, it was snowing and I was charging the Tesla in the parking lot of a Meijer Grocery with a singular objective in mind: Get the hell out of Indiana! But afterward, someone asked whether we had visited the Purdue campus. WTF, why the hell would I do that? In the snow, already? So I could get a six-pack of Ross-Ade? Some things completely make no sense.
Back to today, the Super Moon rose over Ross-Ade and supermooned the Junior Boilermakers, as did the Penn State Nittany Lions, 49-10. Now, let it snow. Take THAT, Mark Pappas!
Other Games of Import
Wisconsin and #1 Oregon are tied 13-13 in the fourth quarter as I write this drivel. OMG OMG WTF if Bucky prevails against the Quackers? In that case, the nitwits at the CFP would put one-loss tOSU at #1, one-loss Texas at #2, and one-loss PSU at #3. Too soon to bitch about that, but what Penn State should be playing for at this point is home field advantage in at least one playoff game. Of course, that is putting the damn cart about two blocks before the horse because we’ve all got a couple of games left. To coin a phrase, we need to go 1-0 next Saturday against 6-4 Minnesota, and 1-0 on Black Friday Weekend against the 4-5 Twerps.
Next weekend is the so-called showdown between undefeated and untested #5 Indiana and the #2 Schmuckeyes. That nooner will be entertaining, consequential to Big Ten standings as it is.
No more digressions. Promise.
I’ll be back mid-week, after celebrating a birthday age that based on the juvenile prose above is so old you wouldn’t believe. What am I coming back next week for, God willing? Oh, yeah. My bad! Senior brain fart. I’ll be back to preview and predict the game with the Auric Rodents, the boat-rowers from Minnesooda. But I digress, already.
