The Nittany Turkey

Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

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O’Brien Named Big Ten Coach of the Year

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Bill O'BrienMuch to the chagrin of the Emmert/Triponey Axis I’m sure, Penn State head football coach Bill O’Brien has been voted by the B1G coaches and their friends in the media as its 2012 Coach of the Year. Says the press release:

O’Brien is the second Penn State head coach to [win] the Big Ten’s Coach of the Year. In his first year with Penn State, O’Brien led the Nittany Lions to an 8-4 overall mark, including a 6-2 record in conference play. O’Brien coached six players to first-team All-Big Ten status, including Allen Robinson, the Richter-Howard Receiver of the Year, and Michael Mauti, the Butkus-Fitzgerald Linebacker of the Year.

That first sentence didn’t make much sense without an infinitive, so I added one; I believe the gist of it is that Paterno won Coach of the Year previously.

I don’t think there’s anyone out there who believes anyone else (including St. Joe) could have done any better than O’Brien in the phoenixlike resurrection of the Nittany Lions, inspiring his brave  bunch of fuckers to exceed all expectations.

It would be great if the honors could be at the FBS level, but not being able to go undefeated or go to a bowl would render O’Brien’s chances very slim. Brian Kelly of Notre Dame already seems to be wired into that slot.

Bleacher Report has the story. Remember them as the target of my prior excoriation about finding replacements from O’Brien before he even has a foot out the door, like David Jones of the Patriot-News wants to do. Well, today, they’re singing a different tune, saying that O’Brien will stay — probably because ESPN reported it. I won’t let them get away with that.

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TODAY’S QUOTE

“They ain’t no ‘I’ in ‘team’, but they is three ‘U’s in ‘shut the fuck up!'”

— Terrell Owens

Laser Focus: Awards, Firings, and Faux Pas

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Football season is over for the Nittany Lions. Duh. Well, we had a helluva year, one that we’ll keep in our minds and our hearts forever. Exceeding all expectations, our courageous warriors played their asses off “for the glory” — Penn State pride in defiance of the ridiculously draconian obstacles forced into their path by the megalomaniacs of the NCAA and the Big Ten. This turkey hopes that the winning mentality can persevere through the next five tough years.

I’m not going to sit here and write one of those season retrospective pieces you see everywhere you turn. However, I do want to add some postscripts, recognizing some individual and team accomplishments. Writing about it extends the season for a turkey.

The B1G individual awards are named for distinguished former players. For an example that hits close to home, the Kwalick-Clark Award for tight end of the year is named after Ted Kwalick, who played tight end for Penn State long before the bright idea of joining the Big Ten ever entered anyone’s mind, and Dallas Clark of Iowa from more recent times. This year, two Penn State players received individual awards. The Richter-Howard Receiver of the Year award, named for Wisconsin’s Pat Richter and Michigan’s Desmond Howard, went to Allen Robinson, while the Butkus-Fitzgerald Linebacker of the Year award, named for Illinois’ Dick Butkus and Northwestern’s Pat Fitzgerald, went to Mike Mauti.

Both Big Ten coaches and media wonks on the Big Ten beat get to select All-Conference teams. The coaches accorded first team honors to Allen Robinson, Matt Stankiewitch, John Urschel (a tie with Spencer Long of Nebraska), Jordan Hill, and Mike Mauti; and second team honors to Gerald Hodges, while the media dorks selected Allen Robinson, Kyle Carter, Jordan Hill, and Mike Mauti for first team, and Matt Stankiewitch, John Urschel, and Gerald Hodges for second team. The coaches gave honorable mention to Adrian Amos, Deion Barnes, Kyle Carter, Mike Farrell, Matt McGloin, and Stephon Morris, while the dicks mentioned Adrian Amos, Deion Barnes, Mike Farrell, Matt McGloin, Stephon Morris, Sean Stanley, and Zach Zwinak. Finally, the Big Ten Sportsmanship Award Honorees included Jordan Hill.

A few of you expected Matt McGloin to make first team, but with Taylor Martinez and Braxton Miller in the conference, that wasn’t about to happen. The coaches favored Martinez, while the pseudo-experts liked Miller. However, another possible award might be in the offing for the feisty Scrantonian (Scrantonite sounds too much like a local variety of anthracite). The Burlsworth Trophy is presented to the nation’s top college football player who began his career as a walk-on. (Hey, wait a minute! We don’t call them walk-ons anymore. They’re run-ons in the approved athletospeak of the Bill O’Brien Era.) The Springdale Rotary Club presents the award and fans can vote via the AT&T Fan Vote at the Burlsworth website. I implore you to vote early and vote often, in order to properly recognize McGloin’s contribution this year. Penn State’s got numbers — let’s use them!

The trophy itself has a bronze likeness of what appears to be a chunky bronze lineman mounted on a polished burled wood base. Hmmm, perhaps it should have been the Burlwood trophy. In any case, it will look great on McGloin’s desk as he embarks on his career in his chosen field of telecommunications.

Sam Ficken
Sam Ficken – Big Ten Special Teams Player of the Week

And, speaking of unlikely honors, or honors we would have thought to be impossible two or three weeks ago, Sam Ficken was named Big Ten Special Teams Player of the Week because of his clutch performance in the Wisconsin game. He also gets our Nittany Turkey Special Teams Nose of the Year award and is a strong contender for the Jimmy Durante All-Time Schnozzola Award. Additionally, Jordan Hill was selected as Big Ten Defensive Player of the Week.

Finally, coach Bill O’Brien earned the Big Ten Pottymouth of the Week award for his emotional response about his players after the Wisconsin game, which might very well replace Joe Paterno’s 1995 midfield exchange with Doug Graber as our favorite pottymouth moment. No sphincter control at all there for the proud coach in front of ESPN mikes. What a bunch of fuckers, man! Good work, Coach!

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Following its overtime victory over Wisconsin, Penn State has been named the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl’s National Team of the Week, as selected by the Football Writers Association of America. This is the Nittany Lions’ third such honor, the previous two being bestowed upon the team after victories over Ohio State in 2005 and 2008.

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Football is one thing and babe-ball is quite another. Number One Penn State’s Women’s Volleyball team is right up there’ with the best of the best. Congratulations to them for another terrific season (29-2, 19-1 Big Ten), and for the postseason Big Ten awards they snagged. To wit, junior Ariel Scott was named Big Ten Player of the Year, Micha Hancock grabbed Big Ten Setter of the Year, Megan Courtney was Big Ten Freshman of the Year, and good old head coach Russ Rose was tabbed as Big Ten Coach of the Year for the eleventh time, and the fifth time in the past six years.

They ought to have an award for that thing they do after each point is played, where they huddle up and grab each others’ asses, but I’m not aware of one.

Ariel Scott, Micha Hancock, Katie Slay, and Deja McClendon were selected to the All-Big Ten Team. Scott and McClendon were unanimously selected by Big Ten coaches. Megan Courtney’s selection to the Big Ten All-Freshman team was also unanimous. Kristin Carpenter was Penn State’s Big Ten Sportsmanship honoree.

There are no post-season sanctions for the volleyball team, although Emmert and Triponey probably had a late-night session to figure out how to stack the cards against these perennial winners. OK, JUST KIDDING!! The Nittany Lionesses will indeed play in the post-season, starting this Friday night, November 30 at Rec Hall. They’ve earned the number one seed and will play Binghamton in the first round. If they advance, which they damn well better, they’ll get the winner of the Yale vs Bowling Green game, which also will be played at Rec Hall.

Good luck, Lionesses! You make us proud!

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 The annual spate of head coach firings proceeds apace. After ‘Bama decimated Iron Bowl rival Auburn 49-0, and in the wake of news that the NCAA will investigate Auburn assistant coaches for alleged recruiting violations, the War Eagle has carried off head coach Gene Chizik to that great aerie in the sky. Never able to leave a good story alone, the ONION has recognized Chizik’s Firing in its insouciant, humorous style, with a photo and a headline: “Gene Chizik Fired Just Two Years Before Auburn’s National Title Stripped Away.” I thought you Penn State folks would appreciate the sardonic humor.

Also headlined in the ONION: “Longstanding Rutgers-Iowa Rivalry to Be Reignited in Big Ten Conference.”

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Holy David Jones, Batman! Speaking of premature, wild-ass, irresponsible speculation, Bleacher Report this morning was already mulling over who would replace Bill O’Brien if he were to bolt to the NFL. Talk about a cheap-ass non-story! Yeah, I know — if they’re right about him leaving, they’ll be able to point back at their “prescient” article and say, “I told you so.” But who the hell even wants to think about that now? Can’t we just enjoy the fine season, of which Bill O’Brien was a great facilitator?

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Five more years! Ex-Nittany Lion Navorro Bowman has been rewarded by the San Francisco 49ers with a five-year extension to his contract. Way to go, Navorro!

Wrong Again, Happily

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I deserve all the scorn that has come and will come my way as the Nittany Lions (8-4, 6-2 Big Ten) defeated the Badgers (7-5, 4-4), who are heading to Indianapolis through the back door, to close a season replete with unexpected successes. The final score in the single overtime victory was 24-21.

On an emotional Senior Day, Mike Mauti, sidelined with a knee injury, was the team’s inspiration. Several players wore his number 42 on their helmets and even on their backs in tribute to the fallen hero, who is the living symbol of the fire and determination of the 2012 seniors. Mauti, dressed in civvy jeans and his number 42 jersey, led the team spiritually from the sideline, and participated in the coin tosses.

Whatever mojo Mauti supplied was visible on the field. As the hack sportswriters said, this was Penn State’s bowl game. No post-season for them. The Badgers, on the other hand, were inextricably plugged into the Leaders Division slot in the Big Ten Conference championship game in Indianapolis next week, although they would wind up in third place behind the Buckeyes and the Nittany Lions, both of whom are enjoined from post-season play. I wrote on Friday that the game really didn’t matter for either team, but apparently, Penn State didn’t get the message.

(Wisconsin will play Nebraska for the Big Ten title on Saturday. Legends Division champ Nebraska (10-2, 7-1) defeated Iowa (4-8, 2-6) 13-7 in a game of no import whatsoever. ??? ???? ?????? )

To this turkey, it seemed that Bret Bielema altered his typical game plan for whatever reason. In any case, the Penn State defense was fired up and ready for whatever the Badgers threw at them, aerially and terrestrially. Glenn Carson led the way with nine solo tackles and four assists, while Jordan Hill, who seemed to be everywhere at once, had eight and four. They held Montee Ball to 111 net yards, and kept the Badgers well under their 212-yard season rushing average with a mere 158. It was a fine defensive showing that also forced Wisconsin to go 5-16 on third-down conversions.

Meanwhile, Zach Zwinach was the offensive story for the Nittany Lions. He had what you might call a career day, with 36 carries for 179 yards and a touchdown. The hot-headed Matt McGloin, who at one point admonished his offensive lineman to give him some protection, wound up 19-37 for 200 yards and a touchdown. He was sacked three times.

We finally got to see the return of Bill Belton, who was pressed into service as a kick returner. He returned one for 17 yards.

Sam Ficken was a perfect 3-3, including what turned out to be the winning field goal. ???? ???? ?????? It must have been a great feeling for the guy who many fans wanted to run out of town at various points in the first half of the season, and who single-footedly inspired a change in the Penn State offense to favor fourth-down conversion attempts over field goal attempts.

The announced attendance of 93,505 sucked. The weather might have been a factor, but the low number was a disappointment. In fact, it was the least attended game since the last major Beaver Stadium expansion.

I’m glad I was way off with my prediction. The gamblers hit the over/under right down the middle. ??? ???? ?? ???????? The spread was correctly small.

This was the game the Nittany Lions needed to cap a season in which just about everyone’s expectations were exceeded, not the least of all being this turkey. Eight wins? Who knew. Much deserved praise will be heaped on them this morning. They’ll be long remembered as a group that overcame significant barriers to produce a pleasing outcome.

And Mark Emmert can eat shit.