You know who Tim Curley is, but do you know Professor Irwin Corey? The good professor is actually a stand-up comedian from days of yore whose act centered around bombastic, double-talking diatribe about anything and everything and who billed himself as “The World’s Foremost Authority.” Nothing he said ever made much sense, but his impassioned speeches seemed perfectly reasonable if you didn’t listen to the words very carefully. Professor Corey is in his 90s and still doing the occasional performance.
“If we don’t change direction soon, we’ll end up where we’re going.” —Professor Irwin Corey
But I digress. Penn State Athletic Director Tim Curley was quoted recently in a nebulous Associated Press story about Joe Paterno meeting with President Graham Spanier sometime in the future to discuss paths forward on the head coaching situation at PSU. No kidding? Who knew! Anyhow, AP’s reporter had to talk to someone about this non-momentous non-news; they knew better than to bother Paterno and Spanier wouldn’t say much, so they got Curley. He’s always available, although he rarely says anything of real import.
I’m not going to discuss the crap about the meeting that was covered in the AP article. It means nothing and you can read it for yourself, if you want, here. What I will blow off about here is that Curley must have flunked 6th grade English and then later must have enrolled in a remedial course at the Alan Greenspan School of Obfuscated Lucidity. Let me present a few Curley quotes from the article and propose some interpretations.
Referring to Paterno’s contract extension or lack of same:
“I just don’t want to say anything until I’ve had the opportunity to talk to him about the subject. We’ve talked about some other things, but haven’t had a chance to zero in on that.”
Meaning: “I’m waiting for a signal from Joe that will tell me what I should say. We talked about me keeping my job here if I don’t make Joe mad.”
And about the need for a succession plan:
“Good planning requires we do that in all sports, in the back of your mind, you have a backup plan in place. It wouldn’t be something that I’d want to state publicly what I’d be thinking, but hopefully a good manager has that in their hip pocket.”
Meaning: “I won’t have a clue as to what’s going to happen until Joe tells me what he is going to do.”
And, finally, in response to a question about the off-field criminal woes of recent seasons:
“I am very confident we have our arms around it and as we proceed that they don’t happen in the future. And if they do, they happen in a minimal situation.”
Meaning: “We don’t have the slightest idea what to do about it. Don’t be surprised if you see some more stories. In fact, I’ll be hiring [convicted murderer and ex-Nittany Lion] Lavon Chisley under the work-release program as my new defensive line coach when Larry Johnson leaves.”
Is it unreasonable for me to expect an athletic director at Penn State to be somewhat more articulate than that? To be more purposeful with his prose? After all, he works at a university; he’s not in competition with Miss Teenage South Carolina (“I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because some-a people out there in our nation don’t have maps…”).
The hero-worship of Paterno by the Curley family makes Tim but a cog in Joe’s wheel. Tim could care less, it’s a good job and the pay checks clear every two weeks, anyway he only has a few more years till he can cash in on that Penn State retirement. The coaching situation will resolve only by Joe’s own making or when high roller alumni bring about the pressure on the school. As we all now know. we have a low overhead coaching staff. Articulate department heads; how 20th century of you!
The Nittany Turkey says
Yeah, you’re right. I should expect the entire athletic end of the administration to be dumbed down to the level of the illiterate recruits everybody is so anxiously chasing. How else could they relate to the so-called student athletes? We’re in the 21st Century now and IQs are dropping. My bad!
As far as Curley’s future is concerned, he’s got to be praying that Paterno comes up with a plan for his own retirement, because to replace Joe and the staff—especially if the budget remains flat—would require some independent thinking from someone with a brain. Once Joe dictates the terms of his surrender, Curley can retire along with him. Let’s clean out the whole damn mess, all the way to the AD, in one fell swoop! Then bring in Renee Portland as AD.
I am a HUGE fan of the Pats and I got to get to the Super Bowl. Does anyone know where to get the cheapest tickets? I was on Stubhub – and they are way too expensive…I found tix on a charity auction site that is selling them for a pretty good price so far [link deleted]. I heard that if you buy from these guys you can deduct the tickets from your taxesâ€¦anybody know anywhere else to get tickets (and tax deductible preferably!!)
The Nittany Turkey says
If Paterno had only accepted that job offer from the Patriots thirty years ago, we would be rolling in Pats tickets right now. Of course, they wouldn’t be in the Super Bowl.
I know of no easy way to get Super Bowl tickets, and I’ve been around a long time. Are you sure that charity auction site isn’t running some kind of scam? Well, hell, I don’t care whether you’re sure or not, because I am going to get rid of the link you gratuitously provided. I’m not here to promote such “deals.” Ain’t no such thing as a tax deductible Super Bowl ticket, unless you have a company and you’re entertaining people—and in that case, there are limitations.
Good luck, Alex.