The Nittany Turkey

Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

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Elite Eight

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Let’s take a break from American Asshole (the sad saga of Penn State football’s criminal element as personified by Chris Bell in the preceding story) in order to tune in once again to American Idol.

This week, we’re down to eight contestants. It is Idol Gives Back week, so expect a lot of promos for Wednesday’s two-and-a-half hour extravaganza, which is basically a series of taped vignettes of former Idols, Idol judges, and other assorted luminaries reaching out to impoverished Africans. (N.B.: Mrs. Clinton and Messrs. McCain and Obama will not miss this important photo-op, as it is their best chance to strut their questionable shit in 15-second sound bites before an audience of 35-40 million.) But I digress. Eight good people left standing with no stated theme that this Turkey could glean could only mean one thing: one person will leave the stage in tears on Thursday night. I might watch the return of 30 Rock, instead. Just kidding!

Last week saw the elimination of my favorite little cutie, 4’11” Ramiele Malubay. She had chubby legs, but she also had a great big voice. Ramiele is an emotional kid, which took its toll on her when Ryan Seacrest announced that she was out; however, trouper that she is, she recovered long enough to belt out her song one final time for the people in the audience who derive sadistic gratification from Idol’s little torture routine of making the losers sing right after they are gunned down on stage.

So who’s left? First, the group that this Turkey considers the bottom half. We have the lovely, long-legged Kristy Lee Cook, whose fine ass has adorned the Bottom Three stools on so many occasions that she now comes prepared with a hand-lettered sign that reads “Kristy’s Seat”. If Kristy sticks to country music, she’ll be around for another week or two; if she doesn’t, this could be her week to go. Brooke White, too, is looking shaky. Her act has been heading downhill and her emotional personality has been getting the better of her of late. If Syesha Mercado happens to pull out another Whitney Houston song, she’s headed for the dumper, too. The audience rewards—or should reward—original, not copycat, performances. Jason Castro is pretty easy going—too easy going—and another weak song choice could send him to Idol oblivion.

The other four are pretty safe for a while. David Archuleta is the odds-on favorite to win the whole thing. He has a great voice and an engaging smile. He is the idol of the pre-teens, but many adult women not so secretly want to have a go with him, if only he would start shaving… But I digress. David Cook is edgy, performs updated material, got a better haircut, and is in it for the long haul. You always know that you’re going to get something out of the ordinary from him. Michael Johns has had his ups and downs, but is a genuinely nice guy, has an appealing Aussie accent, is good looking, and can sing. Those qualities should keep him around at least until we’re down to four remaining. Not to say that he’s the worst of the top four—these people are all pretty good. That brings us to Carly Smithson, who can sing but, according to Simon, can’t dress. She’ll be returning for a while if she doesn’t totally screw up. Maybe she should take Simon’s advice about clothing and at least cover that ridiculous tattoo on her right arm and shoulder. That shit belongs on Shaquille O’Neal, not on a pop singer. (If she was doing a genre like Industrial or Metal, maybe, but not pop. Instead of body art, she should have spent her money on a boob job or ass implants—something I wouldn’t be repelled by looking at.) Anyway, Carly will be with us for several more weeks, which is fine by me. When she’s good, she’s damn good. So let’s hope she doesn’t suck.

I’ll be open comment blogging with The Redhead tonight during the show. Anyone is welcome to join in by posting contemporaneous (or even ex post facto) comments to this blog.

Comments

  8. The Redhead says

    He’s doing a pretty good job–and hitting the high notes.

    A bit of a let-down ending though.

  13. The Redhead says

    Seems like you and Simon agree on this one, Turkey.

    Make that three.

  21. The Redhead says

    What’s with the contestants talking back and getting so defensive?

  25. The Redhead says

    I think this is cute but it’s too laid back for the whole AI thing. Maybe if he was playing for Rufus Wainwright’s audience it would work out for him.

  29. The Redhead says

    Wow–I’m stunned.

    There’s hope. You don’t have to do power ballads to make it on AI.

  33. The Redhead says

    She’s no dummy. She pulls out either the patriotic or religiously themed tunes to save her. The kids eat that stuff up.

    She’s not going home this week.

  41. The Redhead says

    Interestingly, Kristy is looking better than the other two young women.

  43. The Redhead says

    Hey, that’s a cool photo of you! I was wondering when the little image thing was going to click in.

  47. The Redhead says

    His voice sounds off tonight.

    This is too “We Are the Worldish” for me.

  64. The Redhead says

    Okay, I’ve signed up for Gravatar and uploaded a picture to it. Now how do I put it on this blog? Can I?

  70. The Redhead says

    This is the same problem I had with the “inspirational” show last season. Songs that are purposely written for this purpose sound pretentious and trite. These kids need to choose songs with a bit more subtlety.

  76. The Redhead says

    Carole King, hmmm? For one of these kids tonight, it will be…

    “too late, baby…”

  77. The Redhead says

    I’ve read that AI isn’t doing as well in the ratings even though it’s still kicking ass.

    And I’ve read that Starbucks is freaking out and trying to re-vamp.

    What’s the deal? I thought both of these icons were popular and doing great?

  79. The Redhead says

    If I get to this blog at all tomorrow night, I’ll be pretty late. I have to work until 9pm.

    Seems like I’ll miss all the love.

  80. The Nittany Turkey says

    Everything gets stale in time.

    Starbucks has its original CEO back doing the revamping. At one point, Starbucks was innovative; now it’s mundane. Perhaps they’ll reinvent themselves.

  81. The Redhead says

    This is a better choice…even though I’ve come to hate the song since it’s now such a cliche.

  83. The Redhead says

    I think Starbucks has great coffee–isn’t that the main thing?

  85. The Redhead says

    Right. I will def. be there Thursday night.

    Brooke is not hitting it out of the park.

    You know, I think it will be Brooke going home this week. She’s not singing well, AT ALL.

  87. The Nittany Turkey says

    They charge a lot for a product you can get elsewhere. The yuppies are a fickle lot. Their loyalty is fleeting. Plus Starbucks overbuilt. There are two within a half-mile radius of my house.

  93. The Redhead says

    Well, I’m a regular Starbucks drinker. I’ve yet to find a better coffee in the area.

    I’m really surprised that Simon didn’t call Brooke out on her singing.

  96. The Redhead says

    Wow–I just heard that lyric in Carly’s song:

    I know my heart is breakin’
    My make-up may be flakin’

    Geez.

  97. The Redhead says

    Yeah, Heart would be a good choice for her. I think she’s good–she’s just not chosen her songs well. Plus she gets really uptight.

  100. The Redhead says

    Okay, Turkey. I’ll try to make it to at least the last half hour of the proceedings tomorrow evening. If not, see you Thursday as we send Brooke on her way.

    Ta ta!

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