Let’s take a break from American Asshole (the sad saga of Penn State football’s criminal element as personified by Chris Bell in the preceding story) in order to tune in once again to American Idol.
This week, we’re down to eight contestants. It is Idol Gives Back week, so expect a lot of promos for Wednesday’s two-and-a-half hour extravaganza, which is basically a series of taped vignettes of former Idols, Idol judges, and other assorted luminaries reaching out to impoverished Africans. (N.B.: Mrs. Clinton and Messrs. McCain and Obama will not miss this important photo-op, as it is their best chance to strut their questionable shit in 15-second sound bites before an audience of 35-40 million.) But I digress. Eight good people left standing with no stated theme that this Turkey could glean could only mean one thing: one person will leave the stage in tears on Thursday night. I might watch the return of 30 Rock, instead. Just kidding!
Last week saw the elimination of my favorite little cutie, 4’11” Ramiele Malubay. She had chubby legs, but she also had a great big voice. Ramiele is an emotional kid, which took its toll on her when Ryan Seacrest announced that she was out; however, trouper that she is, she recovered long enough to belt out her song one final time for the people in the audience who derive sadistic gratification from Idol’s little torture routine of making the losers sing right after they are gunned down on stage.
So who’s left? First, the group that this Turkey considers the bottom half. We have the lovely, long-legged Kristy Lee Cook, whose fine ass has adorned the Bottom Three stools on so many occasions that she now comes prepared with a hand-lettered sign that reads “Kristy’s Seat”. If Kristy sticks to country music, she’ll be around for another week or two; if she doesn’t, this could be her week to go. Brooke White, too, is looking shaky. Her act has been heading downhill and her emotional personality has been getting the better of her of late. If Syesha Mercado happens to pull out another Whitney Houston song, she’s headed for the dumper, too. The audience rewards—or should reward—original, not copycat, performances. Jason Castro is pretty easy going—too easy going—and another weak song choice could send him to Idol oblivion.
The other four are pretty safe for a while. David Archuleta is the odds-on favorite to win the whole thing. He has a great voice and an engaging smile. He is the idol of the pre-teens, but many adult women not so secretly want to have a go with him, if only he would start shaving… But I digress. David Cook is edgy, performs updated material, got a better haircut, and is in it for the long haul. You always know that you’re going to get something out of the ordinary from him. Michael Johns has had his ups and downs, but is a genuinely nice guy, has an appealing Aussie accent, is good looking, and can sing. Those qualities should keep him around at least until we’re down to four remaining. Not to say that he’s the worst of the top four—these people are all pretty good. That brings us to Carly Smithson, who can sing but, according to Simon, can’t dress. She’ll be returning for a while if she doesn’t totally screw up. Maybe she should take Simon’s advice about clothing and at least cover that ridiculous tattoo on her right arm and shoulder. That shit belongs on Shaquille O’Neal, not on a pop singer. (If she was doing a genre like Industrial or Metal, maybe, but not pop. Instead of body art, she should have spent her money on a boob job or ass implants—something I wouldn’t be repelled by looking at.) Anyway, Carly will be with us for several more weeks, which is fine by me. When she’s good, she’s damn good. So let’s hope she doesn’t suck.
I’ll be open comment blogging with The Redhead tonight during the show. Anyone is welcome to join in by posting contemporaneous (or even ex post facto) comments to this blog.
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The Nittany Turkey says
Dis da place.
The Redhead says
Good evening, Turkey!
The Nittany Turkey says
Your favorite Stephen Tyler
The Redhead says
Micheal really goes for the big rock power songs.
The Redhead says
Not an Aerosmith fan.
The Nittany Turkey says
He’s doing a good job with it, as is the band.
The Nittany Turkey says
Except he’s mimicking Stephen Tyler.
The Redhead says
He’s doing a pretty good job–and hitting the high notes.
A bit of a let-down ending though.
The Redhead says
I like Michael.
The Redhead says
Wow–look at that cleavage Paula’s got goin’ on.
The Nittany Turkey says
Hard to wind it up and down in 1.5 minutes.
Paula is on her game tonight. Uh huh.
The Nittany Turkey says
Ben agree with Simon…he did ape Stephen Tyler’s rendition.
The Redhead says
Seems like you and Simon agree on this one, Turkey.
Make that three.
The Nittany Turkey says
What will Syesha do for an inspirational number from Whitney’s repertoire?
The Nittany Turkey says
How hah did ya so-o-o-ar
The Nittany Turkey says
This is the kind of pedestrian crap they make Idol winners sing.
The Redhead says
Not as “Whitneyed up” as usual.
The Nittany Turkey says
It would help if she hit the notes.
The Redhead says
Randy’s edgy tonight!
The Nittany Turkey says
Randy is in endgame mode.
The Redhead says
What’s with the contestants talking back and getting so defensive?
The Redhead says
I agree with Simon.
The Redhead says
He’s going home tonight.
The Nittany Turkey says
Oh Jesus Christ. Over the Rainbow with a ukelele. WTF????
The Redhead says
I think this is cute but it’s too laid back for the whole AI thing. Maybe if he was playing for Rufus Wainwright’s audience it would work out for him.
The Redhead says
Simon is going to hate it.
The Nittany Turkey says
You’re right. He’s going home. Nice song for a cruise ship.
The Nittany Turkey says
Do we need another Don Ho?
The Redhead says
Wow–I’m stunned.
There’s hope. You don’t have to do power ballads to make it on AI.
The Nittany Turkey says
Simon and Randy just saved Jason’s ass for another week.
The Nittany Turkey says
I only hope they do the same for Kristy.
The Redhead says
She looks great.
The Redhead says
She’s no dummy. She pulls out either the patriotic or religiously themed tunes to save her. The kids eat that stuff up.
She’s not going home this week.
The Redhead says
She did a good job.
The Nittany Turkey says
It supposed to be inspirational.
The Nittany Turkey says
She can do Martina McBride stuff.
The Redhead says
Randy’s got a bur in his butt tonight.
The Nittany Turkey says
SHUT UP, PAULA!
The Redhead says
Oh. Is this “inspirational night?”
The Redhead says
Simon agrees with me.
The Redhead says
Interestingly, Kristy is looking better than the other two young women.
The Nittany Turkey says
Yeah, in keeping with the Idol Gives Back thing, they’re supposed to do inspirational songs.
The Redhead says
Hey, that’s a cool photo of you! I was wondering when the little image thing was going to click in.
The Redhead says
Ah, I get it.
The Nittany Turkey says
If you have a “gravatar” it will show up there. Check out http://www.gravatar.com, upload a picture and you’ll have one that will show up on blogs that use those avatars.
The Nittany Turkey says
Wonder whether Paulas breasts are going to be sore when she gets home.
The Redhead says
His voice sounds off tonight.
This is too “We Are the Worldish” for me.
The Nittany Turkey says
This isn’t exactly his kind of song, but I do believe that it shows his versatility.
The Nittany Turkey says
Cool touch with the hand job.
The Nittany Turkey says
Paula is packed like a sausage.
The Redhead says
Right on, Simon.
Paula needs a chill pill.
The Nittany Turkey says
Simon & Randy are probably right.
The Nittany Turkey says
Name dropper!
The Nittany Turkey says
Nothing like violins for an Irish singer. But her outfit shows off her upper attributes, although it shows her damn distracting tattooos.
The Nittany Turkey says
Her lower attributes are a bit lumpy.
The Redhead says
Another totally throw-away song.
The Nittany Turkey says
This is entertaining, though. Best so far until she hit the damn bad notes at the end.
The Nittany Turkey says
Paula’s all strapped in tonight.
The Redhead says
Yeah, Carly may be going home this week. Simon’s right.
The Nittany Turkey says
What do these people know? Just opinions, like yours and mine.
The Nittany Turkey says
Carly ain’t going nowhere.
The Nittany Turkey says
And now, the favorite of the premenstrual contingent.
The Nittany Turkey says
I need a drink.
The Redhead says
Okay, I’ve signed up for Gravatar and uploaded a picture to it. Now how do I put it on this blog? Can I?
The Nittany Turkey says
As long as you used your same email address, it will show up automatically after a few minutes.
The Nittany Turkey says
Lemme check your email address on here.
The Nittany Turkey says
It is the one with your full name at the heat place (first_last@hotmail.com).
The Nittany Turkey says
He’s really “PITCHY” on this one.
The Nittany Turkey says
There you go. Your picture showed up. It’s this little tiny person running.
The Redhead says
This is the same problem I had with the “inspirational” show last season. Songs that are purposely written for this purpose sound pretentious and trite. These kids need to choose songs with a bit more subtlety.
The Nittany Turkey says
This was not a great night for David, IMHO.
The Redhead says
Hey–it worked!!! Very cool.
The Redhead says
I didn’t like it. I can’t believe Simon digs it.
The Nittany Turkey says
I think someone’s paying these judges to push this kid on us. Like they’re trying to revitalize the show.
The Nittany Turkey says
Brook can do Carole King.
The Redhead says
Carole King, hmmm? For one of these kids tonight, it will be…
“too late, baby…”
The Redhead says
I’ve read that AI isn’t doing as well in the ratings even though it’s still kicking ass.
And I’ve read that Starbucks is freaking out and trying to re-vamp.
What’s the deal? I thought both of these icons were popular and doing great?
The Nittany Turkey says
Carrie singing out her nose again.
The Redhead says
If I get to this blog at all tomorrow night, I’ll be pretty late. I have to work until 9pm.
Seems like I’ll miss all the love.
The Nittany Turkey says
Everything gets stale in time.
Starbucks has its original CEO back doing the revamping. At one point, Starbucks was innovative; now it’s mundane. Perhaps they’ll reinvent themselves.
The Redhead says
This is a better choice…even though I’ve come to hate the song since it’s now such a cliche.
The Nittany Turkey says
Tomorrow night is the Idol Gives Back telethon. The results show is Thursday night at 8.
The Redhead says
I think Starbucks has great coffee–isn’t that the main thing?
The Nittany Turkey says
But she’s not singing on pitch. Goodbye, Brooke!
The Redhead says
Right. I will def. be there Thursday night.
Brooke is not hitting it out of the park.
You know, I think it will be Brooke going home this week. She’s not singing well, AT ALL.
The Redhead says
It sounds like she’s losing her voice.
The Nittany Turkey says
They charge a lot for a product you can get elsewhere. The yuppies are a fickle lot. Their loyalty is fleeting. Plus Starbucks overbuilt. There are two within a half-mile radius of my house.
The Redhead says
Now she’ll get real defensive.
The Nittany Turkey says
Randy must be banging her if he thinks that was OK.
The Nittany Turkey says
Paula’s DEFINITELY banging her.
The Nittany Turkey says
Simon is being kind.
The Nittany Turkey says
I think she goes home.
The Redhead says
Well, I’m a regular Starbucks drinker. I’ve yet to find a better coffee in the area.
I’m really surprised that Simon didn’t call Brooke out on her singing.
The Redhead says
She knows she’s going home.
The Nittany Turkey says
I wanna hear Carly do some Heart.
The Redhead says
Wow–I just heard that lyric in Carly’s song:
I know my heart is breakin’
My make-up may be flakin’
Geez.
The Redhead says
Yeah, Heart would be a good choice for her. I think she’s good–she’s just not chosen her songs well. Plus she gets really uptight.
The Nittany Turkey says
I guess I think possibly maybe that Syesha, Carly, and Michael were the best three tonight, perhaps.
The Nittany Turkey says
Kristy is safe for another week. You and I agree that Brooke is biting the dust.
The Redhead says
Okay, Turkey. I’ll try to make it to at least the last half hour of the proceedings tomorrow evening. If not, see you Thursday as we send Brooke on her way.
Ta ta!
The Nittany Turkey says
Yeah, tomorrow night will be interminable and boring. I’m likely to bail out of that one. But I’ll see you for sure on Thursday.
Nighty-night!