So, we had our first night of the American Idol finals. Most of the performances were pretty mundane but there were a couple of standouts who might go pretty far in this year’s competion.
First, let me ask what in the hell was that feathery thing on Paula Abdul’s shoulder? It looked like a damn bird tried to commit suicide by flying full force into her, winding up as a pile of lifeless feathers.
OK, that was a smokescreen because I don’t have a lot to say here. Last night while I was supposed to be watching this lame-ass show, at times I was watching a more important NHL game while texting my niece-in-law about it, as she and her old man (my nephew) are avid supporters of the “other” team. So, I missed some performances, particularly as the hockey game went into overtime and, ultimately, a shoot-out. But I digress.
Simon announced that two contestants would perish on Wednesday night, and from the post-mortems I’ve read about the show, apparently, the judges will be involved in the eliminations somehow. Sounds like a Kim Jong Il sort of voting situation. Either vote for who we want or the judges will fix the election!
Anyhow, the performances I liked were Lil Rounds, Allison Iraheta, and Adam Lambert, not necessarily in that order. I honestly thought everyone else had opening night jitters and via either shitty song selection or just stage fright—being overwhelmed in a new situation—they did not perform up to their potential.
Honorable mention goes to Megan Joy, who I find to be a veritable slurpette. Alas, she only gets a mention here because she’s hot. She butchered her crappy choice of a song, “Rockin’ Robin.” The other blonde I like, Alexis Grace, sang at a crucial time during the hockey game, so I have NFI how she did. (Some sloppy-ass reporting here, ain’t it?) My co-judge, The Redhead, thought she was “terrible.” However, she also thinks Alexis is a teen. She hasn’t been a teen for two years, and she’s a mama to boot. I still want her ass.
I believe that Adam Lambert is the one to beat this year. He’s a seasoned performer who knows how to take command of the stage and his audience. He has an excellent voice, too, and he gave Paula an orgasm just by watching his performance. Most importantly, however, he’s got the type of looks that attract the vacuous teeny and tweeny demographic. Paula ain’t the only one who’ll be having orgasms dreaming of Adam. I think he’s got a large voting block already cemented, so to speak.
The other standout was Allisan Iraheta, who has been doing stuff like Kim Carnes and Heart thus far through the auditions and the preliminaries. She’s very young, 16 to be exact, but she has a smoky, powerful voice that can pull off the rock alto kind of stuff. She sure as hell doesn’t have any trouble getting up there and belting out a rock ballad.
Who is going to go? Well, poor Jorge sucked big time doing “Never Can Say Goodbye.” He should have tried a falsetto to sound more like the young Michael Jackson. What an ironic choice of a song for Jorge, because he will have to say goodbye tonight. No-no-no. No-no-no. No-no-no! And man, Anoop was completely out of his league attempting “Beat It”, which came off looking like bad karaoke. Another ironic choice of songs here. Anoop will beat it tonight!