So, we had our first night of the American Idol finals. Most of the performances were pretty mundane but there were a couple of standouts who might go pretty far in this year’s competion.
First, let me ask what in the hell was that feathery thing on Paula Abdul’s shoulder? It looked like a damn bird tried to commit suicide by flying full force into her, winding up as a pile of lifeless feathers.
OK, that was a smokescreen because I don’t have a lot to say here. Last night while I was supposed to be watching this lame-ass show, at times I was watching a more important NHL game while texting my niece-in-law about it, as she and her old man (my nephew) are avid supporters of the “other” team. So, I missed some performances, particularly as the hockey game went into overtime and, ultimately, a shoot-out. But I digress.
Simon announced that two contestants would perish on Wednesday night, and from the post-mortems I’ve read about the show, apparently, the judges will be involved in the eliminations somehow. Sounds like a Kim Jong Il sort of voting situation. Either vote for who we want or the judges will fix the election!
Anyhow, the performances I liked were Lil Rounds, Allison Iraheta, and Adam Lambert, not necessarily in that order. I honestly thought everyone else had opening night jitters and via either shitty song selection or just stage fright—being overwhelmed in a new situation—they did not perform up to their potential.
Honorable mention goes to Megan Joy, who I find to be a veritable slurpette. Alas, she only gets a mention here because she’s hot. She butchered her crappy choice of a song, “Rockin’ Robin.” The other blonde I like, Alexis Grace, sang at a crucial time during the hockey game, so I have NFI how she did. (Some sloppy-ass reporting here, ain’t it?) My co-judge, The Redhead, thought she was “terrible.” However, she also thinks Alexis is a teen. She hasn’t been a teen for two years, and she’s a mama to boot. I still want her ass.
I believe that Adam Lambert is the one to beat this year. He’s a seasoned performer who knows how to take command of the stage and his audience. He has an excellent voice, too, and he gave Paula an orgasm just by watching his performance. Most importantly, however, he’s got the type of looks that attract the vacuous teeny and tweeny demographic. Paula ain’t the only one who’ll be having orgasms dreaming of Adam. I think he’s got a large voting block already cemented, so to speak.
The other standout was Allisan Iraheta, who has been doing stuff like Kim Carnes and Heart thus far through the auditions and the preliminaries. She’s very young, 16 to be exact, but she has a smoky, powerful voice that can pull off the rock alto kind of stuff. She sure as hell doesn’t have any trouble getting up there and belting out a rock ballad.
Who is going to go? Well, poor Jorge sucked big time doing “Never Can Say Goodbye.” He should have tried a falsetto to sound more like the young Michael Jackson. What an ironic choice of a song for Jorge, because he will have to say goodbye tonight. No-no-no. No-no-no. No-no-no! And man, Anoop was completely out of his league attempting “Beat It”, which came off looking like bad karaoke. Another ironic choice of songs here. Anoop will beat it tonight!
The Redhead says
I must say, Sir Mouse, you did not have kind words for Allisan last night. In fact, you were quite strong about your dislike for her. What changed?
I agree with you about the losers who will exit stage left tonight. I do disagree about Adam. I think he’s performance was cynical. I didn’t like him at all. Much too cheesy.
I will see you later this evening! Now, stay under the couch until then.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Well, see it really doesn’t matter whether you like Adam or not. You’re not 14. He’ll get lots and lots of votes. Besides, cheesy and commercial sells.
My objections to Allison last night were pro-forma objections because I didn’t like her looks, especially her weird red hair. However, in looking back over the performances, a few stood out. Hers was one of them. Recalling some of the stuff she did in preliminary rounds, I believe she has the wherewithal to deliver the goods.
I know you’re impressed by your comments, but since you posted them twice, I’ll be obliged to delete one of them! Let me go gnaw on the Turkey’s computer…it’s got a mouse of its own…
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I won’t bother commenting on the lame Michael Jackson group grope.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Two gonna go home, but the judges can bring one back if they feel it is warranted.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
The Ford group grope is equally lame.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Michael Sarver (the roughneck) is safe.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Allison…is safe, too.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Jasmine…she has to come to center stage.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Matt is safe.
The Redhead says
The Redhead has arrived!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Kris…standing up
Megan—standing up
America voted…Kris, have a seat
Megan…down to center stage with Jasmine.
The Redhead says
I see the producers are making the elimination process as cruel as possible.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
One is safe and the other going home.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Megan is saved ….yeah!!!!!!!!!!
The Redhead says
Poor kid.
The Redhead says
Yeah, I know you’re happy Megan will be around a little while longer.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Welcome, ‘head.
The Redhead says
What, no Hello no Hi, how are you, no welcome aboard?
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I look forward to seeing the painted lady some more.
The Redhead says
Ah, there it is. I missed it 🙂
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Tardiness is not to be tolerated.
The Redhead says
She wasn’t among the worst IMHO.
The Redhead says
Heh heh. My boss wouldn’t have approved if I had closed too early.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Sorry baby. Headed home. Not gonna work.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
The Redhead says
Show biz sucks, kid.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
sob
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
[eyeroll]
The Redhead says
What did you say, Mouse? it didn’t register.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Try again next year.
The Redhead says
Suck it up, Mouse.
It’s Hollywood.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I said “”
The Redhead says
The Redhead shall return. Must take care of business. Be back in a minute.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Had to change my t-shirt. Got lasagna sauce all over the other one.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Ew — Kanye West
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
His jeans fit real well
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Where’d that babe get her costume? From the Battlestar Galactica wardrobe room?
The Redhead says
Dude, pull up your pants!!!
The Redhead says
(I’m back.)
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
What’s that asshole have in his parachute pouch?
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
They had to pay those kids to act like that. Kanye sucks.
The Redhead says
We had Open Mic night at the bookstore. Three solid hours of a Bob Dylan wanna-be and a guy played electric guitar (no singing). He was okay but I didn’t need to hear the Hendrix version of the Star Spangled Banner. I mean, we weren’t at Woodstock, for crying out loud.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Let’s get on with it, already. Is Kelly Clarkson going to appear later?
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I should show up at open mike night and do a stand-up routine.
The Redhead says
She’s supposed to. She’s got a new album to promote.
The Redhead says
PLEASE DO! What would be your schitck?
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Kind of an Andrew Dice Clay routine.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
One more gonna go. Let’s get into it.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Scott safe.
The Redhead says
Well, it’s open for comics, also. Have you already got a routine worked up?
Scott is safe, of course. They’re not going to kick off the blind guy yet.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Alexis….yeah!
The Redhead says
I know you are happy about Alexis.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
How many pairs of glasses does Danny have?
The Redhead says
Surfer dude is safe.
The Redhead says
Uh oh. Not such a safe bet here.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Anoop is regrettably safe.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Or not.
The Redhead says
Oh, here’s your guy, Adam. What a poser.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
LOL
The Redhead says
I predict Lil is safely tucked in for another week.
The Redhead says
So, who is getting the big boot?
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Jorge gotta go. Actually, both of these guys should, IMHO.
The Redhead says
Of course, after the break! After all, this is America.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
What the fuck is wrong with America now?
The Redhead says
So, Mouse, have you got this comedy routine worked out yet?
The Redhead says
HAHAHAHAHA! You took the bait!!
HEHEHEHEH.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Reese’s peanut butter egg? Easter must be here.
The Redhead says
I’d hate to see the duck that laid that egg.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Bite me.
The Redhead says
I’d rather bite into a Reese’s peanut butter egg 🙂
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Either of those two guys could go and we wouldn’t miss them.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I think they should change the rules and have the judges eliminate one extra.
The Redhead says
Bring on Kelly! I like her.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Kelly is getting fat
The Redhead says
Has she always been this chubby?
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Look at that ass.
The Redhead says
Too many Reese’s peanut butter eggs!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Nahhh…when she was a waitress, she was about 30 lbs lighter.
The Redhead says
Kelly, we gotta get you to the gym, girl!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Are we sure she’s not pregnant?
The Redhead says
Maybe Bristol Palin can give her some advice.
The Redhead says
(:
The Redhead says
I don’t like this song. It’s pretty ordinary.
The Redhead says
She’s not really making much of an effort with it.
The Redhead says
She’s pretty relaxed.
The Redhead says
Mouse…are you there…Mouse?
???
???
??????
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
All her stuff is commercial and it all sounds the same.
The Redhead says
Boy, those are some brilliant lyrics: “My life would suck without you.”
Call Rogers and Hammerstein.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I fell asleep during Kelly’s act.
The Redhead says
No, I don’t agree. I think some of her stuff is pretty good. That song she did for the movie, Love Actually? That brought her to my attention. I did not know she had done AI.
The Redhead says
You did?
Are we gettin’ too old for this, Mouse/Turkey/Mouse?
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
She was the first season Idol winner.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I fell asleep symbolically because she was lame.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Jorge…hasta la vista.
The Redhead says
Well, they went the way I thought they would 🙁
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I do not think Jorge will get a judges’ save.
The Redhead says
Yes, I know she was the first AI winner.
The Redhead says
I think the right one is going home.
The Redhead says
Ooohh, Paula’s dancin.’
The Redhead says
No, you go…
The Redhead says
Tough break, kid.
That’s Hollywood.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
In the words of Howard Cosell: Tell it like it is, Simon.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Next week, Anoop gets the Axe.
The Redhead says
Did Howie actually say that?
The Redhead says
I don’t think so. I think the little girlies like him and that will keep him around for a while.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Until next week, dear Redhead…I’m squeaking off under the sofa.
The Redhead says
Well, that’s it for our first week, Sir Mouse!
See you next week! Try not to cut too much cheese 🙂
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
And that goes for your cat, too!
The Redhead says
Do I have a cat?
I’ll have to go look.
See you nextweek!
The Redhead says
Do I have a cat?
I’ll have to go look.
See you nextweek!
OH! You’re my new favorite blogger fyi