The Nittany Turkey

Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

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Archives for 2013

Catch-up Monday

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It’s Heinz Day here at the Turkey and that means we’re making ketchup. I’ve been way behind due to “new and existing avocational commitments”, to paraphrase John Surma.

I started writing a single post about Penn State, the NCAA, Sue Paterno, John Surma, and all of the happenings of the past few days, but the post was becoming humongously long. Rationalizing that the Turkey is better taken in smaller doses, I decided to split it up into logical fragments, which are not exactly for those of short attention spans.

In the meanwhile, I see that no one read my spare ribs & sauerkraut recipe and that deeply offends me.

Okay, already! Just kidding. You didn’t come here for cookery.

On with the fun.

The Turkey’s Spare Rib & Sauerkraut Recipe

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Before I finalize my review of the recent Freeh Report rebuttal and associated issues, which will be put to bed on Monday, February 11, I would like to pass on a recipe that is cheap, easy, traditional, and has won rave reviews by the critical gourmets in my personal inner circle. I am inspired to present this recipe in response to a request by my one and only YL, Artificially Sweetened.

Spare Ribs & Sauerkraut
Serving Suggestion

Although there are hundreds of spare rib and sauerkraut recipes, this one is so easy and tasty that you’ll want to make it often. All you need are a few food ingredients (aside from the obvious ones) and a crock pot, or slow-cooker, if you prefer.

DISCLAIMER

First, a legal disclaimer. Being Jewish, what the hell do I know about pork? If you’re a landsman and you make this decidedly un-Kosher recipe, recipe maker (hereinafter referred to as sinful cooker) will hold this turkey harmless from all damages arising out of lightning bolts, both directed and incidental, force majeure, and/or excommunication from Judaism (hereinafter referred to as the Tribe). Turkey will be further held harmless from damages resulting from incidental trichinosis, E. coli, Bubonic plague, leprosy, or any other infections associated with ingestion of that treyf  “other white meat” they try to scare us about when we’re kids.

THE DETAILS

Now, directly to the recipe. Get yourself a rack of St. Louis spare ribs (don’t use baby back ribs). I don’t know what they call St. Louis spare ribs in St. Louis. (You know, like in the east, what we call a “western omelet” is called a “Denver omelet” in the west, but I digress.) Other ingredients you’ll need are a Granny Smith apple (other breeds get too mushy when they’re cooked for any length of time), a yellow onion, a pound of sauerkraut, and a teaspoon of caraway seeds.

First, wash the spare ribs and pat dry. Cut them into pieces that will fit into your crock pot broadside, as they’ll be layered with the other ingredients. Now season the spare ribs with salt and pepper and brown them on all sides in a heavy pan. While you’re doing this, wash and drain the sauerkraut. That’ll make it less acidic. Cut the onion in half and slice it. Using an apple slicer/corer (or just a paring knife, if you don’t have one of these handy devices, core and cut the apple into 6 or 8 wedges. (This is not a critical measurement.)

Once all the ribs are browned, you’re ready for final assembly. First lay a bed of the drained sauerkraut on the bottom of the crock pot. Add a couple of the apple wedges and some of the sliced onion, enough to create a nice cushion for the next layer, which will be enough ribs to cover the kraut, apple, and onion layer. Then cover this layer of ribs with the next layer of kraut, apple, and onion, and continue layering like this until you’ve exhausted all ingredients and filled the crock pot. Then add a teaspoon of caraway seeds and a cup of water. Turn the crock pot on “LOW” and let it cook for eight hours, plus or minus. This will feed four Jewish sinners or even regular people.

As an alternative to the cup of water, you can try dry white wine or even ale. Experimentation is desirable.

None of the measurements are critical, so feel free to increase or decrease quantities to feed your army. Also, if you don’t have a slow cooker, I believe it will work fine in a Dutch oven over very low heat.

Serve with mashed potatoes, as in the picture. For an extra special dose of mashed potatoes, add finely chopped caramelized onions, sautéed finely chopped garlic, and cream to your mashed potatoes. But don’t add balsamic vinegar like I did once, or you’ll be serving unappetizingly brown mashed potatoes.

I’m hoping that I’m not violating any laws (other than kashrut) by propagating this recipe. I wouldn’t put it past this current Federal administration to require anyone passing on a recipe to include four pages of nutritional information, serving sizes, etc., like they want to require us to do background checks on our relatives when we give them guns. Schmucks! (End of political rant.)

If you’re Jewish, a Faraday shield might be helpful, but otherwise, enjoy!

Davy Jones Changes Tune

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While I ordinarily don’t write about other writers, I’m writing this because I find a recent not-so-subtle shift in position by the Patriot-News’ David Jones to potentially be a harbinger of a broad turn of media sentiments against the NCAA. The resulting pressure could benefit Penn State inasmuch as reducing the draconian penalties imposed last summer might be a face-saving move by Mark Emmert as media criticism mounts against the hypocritical NCAA and its Chief Hypocrite.

Jones hit two major points in an opinion piece published in his blog last Friday. First, morality and “the rules” don’t apply to the machinations of the NCAA and its leader. Second, the whole premise of the NCAA, to promote amateur collegiate athletics and protect participants from rampant commercialism is mere tongue-in-cheek hypocrisy. Hell, the major source of NCAA revenue is the annual basketball tournament. If that isn’t using amateur athletes for profit, what the hell is?

What I’m thinking is that the change in tune for Jones is significant because he was one of those who initially agreed that Penn State President Rod Erickson did the right thing by accepting his punishment and going to bed without dessert, but now he sort of kind of said that was probably necessary at the time maybe because the public sentiment demanded it. However, now that the public sentiment (however that is measured) has seemingly turned against the NCAA, Jones is hopping on that bandwagon. I think it is a good thing. One by one, the detractors are coming back into the fold. Jones’ target shifting from Penn State to the NCAA is a major win for the good guys. ESPN is showing signs of cracking, too.

So, with things heading in the right direction, Pennsylvania Governor Tom Corbett’s antitrust suit against the NCAA is a stroke of legal and political genius. Way to go, Corbett! Great timing, dude! I believe that the “public sentiment” turning sour on the NCAA will create a favorable climate for moving forward. What fun this will be.

Want to read Jones’ article? Check out “Mark Emmert comes off as biggest fraud as NCAA investigates itself.”