The Nittany Turkey

Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

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Home 2018 Archives for September 2018

Archives for September 2018

What the World Needs Now Is Lovey

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#10 Penn State (3-0, 0-0) at Illinois (2-1, 0-0)

Chief Illiniwek
Heap Big Chief Illiniwek, banished by the NCAA, but not forgotten.

The Game of the Century, Number 328, will be played at Memorial Stadium in Champaign (kept very cold). Just kidding about the game of the century. For most people, unless they forgot completely about watching it because of the weird day and time, it will be a yawner as they look across the horizon to next Saturday’s showdown with tOSU. Let us hope the Nittany Lions team at least shows up.

Nine PM on a Friday night, eh? What’s up wid dat? Are Jim Delany and the Big Ten now going into competition with high school football. I can picture Delany saying, “We want-um some Friday night lights for Heap Big Ten.” Or not. But last I recall, like last year, Franklin was saying WE WON’T PLAY ON FRIDAY NIGHT! So, Delany stuffed a pacifier in Franklin’s mouth and said, “Yes you will, because Daddy says so. Besides, it’s good for you.” [Read more…]

Sloppy Domination

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Penn State (3-0) 63, Kent State (1-2) 10

Sleepy, hung-over, almost full Penndot-St. Joe Memorial stadium was the scene of the nooner showdown between these two powerhouses. Such an air of anticipation, already! No one had any idea how this tense contest would play out. Never mind. I had a brief, delusional moment, probably due to memory loss associated with the two year-old’s birthday party last night, including fighting our way through 300,000 baby stroller laden British tourists who don’t know which side of the street to walk on at Disney Springs. The highlight of that event, though was watching the conclusion of a hotly contested LSU-Auburn game, won by LSU with a last-second field goal. Good stuff, and got to watch it with the two year-old’s grandpa, who is a fanatical LSU alum. A good time was had by all! The two year-old didn’t give a crap, sleeping through most of it, but the adults were suitably entertained.

Very Cold Mimosas at Mike’s Garage

Mike (Jackstand) wanted us to bring some ingredients for mimosas, and he wanted them kept very cold. Dry ice to the rescue!

Now, back to the mundane PSU-KSU game and, well, let’s see how well my distant memory works. As you know, while PSU drew first blood, the touchdown pass was called back due to penalty, which would happen twice during the game. OK, one time at noon because they’re so sleepy they put their jockstraps on backward — that’s understandable. But three friggin’ times? After the proverbial cobwebs were Swiffered-out, the Nittany Lions settled down to a sloppy, 63-10 rout, outclassing the upstart Golden Flashers.

Who da man?

This week’s Nittany Turkey Prognostication Poobah Award goes to the Nittany Turkey himself, who predicted the final score precisely. However, this turkey was so certain of the prediction that he advised a stay-away posture on betting the game. So, ain’t it peculiar that with that admonition, he nails the prediction. Ploo!

Stats are for losers.

But we need to look into the stats just a bit. Penalties’ll killya. Penn State’s nine penalties for 85 yards, including the aforementioned three called-back touchdown plays simply suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks! And what’s with the three offsides penalties by the definsive (that’s how we pronounce it in the South) line? They had ample opportunity to watch game videos and practice against a simulated Kent State tempo offense. WTF? Andandadn what about dropped passes and coughed up balls? Although they didn’t lose any of the fumbles, they should be doing better with one-fourth of the season behind them. The one actual turnover was a quirky interception that involved a hot throw to Miles Sanders that was muffed right into the waiting arms of a defender.

Dropped passes — hey! I’m have no idea what is cooking with Juwan Johnson, but to me he looks rather statuesque out there. He had all zeroes on the stat line, except for targets. However, Juwan’s lack of performance was offset by the trio of Deandre Thompkins, Brandon Polk, and K.J. Hamler — and, of course, freshman Daniel George who combined with freshman QB Sean Clifford late in the game to complete a record-setting 95-yard TD completion in Garbage Time (GT) with 6:55 left in the game. (The record that was broken — the longest play from scrimmage — was set in 1919, a 99-year record). Very cool.

As one would expect, PSU was dominant in the stats overall, but I wanted them to hold KSU to 150 yards total offense, and they failed to do so. The Flashers wound up with 221 yards, including 180 yards passing, completing over half their attempted passes, a credit to them, but mute testimony to the fact that this defense needs work. They showed up, though, recording seven sacks and 15 TFLs. Superstud Shareef Miller led the way with two sacks and three TFLs himself. Linebacker Cam Brown had seven tackles including two TFLs.

Penn State’s high-powered, juggernaut, quick-strike offense under the direction of Trace McSorley (11-22, 2 TD, 1 INT) rung up 643 yards total offense, 346 passing and 297 on the ground. McSorley also had 54 yards and three TDs rushing.

What conclusions can we draw?

One conclusion is that the team still needs to work on ball handling and discipline. Going into the Big Ten schedule, they need to become more sure-handed and attentive. Although it won’t take a fully awake team to beat Illinois on Friday night, tOSU looms in two weeks. (Last night the Buckeyes showed some vulnerabilities in the 40-28 win over TCU, but they also showed they know how to overcome them. But what do I know? I fell asleep during that game, due to too much beer at the two year-old party.).

Are we ready for the Big Ten? You tell me.

 

I’ll be back with some highly unintelligent (and perhaps unintelligible) comments and predictions for the Illiniwek game.

Does Anyone Really Care?

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The Golden Flashers and the Mighty Lions

Kent State Golden FlashesOur favorite whipping boys from Kent State (1-1) travel to Beaver Field at Paterno-Engle-Higgins (sponsored by PENNDOT) Stadium at high noon ET on Saturday to face our favorite mudders, the #11 Nittany Lions (2-0).

After losing to B1G bottom feeder in the opener (at Urbana-Champaign), the Flashers are coming off a confidence inspiring, 54-14 blowout win over FCS Howard (0-2). You know what the Lions did last week, beating a sorry instance of our former cross-state rivals at Pitt, 51-6.

What do we know about the Golden Showers? Well, they suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck! So I won’t be writing much this week, as I can offer scant few insights about Penn State’s team after last week’s game. I don’t need to do any heavy lifting to analyze Kent State, either. 1xbet ???? My IS rating (IS = It Sucks) should suffice.

Nevertheless, it is always a good thing to kick an Ohio team’s ass. Any Ohio team.

Final Tune-Up?

I can throw out some hack sportswriter lingo like “Final tune-up before the B1G schedule commences.” But I won’t. You all know that this game is meaningless. Our guys are not disciplined enough to treat it like they’re playing tOSU, even though that’s what James Franklin would like them to do. (“Every week is our Super Bowl.”) So, they’ll likely squander this opportunity by making more mistakes not in the interest of learning but instead doing dumbass stuff that arises out of disinterest.

After all, it’s a noon start. You and I have seen it over and over again. ????? Still suspended Urban Meyer applied it to his team a few years ago. Discussing noon starts, he described “That dullard look on the team’s faces coming out of the tunnel.” Yeah, we’ve all see our share of that. So don’t expect miracles or perfection or very satisfying football.

There’s also the issue of playing down to the perceived level of the opponent. The crappier the opponent, the crappier the overall play.

So, with a two-year old’s birthday party later in the day, and an engagement in the morning prior to the game, I’m barely able to fit this worthless game into my intense training schedule. We all know it will be another sloppy, semi-satisfying blowout, don’t we?

Did you hear that Joey Porter’s son Joey Porter, Jr. committed to Penn State? Talk among yourselves. Discuss.

But I digress…

Reality Check

OK, I’m distracted and I can’t really get into this game. Did you see how the Steelers played down to the competition on Sunday? They suuuuuuuuuuuuuuucked. Big Ben was intercepted three times and the game wound up in a rare tie. The 21-21 final score was appropriate. No one deserved to win.

Oops, another digression.

The outcome will partially depend on how Hurricane Florence gyrates. Right now, there isn’t much rain in the forecast. ??? ????? ?? ????????   However, some Beaver Field parking lots have been closed due to lots of the same rain that sloshed the Pitt game. The field usually fares well due to excellent drainage and a crack team of groundskeepers, but be wary.

The Golden Flashers’ running back committee has been eating up a lot of yards against the likes of the Illiniweks and the Howardians (I’m too lazy to look up their mascot). Does that stop with the staunch PSU front seven? Holding the Flashers to a respectable yardage total on the ground would be one pleasant outcome from this expected blowout.

Kent state does the tempo thing. That ought to bring some backup linemen and backers out of the woodwork. Perhaps we’ll see some talent in the raw.

What else can we get out of this game? Well, the mimosas at Mike’s Garage will be tasty, and cold, very cold; the sliced onions will be badass; and the bullshit will be flowing free, as always. What could be better?

I’ll tell you what could be better! Error-free play. I demand it. Big Al said they’d play well for two games after a close win over App State. I’ll give them a pass on perfection in the Pitt game because of the weather. They put a lot of points on the board in that game, and they better do it again this week. Only they better play a game that won’t aggravate me prior to the kid party.

The key is lots of three-and-outs so the up-tempo offense of the Golden Wazoos won’t wear out Penn State’s developing but still fragile defense. One way or the other, it will be a blowout and the only thing to be determined is how blowy and how far out.

And now…

Da Bottom Line

This is where I supply my disinterested Official Turkey Poop Prediction for the week’s game. Many of you skip the drivel and scroll right down here. That’s probably advisable. I’m not full of myself like other writers. I’m full of shit, and I admit it. But I hope I’m at least mildly entertaining.

Now, let’s look at what the gamblers have done to the lines. As expected, the Lions are favored by a wide margin — oy! five touchdowns, already! At the moment, the line is Penn State minus 35 points, with an over/under of 65. Them’s some nice, round numbers, which suggest a final outcome of 50-15 in Penn State’s favor. I’m thinking the Nittany Lions might stumble out of the gate and let the Golden Showers score first, after which they’ll wake up from their reveries and begin to play. After making a couple of mistakes in the first half, they’ll come out of the locker room and pile it on. Penn State 63, Kent State 10. Take the overrrrrrrrrrrr. (You don’t really want to gamble on this, do you?)

 

I’ll be back after the game if this headache goes away.