#10 Penn State (3-0, 0-0) at Illinois (2-1, 0-0)
The Game of the Century, Number 328, will be played at Memorial Stadium in Champaign (kept very cold). Just kidding about the game of the century. For most people, unless they forgot completely about watching it because of the weird day and time, it will be a yawner as they look across the horizon to next Saturday’s showdown with tOSU. Let us hope the Nittany Lions team at least shows up.
Nine PM on a Friday night, eh? What’s up wid dat? Are Jim Delany and the Big Ten now going into competition with high school football. I can picture Delany saying, “We want-um some Friday night lights for Heap Big Ten.” Or not. But last I recall, like last year, Franklin was saying WE WON’T PLAY ON FRIDAY NIGHT! So, Delany stuffed a pacifier in Franklin’s mouth and said, “Yes you will, because Daddy says so. Besides, it’s good for you.”
Well, fuck, it’s not too good for the fans. What about the dads and moms among us who have sons in high school football programs. They have to choose between Dear Olde State and Dear Young Son. WTF? Is there no end to the Big Ten and major college football greed? Talk about “culture of football”, willya!
But I digress…
A game cometh, whether we like the day and kickoff time or not, and I’m here to tell you this is another one I would rather not write about. This game is likely to be like Kent State, only more boring and sloppier. Hell, Illinois had a tough time beating both Kent State and Western Illinois, which should tell you something about the “young” Illini. Then, they lost to South Florida, which isn’t an awful team since Charlie Strong got there, and way better than Illinois.
O, How I Sputter!
Illinois sucks in just about every statistical category. Third down conversions, for example. They’re honking along with just under 33% conversions. (Contrast that with Penn State’s mighty 39.5%. LOL. LMAO. They suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!
Tommy Stevens is expected to return in full battle dress, which generally means some excitement lies ahead. And lo, we need some excitement, already.
(What the fuck is a “quick hitter?” I know approximately what it means in the football context but how the hell many trite sports columns are going to call shit “quick hitters”. I think they should call those terse comments “lazy-ass writing for short attention spans” instead of fucking “quick hitters”. Makes me want to puke. But I digress.)
According to Franklin (and who would know better than the illustrious head coach?) John Reid might be back for this game, too. Lord knows, with the two crappy quarterbacks playing for the Illiniweks, he could have a couple INTs his first game back from the infirmary.
Other than that, Franklin didn’t say much at his Tuesday press conference, so what the hell can I write about? I guess I’ll do some “quick hitters.” NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO BULL-SHEEEIT!!!
The forecast calls for a high of 84 degrees and 61% chance of precipitation, some of it in the form of “quick hitter” severe thunderstorms. So WTF. Kickoff at 9, delayed to 12:20 AM due to thunderstorms? Whattya think?
Da Bottom Line
Did you skip the bullshit and come directly here? So did I. This is the place where Swami N. Turkey gives the weekly prediction, and he’s about to die of boredom, so he better make it quick. (I’m taking my first day of a course of Prednisone, which always wires me and makes me goofy, so that explains some of it). Anyhow, I vigress.
OK, let’s make a long story short. (A quick hitter?). Right now, the line is PSU by four touchdowns over Illinois, with an o/u of 59. That works out to 44-15 or thereabouts, as it were. I’m going with 45-10, and that’s that. Take the OVERRRRRRRRRRR.
I’ll be back after the game sometime with a less frenetic wrap-up.