Not Kent State, But Close

UCLA (1-3) at #7 Penn State (4-0)

Penn State, somehow ranked #7, will host the UCLA Bruins in Beaver Stadium on Saturday. Kickoff is 12:00 noon.

For a change, the noon start will play in Penn State’s favor, if they manage to wake the hell up and take advantage of the opportunity. The Bruins have been bouncing around the country, so on top of jet lag, they’ll be travel weary. They of the Pacific Time Zone will be working with an effective nine AM kickoff, after been beaten down by the likes of Indiana, LSU, and Oregon. Their only win was an early away game at Hawaii.

Indiana is showing signs of life this year, but UCLA sure as hell isn’t. The Hoosiers kicked their asses 42-13 in the Rose Bowl, to add insult to injury. Oregon beat them there on Bruin home turf, too, 34-13. Ducks having bear meat for dinner. Who knew?

So, is it any wonder that Penn State is favored at home, replete with non-white-out white-out energy, by four touchdowns? Another impossible spread for Franklin not to cover. But I’ll give this one a strong maybe, perhaps, peradventure, possibly.

Quarterback Woes

Ethan Garbers, UCLA’s senior QB, has sucked this year. The handsome devil with Hollywood looks to go with his Newport Beach nativity has thrown six interceptions in four games, two each in the Hawaii and Oregon games, and one each against IU and LSU. He isn’t that bad, but his offensive line sucks big time, contributing to his interception total, and allowing twelve sacks thus far. Those Hollywood looks will wind up being more like Steve Buscemi than Rock Hudson if that shit continues.

Rushing Game Sucks, Too

You might think that UCLA would turn to the running game, but you would be wrong. Their top runner, T. J. Harden has only 125 yards on 41 carries through four games. The entire team has only 228 yards on the ground for the season. Credit a wonderfully inadequate offensive line for that poor performance.

Absent a running game and with a severely compromised passing game, the Bruins are ripe for another blowout, if Penn State can get its act in gear.

Kicking Woes

Penn State is the one with the shitty kicking situation. If it came down to a field goal, we’d be screwed. UCLA’s kicker, Mateen Bhaghani, is 8-9 on field goals, including a 54-yarder against Oregon. Meanwhile, Penn State kicker Sander Sahaydai is 2-5 on field goals, which blows.

My Last UCLA Game

I last attended a UCLA vs. Penn State game in Beaver Stadium in 1965. Number four UCLA was quarterbacked by Gary Beban, who won the Heisman Trophy a couple years later. Unranked Penn State, led by quarterback Jack White, lost 24-22 in a credible effort a week after getting their asses kicked by Michigan State, 23-0. Speaking of asses, Gerry Sandusky, a 6-1 200 lb senior, played left defensive end on that 1965 team.

Da Wedda

Game day weather is mostly sunny with a high of 71 and not much to worry about otherwise.

Da Bottom Line

Let’s get to the Turkey Poop Prognostication, already. Yeah, cut to the chase, damnit!

OK, I will.

You know the spread—I told you already—and ESPN’s matchup predictor gives Penn State a 95.3% chance of winning. Yep, just the perfect opportunity for Franklin’s boys not to cover. The spread of 28, coupled with the over/under of 46.5, says that our betting friends think PSU will win 37-10. With all the negative shit I didn’t need to dig hard to find about UCLA, who has only beaten Hawaii this year by three points, no less, I think I’ll go against my instincts on this one. So, let’s say, Penn State 45, UCLA 13. Take the over.