Over a year into Mounjaro treatment for Type 2 diabetes, the well of fresh topics is running a little dry. So once again, I do what I do best: talk about me. This week’s update is a tour through six back-to-back medical appointments, starring your faithful 78-year-old narrator, with occasional tangents, health system gripes, and—naturally—a slice of carrot cake.
For those new here, I’m a Type 2 diabetic who’s attained an HbA1c of 5.3% and lost 70 pounds with the help of Mounjaro (tirzepatide), some dietary discipline, and a steady commitment to strength training. I’ve cut my losartan dose in half and ditched metformin. But let’s be clear: Mounjaro isn’t fairy dust. You still have to eat like a grown-up and move your body like you mean it.
Last week, I told you about the precursors for the forthcoming blitz. Now, onto the week’s circus.
Monday Madness
I kicked off with a hernia evaluation. Turns out I’ve got bilateral inguinal hernias, likely congenital, not gym-induced. One of them is self-reducible, which is every bit as glamorous as it sounds. Surgery’s on hold pending CT scan results for some recent weight loss and general malaise. The surgeon was great, but his scheduler? Not so much—blissfully unaware of clinical notes or context. Also on Monday: knee rehab, the one appointment where I voluntarily sweat.
Tuesday: Scan Shuffle
The CT scan got the ol’ reschedule treatment thanks to a paperwork snafu about oral contrast. Apparently, getting some contrast bottles two hours early is harder than launching a SpaceX payload. So instead of the scan, I settled for a chest x-ray and a return trek through hospital hallways after leaving my sunglasses in the radiology room. Joy.
Wednesday: Laser Light Show
Time for a YAG laser zap to fix post-cataract cloudiness. In and out. No pain, no fuss. I did recommend the Fyodorov patient turntable to the doc, but he didn’t bite. (Too bad—it would improve throughput and provide carnival vibes.)
Thursday: A Breather
Only one follow-up appointment, which in this new medical lifestyle qualifies as a day off. Thursday is Lunch with Wifey day, so I indulged in a sandwich and a pile of fried breaded onion rings, which as you’ll soon see was not my only nutritional travesty of the week.
Friday: The Grand Contrast Caper
Finally got the CT scan—after a mere 40 minutes of waiting and a foot-up-the-ass inquiry at the front desk. After slugging two bottles of vintage 2025 contrast fluid, I was free to roam until scan time. I indulged in carrot cake (for science) and amused the skinny IV blonde with tales of banana dream cake—though her sense of humor remained unscanned.
CT Results: A Reluctant Relief
Good news: no malignancy. Just hernias and the usual 78-year-old relics of prior adiposity. Bad news: still feeling off, and Dr. DeLorean tends to tap out when medicine stops being linear. We’ll see what he offers at tomorrow’s follow-up—or if I’ll be referred to The Irascible Dr. Scrooge for further adventures in GI guesswork.
This week’s medical mayhem was facilitated by my trusty Tesla, which drove me to all the appointments. Full Self Driving is quite handy for these boring medical commutes, inspiring the question asked by some of my friends: If you conk out in the car, will it drive you to the hospital? We’ll see…
Supplement Scam Alert
A brief sidebar on creatine, courtesy of influencer Thomas DeLauer. He tested various creatine gummies and found—surprise!—some contained no creatine. A smartphone app created by his partner SuppCo lets you scan barcodes to see how your supplements stack up. It’s possibly biased, definitely commercial, but potentially useful. I’ve installed it and turned off the spammy notifications.
I checked out my collection of supplements, which SuppCo calls my “supplement stack.” More vogue terminology bullshit, and I bet they say “based off of” in the office at SuppCo, but I digress. The vast preponderance of my “supplement stack” were rated “poor.” Harrumph!
Here is a link to SuppCo’s deep dive into creatine supplement testing.
As I type this, my Amazon Echo Show screen is flashing ads for creatine monohydrate gummies, triggering a directed-ad paranoia attack. Oy vey, what a world of dubiously modern bullshit we live in! Anyway, watch DeLauer’s video, with a Turkey-approved jaundiced eye, of course.
This Week’s Mounjaro Numbers
- Weight: 176.2 lbs (up 2.6 lbs) — thanks, carrot cake.
- Average fasting glucose: 109 mg/dL — edging higher, time to tighten things up.
- Stelo overall average: 108 mg/dL — steady under the circumstances.
Conclusion
So ends another thrilling episode of “As the Glucose Turns.” Six appointments, one carrot cake, and zero answers to the nagging malaise. Still, I didn’t die, didn’t need surgery (yet), and didn’t assault anyone in the waiting room—though I was tempted. The CT says I’m boringly normal, which is both comforting and confounding. Next week’s adventure hinges on whether Dr. DeLorean brings inspiration or inertia to the table. Stay tuned, my fellow metabolic misfits.
For an annotated catalog of all my Mounjaro updates, please visit my Mounjaro Update Catalog page.
