The Nittany Turkey

Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

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Just So’s Ya Know…

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The best laid plans of mice and men sometimes run amok, even if the mice are hopelessly addicted to social anxiety disorder drugs. Doubtless my faithful readers (both of you—Hi, Mom!) are anxiously awaiting my brilliant post mortem on the so-called Syracuse game. Well, you’re not going to get much of one due to extenuating circumstances. So, tough!

I spent the weekend in the hospital, all wired up and monitored. I had some chest pains, which sometimes means that an old geezer like this Turkey is about to gobble his last gobble, so I went to the ER. Under the “Better Safe Than Legally Liable” principle, the ER doc, a pink-cheeked, mid-20s-looking butterball who will be a future coronary case himself, admitted me for 23-hour observation. That was at around 4 PM on Friday.

Alas, what was this Turkey to do? Even if I got out on time, the discharge procedures and the ride home would get me there past the end of the game. In this area, ABC was playing the Georgia Tech vs. Virginia Tech game, so I couldn’t get it on the hospital room TV. That would have been acceptable, even if I wasn’t in the brand new wing with the big LCD flat-screens in each room. I wound up ordering DirecTV to record the game on my DVR by using that satellite company’s nifty remote recording set-up via their web site from my Blackberry. Modern technology is great, but I couldn’t stand not to be able to get the game in real time.

I settled for watching the Michigan vs. Notre Dame game while I accessed ESPN.com from my notebook, which Artificially Sweetened had brought for me. Fortunately, the hospital provides Wi-Fi for its coronary patients. In this case, it would have to provide me with the appropriate adrenaline jolts. The game tracker thing worked in a pinch. I was able to watch drives via a chart and textual play-by-play in almost real time. The nurses thought I was completely nuts, with the TV bouncing between channels, the computer splayed out, and the Blackberry repeatedly chirping out score alerts.

Very quickly, the game was out of hand (or in hand, depending on from whose perspective you’re looking at it). My only EKG bender came on the second play of the game when Daryll Clark fumbled the ball away. That was quickly followed by our defense forcing a fumble on the next play, which made me laugh in comic relief. The game was never in doubt from that point on.

My testing was completed on Sunday, after a couple of false starts. The treadmill stress test was originally scheduled for 9 AM, but it had to be rescheduled to 11:15 AM because someone (and I now know who it was) was supposed to have ordered the radioisotope dose the previous day but didn’t. Then, my cardiologist had an emergency at another hospital, so my test was moved to 12:30.

In the meanwhile, I got a chest shave. Now, I’ve had treadmill stress tests before, and in those instances only the areas where the contact pads were to be installed got shaved. This time, I was completely shorn.

When I originally met with the cardiologist in my room, he was rather pessimistic about my chances, wanting to transfer me to the big hospital because he believed that I would do just OK on the treadmill and would still need to get the cardiac catheter to determine how major the blockage was. He wanted to do it at the big hospital in case he had to “open me up” right then and there. He even mentioned that Tim Russert had a good treadmill and still keeled over unexpectedly. These bright, cheery, reassuring words led to my suffering what I presume to have been a panic attack while the Ohio State vs. USC game wrapped up on my non-LCD, non-flat-screen room TV. After some nitroglycerin and a shot of morphine, I was fine. I mean really fine. I still had chest pains, but I didn’t care. Yay, morphine!

So, anyhow, with that glum forecast, I was looking forward to proving to this pessimist that I could handle the treadmill. I told the doc that I had to be home by 8 PM to see the Steelers game. I hopped on the treadmill and did my thing. The nuclear medicine tech knew me from the gym where we both work out. She told the doc and his other tech that I would probably do at least 10 minutes, because she had seen how hard I work out. Both the cardiologist and the technician were indeed surprised that I was able to do 11 minutes of the Bruce Protocol. My pulse simmered down rapidly from maximum, too, and my measured ejection fraction was 69%, for those Turkey fans with medical (or hypochondriacal) orientation. The imaging studies at rest and after exercise revealed no significant blockage or other abnormalities. The cardiologist told me I was going home and could follow up with him if I wanted.

Then, it was a matter of time before my floor nursie got my discharge signed off and sent me home, well in time for the Steelers.

Surprisingly—or maybe not—I had no desire to rehash the Penn State game. It is still there on the DVR, but I might never watch it. I know, I know! I am an irresponsible Nittany Lion blogger, not bothering to watch every nuance of Daryll Clark and Pat Devlin. But, hell, a scrimmage like that one proves absolutely nothing about anybody. They might as well have been playing Discovery Middle School. Besides, I don’t take myself that seriously. There are plenty of pedestrian reports out there on the Internet with more facts than I could dig up. Read them and then come back here to hang out with someone who has more opinions than facts. I’m easier to argue with!

I wish people would quit making comparisons to 1994 and 2005 teams, already. It’s just too early in the season for that kind of crap. What games have PSU played? A scrimmage with an FCS team; another scrimmage with an Oregon State team that was a shadow of its former self; and a walkover with a hapless, has-been Syracuse. So please shut the hell up with those comparisons. We have another cakewalk this weekend, and then the going gets tough. We’ll have nicely padded stats going into the Illinois game, but that’s when the tests of team character and efficacy begin. Until then, I don’t want to hear about the “greatness” of this team.

Sadly, with my weekend hospital stint, our guest reporter for the Syracuse game backed out on us. Hillary was busy with other things and she didn’t want to do it without me. However, Dr. Bill Cosby is still on board for the Temple game wrap-up next week.

This Turkey will return later in the week for a look at the Temple Owls.

A Road Trip to Syracuse

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About 44 years ago, this Turkey joined a bunch of fellow Penn State students for a road trip to Syracuse to watch the last great Nittany Lions basketball team play arch-rival Syracuse. Bob Weiss, Carver Clinton, Terry Hoover, Joe McGovern, Ray Saunders, Paul Weinstein — those names have long faded into obscurity, but they are certainly remembered here. They wound up going to the 1965 NCAA Tournament quarter-finals that year, and I once again watched them at the Palestra in Philly, this time in a losing effort at the behest of Bill Bradley and the Princeton Tigers, which went on to finish third in the tournament. UCLA won, as they usually did back in those days of great John Wooden teams. But I digress. I’m an old fart, so I get off the track. We’re talking about Syracuse here, aren’t we?

Ohhhh, football, you say? Yeah, that’s right. OK.

That was my only trip to Syracuse. I haven’t been back since, but I well remember the football rivalry from those days. We would always be getting our asses kicked, both on and off the field. Syracuse, coached by Ben Schwartzwalder, a heavily decorated paratrooper in World War II, was the putative powerhouse of the East. They had a great running back tradition: Jim Brown, Ernie Davis, Floyd Little, Larry Csonka—it seemed as if every year they reloaded and every year they found a future NFL Hall of Famer. The Syracuse game was always a big deal for Penn State—both the team and the students. Marauding Syracuse students would invade State College and attempt to paint the Nittany Lion shrine orange. (Today’s kids would probably skip the paint and wire the lion with plastic explosives.) On one such occasion, this Turkey participated in an all-night sentry vigil on a cold, cold night, in which a bunch of us took turns (not sober) in guarding the lion. Girls were there serving coffee for antifreeze and for sobriety, and both the girls and the coffee were hot.

Many years have passed since that Homecoming weekend Friday night in 1964. Those girls are grandmas and maybe even great-grandmas by now, but I’ll never forget times like that and I’ll never forget those Syracuse games back in the day. That year, 1964, Syracuse spoiled our Homecoming, 21-14; in 1965 Rip Engle’s team traveled to Syracuse and lost 28-21; and in ’66 the Orangemen came back to State College, beating the Nittany Lions 12-10. Then Joe Paterno took over the program. In 1967, Paterno’s first year as head coach, the Lions finally turned the tide, smashing the Orange on their home field 29-20. The next year, our great, undefeated 1968 team kept the streak going with a 30-12 win at Beaver Stadium. Those last two games made us feel as if we had really arrived as the dominant team in the East, and in the case of 1968, in the nation as well, as we finished #2 in the polls.

We last played Syracuse in 1990, beating them 27-21 at home. Both Syracuse and Penn State football programs were “Eastern Independents.” Then came the formation of the Big East football conference, in which Penn State and athletic director Joe Paterno tried to get involved in, but the deal wasn’t right. Syracuse went with the Big East, in which it had been a basketball power; Penn State went with the Big Ten. The football rivalry, which had existed since 1922, ended with the Nittany Lions leading the series 40-23-5.

Penn State will play Syracuse this year and next in a home-and-home series. Syracuse will be the host this year. Eighteen years have transpired since the Nittany Lions (2-0, 0-0 Big Ten) have played Syracuse (0-2, 0-0 Big East). The Orange are now in a down cycle whereas Penn State is, well, we don’t really know what Penn State is at this point yet, do we? Instead of old Archibold Stadium, Syracuse now has an inflatable domed stadium, the Carrier Dome. That’s nice, but their performances on the field over the past several years have been largely deflating. They’re presently coming off a 42-28 drubbing by the Mid-America Conference Akron Zips in which Akron rolled up 478 yards. They were never in the game. On the previous week they lost to Big Ten whipping boy Northwestern, 30-10. Northwestern rang up 484 yards, and had 25 first downs to Syracuse’s 11. Tyrell Sutton ran for 141 yards. Syracuse was thoroughly dominated.

In three years under head coach Greg Robinson, the Orangemen are 7-28. To say that Robinson’s job is on the line would be to state the obvious. I just did. Sue me, already.

This weekend, the much hyped, rivalry renewing game is part of a weekend-long celebration of the late, great Syracuse halfback, Ernie Davis. The Nittany Lions hope to spoil the celebration just a little bit, while the Orange are hoping the inspirational film presentation will move its team to new heights. The latter is not likely, based on what we’ve seen of Syracuse under Robinson. Look for Evan Royster and Stephfon Green to have a field day against the #112 rushing defense—for them to gain 150 yards each would not be a stretch. This Turkey would not expect to see the vaunted Spread HD playbook opened up even to the extent that it was against Oregon State. I think it will be back to basics against Syracuse, which should be enough. Running plays will probably outnumber passing plays two-to-one.

Before the season began, friend EggMan predicted that the Lions would blow this game. Up there in the air-conditioning capital of the world, they hold a big grudge and would gladly rise to the occasion. Oh yeah? I just wanted to publish this in advance of the game, just in case he’s right. He won’t be, but if he is, I’ll gladly kiss his ass in Kaufmann’s window on Fifth and Smithfield in da Burgh.

And now, we reach the feature that you all (both of you) have been waiting for—the Official Turkey Poop Prediction. But first, let me just say that my emotional overreaction to last week’s suspensions should be disallowed. The original projection of 36-24 was more like it, but it was still way off base. The Nittany Lions handily beat the spread. I didn’t know just how bad the Oregon State defense would be. No chance of making a similar mistake this week. Syracuse is just plain bad. They suck big time. This result is liable to be more like Week 1. The current gambling line has Penn State favored by 27.5 with an over/under of 52, which would suggest a final score of 40-12. However, it ain’t gonna be that close. Penn State 63, Syracuse 10, as another patsy pushover bites the dust.

Kerry Is Not Done Yet

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Kerry Collins will take center stage Sunday as starting quarterback for the Tennessee Titans following Vince Young’s knee injury. ????? ???? ???? It’s been a while since the 14-year veteran former Nittany Lion quarterback was “the man. ????? ???? ?????? ” He’s certainly had his ups and downs, which Vince Young should view as a model when he feels that life has him by the balls. Collins is doing his best to shore up Young’s fragile ego. ??? ???? ???? ???

Read an inspiring Tennessean piece.