The Nittany Turkey

Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

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Bolden: To Whine or To Work?

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Rob Bolden will presumably hang around Penn State for spring semester so as not to disrupt his academic progress while allowing him to compete for the quarterback position. Although that will quench the debate for a while, I read a piece this morning that shed a whole new light on the whole charade and hit on some character issues I’ve harped on in the past.

“Remember, no team wants to start a true freshman quarterback.” –Frank Bodani, York Daily Record

Once in a while, a newspaperman will rise above the fray and hit on an angle that at once dignifies him and elucidates a subject in such a way that competing reporters are made to appear as mere hacks. Frank Bodani of the York Daily Record has written a piece that, in this Turkey’s humble opinion, reduces the Rob Bolden caper to a family matter that transcends mere football machinations.

So often these days, high school athletes develop inflated egos. They’re the BMOC in their small pond. The ego inflation process continues through the recruitment process, when they’re treated like kings and promised great things. Is it any wonder that not only these guys but also their families start believing in their greatness and infallibility, even though many of them are diamonds in the rough, and even more are complete duds?

No, they’re not finished products, and certainly Rob Bolden wasn’t. However, his (and his father’s) sense of entitlement was broadened by Penn State’s decision to start him at quarterback as a true freshman. As Bodani writes, “Remember, no team wants to start a true freshman quarterback.” It just worked out that he was the best option at the time, which changed when he got hurt. He lost his job because Matt McGloin appeared to generate some team spirit that was lacking, and did well on the field for a while. Nobody regarded McGloin as a long-term solution.

Meanwhile, Bolden pouts. McGloin throws five interceptions in the Outback Bowl and Bolden pouts some more. His father, instead of telling him to buck up and compete harder to get his job back, wants to take the easy way out and transfer his son in mid-academic year to another school that will play his son. No one knows where that might have been, but isn’t it absurd to believe that some program’s coach somewhere would guarantee Rob Sr. playing time for his coddled, downtrodden son? The football aspects of the story are beside the point in Bodani’s piece.

Think of what your father would do in this situation. That’s Bodani’s angle. Would your dad want to continue inflating your ego just to make you feel good and not make you understand that things like this happen in life and they build character? Would he tell you to quit pouting and work your ass off in practice to eventually win your job back instead of setting a piss poor example by telling you that if you don’t like it, you can take your ball and go elsewhere?

Read Bodani’s piece. It couches in a much more positive light what I’ve been clumsily trying to say about these spoiled prima dona brats for a long, long time.

How’s That Flag Wavin’?

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Many Penn State fans flap in the breeze along with the fortunes of their Nittany Lions. A win, especially early in the season, induces them to blow much positive wind, while a loss causes them to lament missed opportunities.

The intensity of these reactions is dependent upon the cumulative record for the season and the number of games remaining. After a win, the barroom hypotheses generally go something like this: “Well, if we run the table from here out…” Depending on the number of games remaining, they conclude optimistically with one of the following: “…we’ll have a great shot at playing for the SSMNC” (if there are as yet no losses), “…we’ll be playing on New Year’s Day,” or later in a mediocre season, “…we’ll wind up being bowl eligible.” Fresh off a loss, the same fans can be heard predicting global apocalypse, forecasting the death of the Penn State football program, speaking with absolute certainty of an impending duel between Prexy Spanier and Joe Paterno at High Noon on Curtin Road (so at least interested spectators can buy refreshments at The Creamery), or hallucinating about conversations with assistant coaches’ wives at a pre-game tailgate about discord and dissension among the coaches.

Two weeks ago, after an ugly homecoming loss to Illinois, the sky was falling. There was no tomorrow. Today, after an ugly win over Minnesota, lovely, pigtailed, blonde children are dancing on edelweiss covered hills, singing about female deer, and eating chocolate covered, cherry flavored knishes colored with red dye #40 to match the red painted lips of the lovely, perfect children. However, this Turkey (alas!) has not participated in that hallucination and sees no great cause for optimism (as usual).

This past Saturday, with perfect 11 am weather in Minneapolis, the Penn State Nittany Lions (4-3, 1-2 Big Ten) battled the Minnesota Golden Gophers (1-7, 0-4) for the Big Ten cellar and managed to pull off an ugly 33-21 win before a half-full (and I’m being generous) TCF Bank Stadium, and a modest TV audience on ESPNU. Many Pennsylvania fans were completely pissed off that they couldn’t find ESPNU anywhere on their cable systems, but that is the reality of sucking badly and playing against a team that sucks even worse. Don’t expect ABC prime time, folks. We’re lucky we’re getting ESPNU. At least we didn’t get Pam Ward on the announcing team.

How ugly was it? Very ugly. The Penn State defense, admittedly using injuries as an excuse, couldn’t stop anything, allowing only Minnesota’s occasional lapses to stop drives. The Gophers racked up 433 total yards, of which 299 were aerial. Adam Weber was 26-49 with three TDs and one INT. Minnesota’s offense managed to get 26 first downs to Penn State’s 17 and they dominated time of possession 33:40 to 26:20. They were 5-16 on third down conversions as opposed to Penn State’s 2-10.

Against Minnesota’s sieve of a defense, which I told the boys at Mike’s Garage even the three of us old fellas could run on with the McCabe Sisters blocking, the Nittany Lions were unable to muster a 100 yard game for any runner, winding up with 145 yards, mostly split between Silas Redd and Evan Royster. Royster has now passed Tony Hunt to become #2 on the list of all-time Penn State runners, and he’s 30 yards behind Curt Warner, who is presently atop the heap, the top step on the running backs’ stairs of fame at the Student Book Store.

Aerially speaking, PSU passed for 206 yards. Rob Bolden was looking good, having completed 11 of 13 for 130 yards and a touchdown, when he was removed from the game with “concussion-like symptoms.” Third-string replacement Matt McGloin was 6 of 13 for 76 yards, two touchdowns and an interception. Both teams punted six times.

Bolden took himself out of the game in the second quarter, but Coach “Red” McQueary pushed him back onto the field, where Bolden dropped to his knees. The official word is that McQueary wanted Bolden to stay prostrate on the field to get an injury time-out. Who knows whether this is an accurate representation. I’ll have to go to a pre-game tailgate and talk to the coaches’ wives to get the true scoop. Anyway, Bolden was out for the rest of the game, mysteriously replaced by third-stringer Matt McGloin.

Why not Kevin Newsome? Perhaps the rumor that Newsome was hurting or sick and wouldn’t make the trip holds a clue. He actually did make the trip, but he didn’t appear to be too well on the plane (see my previous post). He was seen fumbling with a knee brace on the sideline. Newsome did, in fact, get a little playing time, which is damn important because if Bolden isn’t cleared to play this weekend against Michigan, we’ll be down to two quarterbacks.

It is hard to derive anything positive from this game, given that Minnesota is bad, really bad, and because they suck so badly, the athletic department took the unusual step of firing the head coach, Tim Brewster, in the middle of the season. In fact, they fired him the week before the Penn State game, which left them in further disarray.

At his post-game press conference, PSU head coach Joseph Vincent Paterno, looking every one of his 84 years, said that “we had our hands full; they’re a good football team” — big surprise. A few minutes earlier, when ESPNU’s sideline blonde (not a young, nubile one, but a well worn 50+ year-old former SI sports writer, suitable for ESPNU) asked about Newsome not getting much playing time, Paterno responded, “Who?” This Turkey, being an old codger himself, feels that Joe probably couldn’t hear the blonde all that well, being on the field with everyone rushing around after the game; however, it is likely to be reported by anti-Paterno viewers of the incident as a concrete sign of Paterno’s impending senility. But I digress.

No matter how much Old Joe pats them on the back, Minnesota is really bad, so what conclusions can we draw? Obviously, looking at the stats, Penn State is really bad, too!

I think we have to view Penn State’s remaining schedule realistically. The Nittany Lions are certainly a good bet to beat Indiana. Beyond the Hoosiers, it is hard to see another win. Thanks to Denard Robinson, Michigan is not the dishrag we thought it would be this year; with the Lions defense having been crippled by injuries and lack of talent while the offense struggles to score points, I see this one going to Michigan. I’ll be kind and say that the Northwestern game could go either way, although I’m pretty convinced that the Wildcats will prevail. Ohio State is one that everyone had conceded before this season even began—no hope there. Finally, whereas no one showed any respect for Sparty at the beginning of the season, the boys from Moo U. are off to an 8-0 start for the first time since 1966, back in the Bubba Smith days. (Yeah, you know him—he’s the big guy in the Police Academy movies). So what does that leave? At best, a 6-6 record and a trip to the mythical Toilet Bowl in Kohler, Wisconsin. Even more likely is a 5-7 season and no bowl.

Nevertheless, paradoxically after a win, many Nittany Lions fans are still crying in their beer about what might have happened if Nebraska had lost to Miami in the 1995 Orange Bowl while urging Paterno and Spanier to polish their dueling pistols as they listen to the plaintive notes of “Do Not Forsake Me: The Ballad of High Noon.”

In his post-game press conference, Paterno said that he detected more enthusiasm from his players for this game than for earlier ones. I didn’t sense much, myself. The 2010 Nittany Lions are still leaderless and thus prone to meander. I don’t see that problem being rectumfied this season and I don’t see much else improving, either.

Except, perhaps, that if PSU does somehow manage to beat Michigan in a shoot out, this Turkey’s attitude will improve. “The hillllllls are aliiiiiiiiiive with the sound of muuuuuuuuuusic…”

We’ll be back later in the week for a more realistic look at the forthcoming Michigan game.

Quarterback Controversy Redux

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Sorry to keep yinz waiting for my comments about the Youngstown State penguin fry. I’m the only football writer here on the Turkey staff, so I’ve got to write when I can. Well, hell, I think I’m the only anykinda writer at the Turkey. I wish I could talk Artificially Sweetened into writing an occasional column with her perspective on football—or anything else, for that matter. Maybe, if I can pry her away from Facebook long enough, I can get that ol’ cowgirl to reverse her original decision on the matter, possibly, perhaps. But I digress.

As you know, the Nittany Lions took care of slicing and dicing the Penguins quite nicely, 44-14. In the process, [insert hackneyed cliche about Bolden showing he’s worthy of starting]. Yeah, Rob Bolden was quite impressive against a team that the Sweater Vest used to coach before he grabbed the brass ring with the Buckeyes. That’s about the best thing I can say about them unless I want to humiliate the Penguins further. I should have no qualms about doing that, because they’re the ones who get the gratuitous big payday for laying down and dying before the Big Ten middle-of-the-pack Lions. Well, anyhow, before Newsome came in for mop up duty, Bolden had a helluva good day, 20-39 for 239 yards with two touchdowns and one interception. The 6’4″/208 lb true freshman stringbean showed the rather anemic paid crowd of 101,213 the skills of a seasoned quarterback.

Notice that I didn’t use the word “frosh” once during my lionization of Bolden. For some reason, I hate that word. I guess it’s a good thing to have in one’s mental thesaurus when writing headlines and captions, where “freshman” is just too wide. But what the hell? M-W.com says it was first used around 1915 as a shortening of the real word. I say we don’t need the Crisco anymore. It sounds dumb and it is archaic. Let’s send this one back to the last century, from whence it came.

Whoa, Turkey! What’s all the bitching about?

I have a damn cold, so certain untoward things annoy my irascible ass even more than usual. Besides, I like tangential tirades.

So, anyhow, why am I talking about a reprise of the quarterback controversy? Simply this: Newsome did not come to Penn State to take a pine splintered backseat for four years, and that’s where it looks like he is headed if Bolden does what everyone expects him to do. Newsome backed up Daryll Clark last year and expected to start this year. He lost the starting job to our new freshman sensation, fair and square. On the other hand, McGloin is a walk-on, so his expectations are dissimilar. It would have been a wonderful accomplishment for him to have won the top spot, but no big deal now that he didn’t. Finally, Jones will be red-shirted unless something happens with either Newsome or McGloin. Based on all this drivel, my guess is that Newsome has the most to gain by finding a new home, and I think he will do so after this season. What do you think?

Maybe this is counting my Turkey chicks before they hatch. After all, Bolden has played exactly one game. Lots of things can happen this coming week. Don’t expect the Alabama defense to let Bolden sit in the pocket for a leisurely 10 seconds with time enough to scratch his nuts before launching a pass. In fact, don’t expect there to be a pocket for very long. Bolden better be sharp with his short timing patterns, because he’s going to have a lot of crimson in his face all day. He’ll have a hostile crowd of over 100,000 there, too. Down in Tuscaloosa, they ain’t gon’ be wantin’ to let no upstart quarterback get the drop on their vaunted national champs. It will be a rockin’, sockin’ experience for an 18 year-old guy who was playing high school ball this time last year. This is an extreme test. There’s no easing into it. I’m hoping that he’ll be able to stay safe for the whole game. Pray for his well being.

The rushing game, particularly Royster, didn’t work against the Penguins. Really?  Yeah, you read that right. I’m still feeling weird about writing it. The cobbled together Penn State offensive line wasn’t helping at all. Royster wound up with 11 carries for 40 yards. How the hell will that play against Alabama? David Jones of the Patriot-News thinks that Royster is substantially slower than last year because he is carrying 15 more pounds. It is hard to tell whether that’s true, however, if the damn offensive line doesn’t create any room for him to run.

What worked well for PSU were the special teams, for a change. Chaz Powell gave us a flashy 100-yard kickoff return and another worth 28 yards. Collin Wagner was a perfect 3-3 in field goal tries, with a long kick of 49 yards. All were over 43 yards, a distance at which Wagner was inconsistent at best during the previous season. Furthermore, using newly conscripted punter Anthony Fera for kickoffs proved to be a good strategy. He can actually boot the ball deep. Big improvement from last year when I couldn’t write much of anything good about special teams.

While Graham Zug was inexplicably absent from the passing game, Brett Brackett made up for it by snagging 8 passes for 98 yards and two touchdowns. Derek Moye added 5 receptions for 61 yards. Brackett seems to be Bolden’s favorite target. However, he’s going to have to spread the ball around with Alabama, and he’ll have to use the tight end as well. In any case, it is clear to this Turkey that an effective passing game will needed, as I expect the Tide defense to roll against the run.

In all, Youngstown State was a good, but not spectacular, tune-up game for the Nittany Lions. I have seen no reason as yet to hop off my season prediction of 7-5. This weekend should tell us a lot about this group’s moxie, and I’ll be back with you later in the week with my thoughts on the forthcoming Alabama game.

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