Who is likely to get kicked off American Idol this week? Let your favorite railbird, The Nittany Turkey, handicap the remaining contestants’ chances of getting the axe this week.

This week is “country week.” Martina McBride will be the guest mentor. This creates a problem for just about everyone who remains. I’m a-thinkin’ that Haley would have been hot to watch in a pair of tight, studded jeans, but she’s gone. Oh, the singing, you say? Like American Idol is really about singing! Haley wasn’t much of a singer, but she sure as hell entertained me. If this competition is about singing, then why the hell is Sanjaya and his supporting cast of programmed idiots doing so well? But I digress. I just don’t think that country suits any of the remaining dudes and dudesses, but they they might just suprise us all.

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This week’s guest mentor on American Idol is Jennifer Lopez, which should make it interesting for the remaining eight contestants. This is supposed to be a “Latin-themed” week, and I suspect they don’t mean the kind of Latin you learned in Catholic school. In fact, the nuns would in no way approve of the dance moves I hope to see performed by the delightfully callipygian J-Lo on Wednesday night.

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So said Randy Jackson last night on American Idol, following the performance of Sanjaya Malakar, who now must be regarded as one of the potential finalists, albeit ludicrously so. Malakar, the favorite of 13 year-old girls everywhere, delivered a somewhat restrained—ok, let’s call it awful—performance, as he continues to prove each week that he does not belong on the same stage with even the worst of the other remaining contestants. To boot, he sported a new hairdo, a weird, Mohawklike thing that looked like seven feather dusters implanted in his cranium. In his insouciant banter with the so-called judges after his crappy performance he dubbed it a “Pony Hawk,” referring to the seven ponytails arranged in a a medial arc from his prefrontal cortex to his cerebellum.

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