The Nittany Turkey

Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

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Penn State 44, Ball State 13

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Franklinesque 1-0 for the Week

Yeah, well we knew it would be a win, but sometimes we get surprised by an inferior opponent. (If they beat the mighty Nittany Lions, they’re not inferior, are they, Sanguinarians?). So, what can we draw from this easy victory and what does it portend for the first serious game of the season coming up on Saturday?

First, A Comeuppance for tOSU

Ryan Day, hahhahahhahahahhaha! I had a feeling you would get fucked by the Ducks, so take that! Final score: 35-28. I think K. John must have been right on the money when he declared Iowa as the best team in the B10, because Oregon sure as hell outplayed tOSU. Congratulations to OC Joe Moorhead, formerly of PSU, and head coach Mario Cristobal.

PSU Offense Took Care of Business

Sean Clifford was 22-29 for 230 yards. He ran for one TD and threw for another. Lots of participation by lots of skill position players in the offense. Total offense was 493 yards. We even saw backup QB Ta-Quan Roberson in action, including a TD pass to Theo Johnson in the waning minutes.

The 240-yard rushing day gave us some hope for a balanced offense going forward. Noah Cain, Keyvone Lee, and Sean Clifford each had sixty-something.

On defense, PSU had six tackles for loss and only one sack. They scored a touchdown on a Pick six by Jesse Luketa. Daequan Hardy was responsible for the other INT.

The game was not a walkover, as Ball State proved themselves worthy opponents in many ways. They made a few mistakes, which PSU’s hungry defense capitalized on.

I would like to see some comments about offensive line play, which I did not think was good. If any of you see things differently, please comment. If you agree and you want to expound, please comment. (I don’t get any ad revenue — I just enjoy reading your comments).

Special Teams Improving, But Need Work

Jordan Stout was 4-5 on field goals and a perfect 5-5 on extra points. The field goal he missed was a 45-yarder, but at least he wasn’t missing the short ones. His punting average was 51.3 with a long of 63, again, Ray Guy material. However, he needs work hitting that coffin corner. Everything off this guy’s foot goes long!

Stupid Poll Implications

I suspect that tOSU will not drop out of the top ten. #6 Notre Dame and #5 Texas A&M both showed weakness and should drop out. Notre Dame spend most of the game losing to Toledo before pulling it out with 16 fourth quarter points to win it by a slim margin, 32-29. A & M beat lowly Colorado 10-7. Meanwhile Alabama, Oklahoma, Georgia, and Clemson all won convincingly, as did Iowa. Oregon will probably move into the top five.

So, like Alabama, Georgia, Oklahoma, Oregon, Iowa would be my top five, with Clemson, tOSU, Cincinnati, Florida, and Penn State rounding out the top ten. Did I leave anyone out? Will the pollsters (as usual) discount any of Notre Dame’s obvious weakness?

Polls are pretty subjective and meaningless until midway through the season, but they make for good barroom chatter.

(I’ll be back during the week with a preview of the big Auburn game and my usual bullshit).

He Does, Too Have Teeth!

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Thanks to PSU Lion’s Den publisher/author/surgeon Todd, we now know that the Ball State Cardinal, like its counterpart at the University of Louisville, indeed has teeth. As a practicing ornithologist, he should know. ????? ?????? Wait, what? He’s an ophthalmologist? Never mind…

Let’s Get Ballin’

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Penn State Hosts Ball State in Home Opener

Unlike its Louisville counterpart, the Ball State cardinal has no teeth. which is why it looks so pissed off.

The Ball State Cardinals (1-0, 0-0 MAC), last year’s MAC champions come to St. Joe Memorial Stadium at Beaver Field Saturday at 3:30 PM offer themselves as a sacrifice to the football gods. The heavily favored #11 Penn State Nittany Lions (1-0, 1-0 B10) will seek to improve to 2-0 in front of a packed house.

Ball State is coming off a not very impressive 31-21 over Missouri Valley Conference Western Illinois, while Penn State, as you well know, beat Wisconsin ugly last week, with an anemic ground game and several gifts from God through His servant Graham Mertz. Sanguinarians now predict a 12-0 season and a playoff berth for PSU, as you know, but this Penn State team should easily handle the Cardinals. Should, I said — unless they’re too preoccupied looking ahead to Auburn next week.

Ball State’s secondary was porous against W Ill, allowing 367 passing yards, but their rushing defense held the Leathernecks to just 70 yards. It would be nice if Penn State would manage to do better than last week’s 50 yards on the ground. A couple of sustained drives by the Nittany Lion offense in the first half would earn major appreciation by the weary defense.

Penn State’s secondary was competent last week, and they’ll need to remain so this week. Ball State’s Super Senior Justin Hall leads the FBS with 265 career receptions. Last week, Hall had eight catches for 137 yards against Western Illinois.

The Cardinals are a well-seasoned bird, with most of their team returning from last year, including sixteen fifth-year seniors.

I hope the Penn State rushing game works in the first half, because I will be bored otherwise. The offensive line play will be key. They weren’t remarkably effective last week, but that was Wisconsin. How about a hundred-yard day for No(v)ah Cain, for starters?

And the kicking game. Franklin explained that there are three parts to the kicking game: the snap, the hold, and the kick. He said the laces weren’t positioned right. That sounds like my excuse on the golf course. My shoes are laced up wrong. Yeah, that’s it. (I know the ball position on the hold is critical but come on. A missed extra point and a chip shot field goal?) Get that act together!

Last week, I failed miserably. I took the “over” and had Wisconsin scoring 42. The PSU defense is better than I thought, and they should easily handle David Letterman U this week. But the Cardinals are a hard-working, experienced squad, and they won’t be showering us with gift cards like Wisconsin did. Or should I just reduce it to Graham Mertz? Yeah, he’s the guy hanging in effigy in Madison as I write this.

Da Wedda

Saturday is forecast to be a genuinely nice late summer day in University Park: partly sunny with a high of 74. I’d love to be there instead of steamy Central Florida!

Da Bottom Line

Time now for the fallible forecast, the Official Turkey Poop Prediction, that awful offal extruded by this foul fowl. Yessssssss! And it counts!

The gamblers have made Penn State a 22½-point favorite, with an over/under of 57½. A little math reveals that this represents a break-even with the Nittany Lions winning 40-17 or some such thing. If Western Illinois can score 21 on Ball State, I believe Penn State can double that — IF they can muster some semblance of a running game. Relying on “explosive” plays (low percentage plays, in other words) can be a dangerous game. Not much chance of outright losing this one, but will they cover? I’m thinking they’ll put 32 on the board and allow 13, Just because I think Justin Hall can give our secondary some trouble. Yeah, that’s it. They ain’t going to cover the spread. I’ll go with Penn State 32, Ball State 13. Take the under.

(I’ll be back after the game with my sparkling witticisms, seasoned with a few I-told-you-sos).