Three Nooners in a Row, At Least

Penn State has become the Rodney Dangerfield of the ESPN/ABC/FOX/BTN TV schedulers, relegated to the noontime slot for at least three games in a row, and maybe four. That blows! I’m telling you, they don’t get no respect. And avast, me schmuckos, if they come out with “that dullard look” about them, or if they are still shell-shocked from their loss to Minnesota, they might could put themselves in jeopardy of losing two of the three remaining games.

(I like that Piedmont Prose conditional expression “might could.” It’s so much more gratuitously redundant and roundly rhythmical than saying just “might”. It keeps the tongue flopping around while somehow averting a subluxation of the ganektiga zoink.)

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Minnesota 31, Penn State 26

Was it “that dullard look”?

Was it failure to execute?

Was it bad coaching?

I’ll tell you what it wasn’t. What I don’t want to hear about is bad officiating. If it’s bad, it’s bad, but excuses like that are for losers. ????? ???? ????? Whiners who use such excuses conveniently forget the bad calls, missed calls, and non-calls that go in their homeboys’ favor, too. It’s part of the game, no matter how we try to scientificalize the process of officiating, which I think is drudgerously ruining the damn game. ??? ???? ??????

Penn State came out flat and sucked on both sides of the ball. The better team won, and that’s that. ???? ????? Go Rodents! You have my respect.

Now it’s back to Beaver Stadium and bring on Indiana. The team psyche better rebound.

Turkey out.

(And you thought Wisconsin had a big O-Line…)

Oh yeah? Well take this: a 6’9″, 400 lb tackle and the guy next to him is 6’5″, 350. According to James Franklin, Minnesota has the biggest offensive line in the country including the NFL.

Now, that can punish a defense, particularly if the possessor of such a behemoth O-line happens to control IITOP (Increasingly Irrelevant Time of Possession). As if that’s not enough, Antonio Shelton’s suspension for a rather egregious and unneccessary unsportsmanlike conduct penalty for spitting in the direction of a Moo U. player leaves a hole in the middle of the Lions’ defensive line. They’ll be light one major piece for the entire game.

Penn State will have to deal with those realities, along with the early wake-up call of an 11 AM CT kickoff when the #5 Nittany Lions (8-0, 5-0) line up against the #13 Minnesota Auric Rodents, who possess an identical record. The Rodents will be bolstered by the news that their highly successful coach, P. J. Fleck, has signed a new seven-year contract subject to approval by the Board of Regents. But that happened to Franklin last year and we see how that has turned out. (I’m not sure what I meant by that). Anyhow, P. J. Flyspeck has the full faith of Goldengopherhood in the Land of the Frozen North, as it were. Put that in your pipe and freeze it!

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