The mighty #3 Penn State Nittany Lions (9-0, 5-0 Big Ten) travel to Iowa to meet the Iowa Hawkeyes (5-4, 2-3 Big Ten), at 3:30 on Sattiday. Dis game be a ABC/ESPN regional-ass game, which means that in some parts of dis country, da game on ABC and in other parts it be on ESPN. In Russia, it is blacked out.
It is normally difficult for college football players to maintain focus through an entire season, especially since the season is now 12 or 13 games. Add in a distracting presidential election and a week off three-fourths of the way through the season after an emotional, hard fought signature game for additional diffusion potential. Then take the team on the road to a weird place in the middle of the corn belt to play an underachieving Iowa team with a running back as good as any in the Big Ten that has been frustrated by four close losses, and you’ve sown the seeds of an upset loss, a monkey wrench in the works of a program hell bent on bringing a so-called national championship home to State College.
So, will the Nittany Lions be able to avert this potential trap? Doing so will say a helluva lot about their character. An impressive win will make us all rest at ease. They must resist the temptation to “mail it in”, as this bunch of Iowa Hawkeyes are too good to overlook in that fashion.
The Hawkeyes losses to Pitt, Northwestern, Moo U., and the Fightless Illini were by margins averaging three points per game. A break one way or the other in two of those games and we’d be looking at a 7-2 team this week.
Much of the hoopla about the Hawkeye offense involves running back Shonn [sic] Greene. Clearly, his parents did not know how to spell, so Greene grew up defending himself against insults such as, “Yo momma can’t even spell Sean!” This made the young man tough. Now, he’s in the NFL farm system, better known as college football, and he’s big, strong, tough, and agile. At 5’11” in verticality, he tips the poundage meter at 235 lbs. Imagin yo’ ass bein’ a linebacker with that load comin’ at ya full steam! Half-ass make you want to crap yo football pants. Let me get out of dialec’ for a moment here. Greene is averaging close to 140 ypg, third in the NCAA. Sheeeeeeeit!
Yeah, he’s a biggun, and he has the potential to make a defense bone weary by the middle of the third quarter. However Penn State ranks 11th in the FBS (which sounds like some kind of “feminine” product, but is what used to be Division I-A) in rushing defense, allowing 99 yards per game. The Nittany Lions have been able to shut down good tailbacks throughout this season, most notably Beanie Wells in the Ohio State game. If the lads on the defensive front seven manage to maintain their focus and Bradley can keep rotating in fresh defensive linemen, the Lions can take care of business here.
Of course, if they can shut down the run, Iowa will be forced to pass. Duh! Fortunately, man, Iowa ranks a crappy 85th nationally in passing offense while Penn State ranks 4th in the nation in pass efficiency defense. Advantage, Lions? Yeah, you bet yo’ ass.
If the Lions simply play a good four quarters and take care of business, they’ll win this one. If they play their stupid conservative road game plan and forget to compete in the first half, they’ll be sorry.
The Iowans have called for a black-out, which became a green-out. Fuck, when are these dicks going to stop copying a great Penn State idea and come up with something of their own? Maybe Guido d’Elia should get fucking royalties for all the “outs” taking place around the country by schools who don’t know what the hell they’re doing. I attended a UCF game last Sunday, where a white-out was in effect, but no one knew about it. Well, maybe 300 students were wearing white, but I digress. Anyhow, the “green-out” idea was supposed to be a tribute to Shonn [sic] Greene, but then it would be a Greene-out, and “Greene” is not a color. So WTF?
This is the first time Penn State has played in Kinnick Stadium since 2003. That game was a loss, but then it took place during what we’ve found many people referring to as the Dark Days.
The weather in Iowa City is, well, crappy. Without being too corny here, I hope the harvest is finished. The official forecast calls for “Rather cloudy and breezy with a high of 46.” This is the first time I’ve seen “rather” in a weather forecast.
Senior Übercoach Herr Joe Paterno reports that Daryll Clark will be ready to play after getting his bell rung in the Ohio State game, in which he sat out the winning drive in the fourth quarter, pissed-offedly watching Pat Devlin lead the Lions to victory evermore. Fight on on on on on, fight on Daryll Clark. (If Shonn [sic] Greene’s parents had named Clark, would he be Dare’El Clarke? Them apostrophe names is too cool, ain’t they bro? And what is that “El” stuff? Randle El, Logan El…them’s two-word last names. I wonder if mah people will start naming kids like that. You know, for example, d’Moisheshaw Horowitz El?)
Where was I? Fuck, I forget.
I guess this is a good time to corral my digressin’ ass and issue the Official Turkey Poop Prediction, that which you have no doubt been awaiting with bated anticipation, as it were. The gambling line has the visiting Nittany Lions currently favored by 8 points, with an over/under of 43. This, by some simple algebraic manipulation, suggests a score on the order of 25-17. This Turkey believes that Penn State will take care of business, primarily because he has challenged them to play a good game, and each and every one of those guys knows what will happen to them if they don’t. Penn State 31, Iowa 7.