I called my soon-to-be ex-doctor’s office today to ask for my long overdue blood test results from May 17. After wading through the phone menu system that starts with “If this is a medical emergency, hang up and dial 911…” and selecting all the right options, then listening to on-hold music for four minutes, I got a human being. The conversation went something like this:
Human Being: Internal medicine.
Me: Good morning, Internal Medicine.
Me: So, is it a good morning around there?
HB: Not particularly.
Me: Well, that’s too bad. It’s going to get worse. I need to know what it will take to get my blood test results that you’ve had for three weeks.
HB: It takes 7-10 days to get results back.
Me: That’s a crock. This is the only medical practice I’ve dealt with where simple blood tests take that long. I typically get results back in less than a week. In fact, you’ve delayed this one long enough that I’ve already received the lab bill and paid it.
HB: Sorry about that. Well, I know she just sent out a bunch of cards yesterday. [If you read my previous posts on the subject, you recall that I was told that if the test results are normal, I would get a postcard, and if there were anomalies, I would get a phone call.]
HB: Your name?
Me: [my name]
HB: Do you want me to pull your chart?
Me: I want my results. What do I have to do?
HB: I can get your chart and call you back.
Me: You know, maybe I should just go there and pick it up.
HB: Then, you would have to call “Medical Records” and request it.
Me: In other words, take a hike?
HB: No, I’m just telling you that if you want to pick up your records, that’s who you’ll have to call.
Me: I don’t know that I want to deal with your screwed up practice at all. Given that it takes five months to schedule a physical and three weeks plus to get blood test results and then it’s like pulling teeth…
HB: Do you want me to call you?
Me: Yes, please call me.
Well, that was before 10 AM. It is now 7:30 PM. Predictably, she didn’t call. Stay tuned…