Paterno Gets Game Ball As PSU Steamrolls Temple

UNIVERSITY PARK, PA, November 11 — The Nittany Lions (7–4, 4–3 Big Ten) blanked the hapless Temple Owls (1–9) by the biggest margin this season, 47–0. Temple is so bad that this Turkey cannot extrapolate anything on the basis of this game. Whether the Lions can beat Michigan State next week is still a big question.

One thing is for sure: PSU hasn’t solved any of its offensive problems. Morelli still stares down receivers and gets intercepted. The offensive line still sucks. Receivers still drop catchable balls. The offensive unit still stalls in the red zone, even against the worst damn defenses in organized football. Today, they still could convert only five of thirteen third downs. Today, they still turned the ball over twice. They still look out of sync, as if this were September, not November. So, we cannot glean much from this game other than business as usual for the damn offense.

Nevertheless, a couple of standout performances on offense are worthy of mention, as one would expect in a 403 yard day. Tony Hunt had 16 carries for 167 yards and three touchdowns, putting him over the 1,000 yard hump for the year. Derrick Williams finally broke out of his slump with a 72 yard punt return for a touchdown.

The defense was obviously solid. They’re not a great unit, but they’re very good. Certainly, Temple never threatened. But then again, how good do you have to be to shut out a team that sucks as bad as Temple.

Levi Brown dedicated the game to ailing coach Joe Paterno, recovering at home from surgery on his left leg. “The game ball is going to go to coach Paterno,” said Levi. “Wherever he’s at, I’m going to take it to him.”

Joe, of course, wanted to be there. He probably had to be strapped down by Sue and Dr. Sebastianelli to keep him from bolting from the house and trotting straight to Beaver Stadium. He might be able to coach next week, but from the booth, not from the sideline. Today, he had to settle for giving the team a pre-game pep talk via speakerphone.

So, this Turkey usually writes some self-deprecating crap when his predictions are way the hell off, so I feel it is time to give me my “props” (whatever the hell “props” are—is that some sort of damn Ebonic word or something?).

Prop #1: Turkey predicted 45–7. Final score was 47–0. Close enough for government work. Props to the Turkey, all hail!
Prop #2: Turkey said four or five touchdowns by halftime. Nittany Lions score four touchdowns and a field goal by halftime. Four touchdowns and a field goal slides right into the slot between four and five. Props to the Turkey, O great sage of the ages!
Prop #3: Turkey said we’d see Daryll Clark in the third quarter. We did. (OK, so this one was a complete no-brainer.) Megaprops, dude!

There. Don’t “props” feel better than all the kicking yourself you’ve done this season, Turkey?

Yeah, they sure as hell do, whatever the hell they might be!

Like, welcome to the proposphere, man. Just remember that this was Temple. With Moo U., you’ll never get close. No frickin’ props, man!

Oh yeah?

(Now I’m talking to myself.)

Well, with that unmitigated nonsense, I’ve run out of words about the Temple game. Next week, the final game of the regular season sees Penn State (7–4, 4–3 Big Ten) facing head coachless Michigan State (4–7, 1–6 Big Ten) at Beaver Stadium for the vaunted Land Grant Trophy. This game always defies prediction and Moo U. has certainly been unpredictable this year. We’ll be back midweek with a cynical overview of the big Land Grant game and, yes, we’ll have a very nice picture of the monstrosity of a trophy!

Bowl Scenarios

Wisconsin still has an outside shot at a BCS game. Move PSU up one Big Ten bowl slot in the scenarios below if that happens.

PSU beats Moo U.: Outback Bowl

PSU loses to Moo U. and Purdue beats Indiana: Alamo Bowl

PSU loses to Moo U. and Indiana beats Purdue: Outback Bowl

The Turkey says get yourself a room in Tampa.