The Idol wannabes performed on Tuesday, and save for a brilliant performance from David Archuleta, the 17 year-old who looks 13, it was a pretty mundane night.
Dolly Parton’s guest mentorship meant that we would be hearing naught but Dollysongs. Alas, one of those was also a Whitneysong, performances of which in the Whitney style typically cause both my Idol partner, the Redhead, and I, the Nittany Turkey, to blow chunks. Syesha Mercado did the dirty deed with I Will Always Love You, and we both threw up. (I haven’t emptied my vomit bucket yet, just in case she is voted off tonight and gets to sing it again.)
Anyway, in addition to Archuleta’s, credible performances by David Cook and Michael Johns secured the victory for the ballsful contingent. Of the guys, only Jason Castro, who must have been starstruck after Dolly fondled his dreds, actually sucked.
As for the ballsless squad, the stage was replete with a veritable miasma of assorted drek. Carly Smithson delivered the best the breastful ones could muster, but it was nothing close to a knockout punch. Little Ramiele Malubay with the great big voice and somewhat chubby legs looked a little more comfortable than she had been of late, but nothing about her number renewed my faith in her being around at the end. Brooke White sang in whiter shades of pale vanilla white. Non-memorable and bland. The only babe performance of note was horse-girl Kristy Lee Cook, she of the great altitude and fine, fine, superfine legs. They even looked good as she pranced around the stage barefoot. Yeah, I won’t mind keeping her around for another week. Oh yeah, she sang, too, and she does country pretty well. It’s her thing, you know.
So, upon about six seconds thought, one of the following three must go this week: Syesha, Brooke, or Ramiele, not necessarily in that order. A dark horse for odd man out would be Jason Castro, but this Turkey thinks his hair will keep the teen votes coming for at least another week.
Results tonight on Fox.
The Redhead says
April 2, 2008 at 9:36 pmAw Brooke and Jason. What’s the deal?
Who stays, who goes?
Tick tock. Tick tock.
Brooke is running her mouth again. She needs to keep it shut unless she’s singing…and even then…
Brooke: In the bottom Three.
The Redhead says
April 2, 2008 at 9:37 pmSimon agrees with the Bottom Three.
By the way, Simon says, “Carly, I really like you, you’re really cute, I was only trying to help when I told you to clean up your fashion sense.”
He hurt Carly’s feelings.
Suck it up, Carly. You’re in show biz now.
The Redhead says
April 2, 2008 at 9:42 pmWe’re back!
Live!
It’s about time to bring Dolly out.
Sheila E will be on the show soon.
And Snoop-Dog.
Sheeet.
The Redhead says
April 2, 2008 at 9:44 pmWhat, are they going to have a hip-hop night?
It will be a pimp/ho’s theme. They’ll bring out the Idols in a big white caddie loaded with hood ornaments.
Lots of spandex–and that’s just on the guys!
Heh heh.
The Redhead says
April 2, 2008 at 9:45 pmHere’s the Lady of the Bust:
Dolly!
I’m not big fan of her voice but I think she’s an excellent songwriter.
The Redhead says
April 2, 2008 at 9:45 pmShe’s losing it voice-wise, I’m sorry to say.
The Redhead says
April 2, 2008 at 9:46 pmIt looks like she’s reading the lyrics from a teleprompt.
The Redhead says
April 2, 2008 at 9:47 pmShe’s had plastic surgery, uh, more than once.
She’s singing a song ’bout Jesus. He lifts her up and keeps her feet on the ground.
You know, the paradox thing.
The Redhead says
April 2, 2008 at 9:47 pmI hate to say this but IS.
The Redhead says
April 2, 2008 at 9:48 pmWow. I’ve never heard her sing so badly.
I think not knowing the words to the song has thrown her.
The Redhead says
April 2, 2008 at 9:49 pmShe’s got a great personality though.
She’s gracious.
Brooke and Carly could take a lesson from her.
The Redhead says
April 2, 2008 at 9:50 pmHa! Dolly told Ryan: “I got Jesus, and you got Simon.”
Ryan: “I got the short end of the stick.”
Simon is not amused.
The Redhead says
April 2, 2008 at 9:51 pmIn fact, Simon looked downright disgusted.
Suck it up, Simon. You’re in show biz.
The Redhead says
April 2, 2008 at 9:51 pmIn a commerical break, waiting for the big eject button to be pushed.
The Redhead says
April 2, 2008 at 9:53 pmI predict either Brooke or Ramiele will go.
I think it will be Brooke.
It’s so exciting!!!!!!!!!!!
Gasp. I can’t wait.
The Redhead says
April 2, 2008 at 9:55 pmAnd we’re back.
The tension is mounting.
Time to get down to business says Ryan.
Randy, who do you think is out?
Ramiele Malubay.
Simon doesn’t think it will be Brooke.
Brooke is crying. Hand her a kleenex.
Suck it up, babe. It’s show biz.
The Redhead says
April 2, 2008 at 9:55 pmWho’s going home?
Brooke’s safe.
More tears.
I was wrong….
Kristy is safe.
The Redhead says
April 2, 2008 at 9:56 pmRamiele, it’s time to kiss and say goodbye.
She’s pretty shaken up. Poor kid.
Welcome to Hollywood.
The Redhead says
April 2, 2008 at 9:57 pmCelebrate Me Home, is playing.
I’m gettin’ all choked up.
Suck it up, self–it’s show biz.
The Redhead says
April 2, 2008 at 9:58 pmWow, she’s really sobbing. The audience is giving her a standing ovation.
Will she be able to sing?
The Redhead says
April 2, 2008 at 9:59 pmShe’s a pro.
Way to suck it up, girl.
That’s show biz.
The Redhead says
April 2, 2008 at 9:59 pmShe’s belting the tune. She’ll be okay.
Turkey, it’s a tough business. Being a critic is much easier on the ego.
The Redhead says
April 2, 2008 at 10:00 pmUntil some other critic comes along and blows you out of the water.
The Redhead says
April 2, 2008 at 10:01 pmThat’s a wrap, Turkey!
Thanks for the memories.
See you next Tuesday 🙂
In the meantime…
That’s show biz!