The Nittany Turkey

Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

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Home 2008 April Archives for 22nd

Archives for April 22, 2008

Ladies’ Night

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While Hillary Clinton was kicking ass in Pennsylvania (go Hillary!), the XX-chromosome crew was making all the noise on American Idol. Two of them, Syesha Mercado and Carly Smithson rocked the house, while the other, Brooke White, went down in flames.

Mercado’s vamp number, for which she was appropriately attired in a clingy, revealing crimson dress made it clear that she would replace the departed Kristy as my eye candy until she is finally eliminated—which means another week or two at most. Speaking of the XX crew, Syesha’s rating had to be on that side of PG-13. ????? ??? ????

Smithson absolutely nailed her performance of Jesus Christ, Superstar, which I ranked as best of the evening. Carly has had a problem picking songs that can showcase her powerful voice. ???? ???? ??????? ??? ????? She was headed for yet another material selection judgment error but she was redirected by none other than Andrew Lloyd Webber, who chose the perfect song for her.

The usually strong David Archuleta was boring. David Cook did the best he could with material that was well outside his comfort zone. Jason Castro was abysmally amateurish.

And so it was that on this night, the women outdid the men. Well, except for Brooke White. Calamity Brooke started singing and then stopped the band because she forgot the lyrics. Restarting her number, she sang it all the way through with her usual emotional involvement, which has never thrilled me. I don’t think that is what this audience is looking for, anyway. It is a popularity contest and, let’s face it, Brooke’s kind of pathos is off-putting at times.

Tonight, I ranked Carly first, then Syesha, then the two Davids (tied), then Jason, and Brooke on the bubble. Jason was weak enough to be eliminated, but I think it will be Brooke (thus guaranteeing that she’ll be around another week). ????? ????

Music of the Night

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Tuesday night, that is. American Idol night.

Let us take a break from Nittany Lion incarcerations, injuries, and insipidness over the Paterno situation; a break from the politics of Pennsylvania and the nation; a break from all else that is pressing on our cerebral cortices; and let’s get down to what is truly important: American Idol taking place at the iconic TD Garden!

OK, I’m over the top there. ????? ???? ???? But I just got done paying some bills and I’ve got heartburn. But to compensate that, I’d gotten a mail from the people I asked to compose some custom songs. I was glad that I’d be getting them later this week and was excited.

With the painful elimination of lovely Kristy Lee Cook last week, this Turkey lost his favored eye candy. Not that she was going to get much farther—no way in hell would she have—but she was still nice to look at and each week of watching her was like a dividend. ???? ??? ?????? For her swan song, she splayed herself out on the judges’ desk and sang to Simon, torch song style. It was perhaps her best performance of the whole competition. Too bad it had to be her last.

I’ll get over it.

Tonight is Andrew Lloyd Webber night. ???365 Accordingly, we’ll be hearing some old, overplayed, obnoxious Broadway music. The Rt. Hon. Lord Lloyd-Webber, Baron of Sydmonton, has dominated musical theater for much of the 1980s and 1990s. We’ll get songs from Cats, Jesus Christ, Superstar, Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, Evita, and Phantom of the Opera.

The only thing I can think of that might redeem the evening will be seeing how David Cook manages to pull something out of this collection of smarmy show music and do a rock rendition. Everyone else will probably do a straight take on the material.

Voters of Pennsylvania, Hear Me Out

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People of Pennsylvania, here are 10 reasons why voting for Senator Obama will be a mistake:

  1. “Change” is not a viable platform. Change to what?
  2. You’re kidding yourself if you think this junior senator can change the way Washington works. For him to suggest he can do so affirms either his cluelessness or his mendacity. (Probably, the latter.)
  3. You say you’re voting for him because he’ll end the war? More cluelessness on his part. There are no easy answers. Colin Powell recently stated that whoever inherits the war will be stuck with a slow withdrawal, as we can neither sustain the current troop levels there nor can we withdraw abruptly. Anyone who hands the enemy a schedule for our withdrawal is handing them the keys to Iraq and the ability to exert significant control over the Middle East and the world. Don’t let this sweet talker con you into believing that there’s an easy or quick way out of Iraq and Afghanistan. There isn’t. Yeah, it’s partially about oil. So what? You drive to work don’t you? So shut up already about protecting our oil interests. You can’t have it both ways!
  4. There ain’t no such thing as a free lunch. Expansive social programs cost money. That money eventually comes out of your pocket. Don’t be fooled into thinking that it will all come from “rich people.” It comes from taxpayers. We all pay taxes.
  5. Speaking of rich people, poor folks can not afford to run for President of the United States. Not many of us earn more than $4 million per year, as Obama does.
  6. However, he’ll make more money by playing populist games, like asking Congress to selectively increase capital gains taxes on “the wealthy”, which may or may not be defined by him as anyone making more than $200,000 per year. In other words, those members of society whose investments create jobs will be given a disincentive to invest. People will be punished for the industriousness that yielded the reward of a high income.
  7. Meanwhile, Obama doesn’t really relate to the masses. He says they “cling to” religion and guns and disdain people who aren’t like them. In other words, he knows what is best for them but they don’t.
  8. So, he would propose to confiscate wealth and redistribute it according to need established by “the government.” This didn’t work out very well for the Soviet Union, and it sure as hell won’t work here.
  9. This is a guy who whines about reporters and debate moderators asking him tough questions. Is that very Presidential? He who sits in the Oval Office will bear the brunt of the Fourth Estate—there are no exemptions. Obama won’t change Washington, and this is an endemic part of Washington.
  10. Obama will be a one-term president—not unlike Jimmy Carter, who also thought he could change things in Washington—which will guarantee Republican rule for at least the following twelve years, just like it did when Carter disgraced the Oval Office. If you long for good, solid Democrats—not these modern liberal, heads-up-the-ass weenies who sit in their lofty perches and tell us all what we should be doing—you’ll put the Clinton machine back in charge of things. It’s your only chance to take serious, long-term control of Washington. Mark my words: if Obama is elected, not only will he be a one-termer, but also the Democrats will lose both houses of congress due to popular dissatisfaction with his Communist approach to government.

Really, folks. You’re Pennsylvanians, not liberal New Yorkers and sure as hell not San Franciscans. Do you really want this crap? THINK about what I’ve written above and do your own research. If you find flaws in my logic, then fine. I’ll stand corrected. If you don’t and if you wind up electing Obama president just because you want “change,” don’t say I didn’t warn you!