Rutgers (2-9, 0-8) vs. Penn State (9-2, 6-2)
As I sit here in Chicago with my butt frozen to the chair, hoping to thaw in time for Thanksgiving dinner, I am impelled to write something about the forthcoming pseudo-rivalry pseudo-game, in which ESPN’s Matchup Predictor gives Rutgers a 0.6% chance of winning. That’s as lopsided as I’ve ever seen that meaningless graph!
Does it matter whether Sean Clifford plays? No.
Does it matter whether the weather is fair or foul? No.
Does it matter whether Penn State plays a sloppy game? No.
That’s the point. If the brains of the team are on this same wavelength, they’ll probably put out a half-assed effort against the dregs of the Big Ten, who I have dubbed the Scarlet Knights of Piscataway Junior High. As a bone-us, they play at Asia Carrera Memorial Stadium, and as I’ve mentioned before, Scarlet Knights is a play on words referring to nearby Trenton’s famous red light district. Yeah, I made that all up. Just killing time here.
Clearly, I have nothing to say, so I’ll cut to the chase. Oops, forgot the weather! Can’t forget the weather in late November! Hell, I almost blew it!
Da Wedda
Doesn’t matter.
Da Bottom Line
This will be the final Official Turkey Poop Prediction of the regular season. (Otherwise, I’ll be looking forward to pulling a Texas A&M vs. PSU Outback Bowl prediction out of my ass). Current line is PSU – 40 with an o/u of 50. Is that weird or what? That works out to PSU 45, Rutgers 5.
So, here’s what I think. Take the points! How often can you get 40 points? It’s Senior Day, so Franklin will no doubt empty the bench for this one and give everybody a chance to play before the expected crowd of 15,000 at Beaver Stadium (which will be announced as 97,543). There will probably be a few good fights as weary PJH players express their frustration. It’s liable to be one of the most forgettable games of your viewing career. Penn State 38, Rutgers 10.
I might be back after the game with a recap, for what it’s worth. Depends on whether my butt stays frozen to the chair. Happy Thanksgiving All!
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The Nittany Turkey says
It is important to put this game in perspective, as it is the 24th anniversary of the McQueary fiasco. Accordingly, I have assembled reasons why both teams could win.
Why Penn State Could Win
1. They’ll show up
2. Justin Shorter enters transfer portal — fewer dropped balls ahead
3. Franklin turns down FSU job, so he’s holding out for USC — players look forward to not being out-coached next year
4. It is Senior Day, and seniors will play their last game on St. Joe Memorial Field at Hi-Way Pizza Beaver Stadium with fervor and conviction
5. The crowd of 15,029 will cheer them on to victory
Why Rutgers Could Win
1. They’re from New Jersey and they have a coach named Nunzio – plus, I seen him showing Franklin pictures of Franklin’s kids
2. McQueary has a bet on this year’s game, and made a deal with Nunzio
3. Franklin will empty the bench on Senior Day after grinding to an error-filled 7-3 lead at halftime
4. Rutgers will bring their cheerleaders, recruited from the brothels of Trenton, to provide free blowjobs for Penn State players during the game
5. Based on the weather in the Midwest, hell could freeze over.
—TNT